You Aren't In Control
You aren't in control. Well, not of much at least. I mean sure, you can decide to eat that pop-tart sitting in the cabinet. You can decide what to watch, what to read. But there's even still only so much control over even that. Someone else may have gotten to that pop-tart first. Someone may have robbed a bank and gone on a shooting spree, interrupting your show. You yourself may have misplaced that book you wanted to read.
It's been a strange notion living out here this past month. It's really just reaffirmed the fact that I am hardly in control of my own life. Especially as I sit here jobless on a Saturday afternoon the night after a rather provoking panic attack that a year ago I would have been beyond surprised to have had.
The universe is a vast place of unknown; to think you understand anything more than an infinitesimal smidgen of the universe is more than a bit pompous. What could be at play here is completely unseen. And what if it's the universe itself at play? The sheer amount of instances going on at this very second within the universe is absolutely incalculable and unfathomable. The universe can essentially be related to a computer grinding out all it's unseen calculations behind the scenes every second and everywhere. The expansion of the universe in every perceivable direction, the play of gravity off of every celestial body, star x's effect on planet y's fauna, all the way down to a projection of shrapnel penetrating the armor on a vehicle in Iraq because it had coincidentally already suffered a blast there, inflicting a wound that warrants the amputation of a soldiers leg (which he would have avoided had he not been slouching at the time mind you). A complete cluster fuck of equations and chance that has no way of being understood.
At any moment, any possible thing in the universe could intersect your path and change everything. Not for better, not for worse; likely not even to noticeable degree. It's just the way life has gone on since the beginning, and it's subconsciously accepted. It's ingrained into us. Occasionally we catch on to the huge intermingling of odds and calculations and a substantial coincidence happens and we have a sudden but fleeting insight into the way the universe works. Or possibly something tragic and seemingly senseless happens, and you are wrought with the notion of "why me?" When in reality the entirely objective universe's stance is "why not you?" You're just another random bit in machine that is chance and calculation.
Really, what I am trying to get at here is, don't take it so personally when you slip into some mud or all of your friends ditch you to go to go out. And don't take it for granted next time you're running late for your bus, but through some cosmic alignment it just so happens your bus was running late as well. The sheer number of instances that lead you to be just in that position is essentially just universe's own perverse lottery.
It's been a strange notion living out here this past month. It's really just reaffirmed the fact that I am hardly in control of my own life. Especially as I sit here jobless on a Saturday afternoon the night after a rather provoking panic attack that a year ago I would have been beyond surprised to have had.
The universe is a vast place of unknown; to think you understand anything more than an infinitesimal smidgen of the universe is more than a bit pompous. What could be at play here is completely unseen. And what if it's the universe itself at play? The sheer amount of instances going on at this very second within the universe is absolutely incalculable and unfathomable. The universe can essentially be related to a computer grinding out all it's unseen calculations behind the scenes every second and everywhere. The expansion of the universe in every perceivable direction, the play of gravity off of every celestial body, star x's effect on planet y's fauna, all the way down to a projection of shrapnel penetrating the armor on a vehicle in Iraq because it had coincidentally already suffered a blast there, inflicting a wound that warrants the amputation of a soldiers leg (which he would have avoided had he not been slouching at the time mind you). A complete cluster fuck of equations and chance that has no way of being understood.
At any moment, any possible thing in the universe could intersect your path and change everything. Not for better, not for worse; likely not even to noticeable degree. It's just the way life has gone on since the beginning, and it's subconsciously accepted. It's ingrained into us. Occasionally we catch on to the huge intermingling of odds and calculations and a substantial coincidence happens and we have a sudden but fleeting insight into the way the universe works. Or possibly something tragic and seemingly senseless happens, and you are wrought with the notion of "why me?" When in reality the entirely objective universe's stance is "why not you?" You're just another random bit in machine that is chance and calculation.
Really, what I am trying to get at here is, don't take it so personally when you slip into some mud or all of your friends ditch you to go to go out. And don't take it for granted next time you're running late for your bus, but through some cosmic alignment it just so happens your bus was running late as well. The sheer number of instances that lead you to be just in that position is essentially just universe's own perverse lottery.