Rationality:Love - 1:0

[greatmib]

On October 3, 2005 I wrote an entry where I spoke of taking risks and following one's heart rather than pure cold logic. Yet we all know that life has a fetish for irony and in my case this ultimate irony was that the very person who once had motivated me to make illogical, wonderfuly risky choices was the same person who two days ago told me that

Comments

[greatmib]

No, I'm not looking at everyone as though they are the same. I realize that we are different, but we all also part of a structural society and in order to survive in this society, we often act according to society's norms or conventions. True, if my feelings were recipricated things would be very different. I don't know, however, whether they are recipricated or not has anything to do with his personality. I may just be that by the same random chance that Eric fell in love with me and that I feel in love with the person in question is the same chance that he does not seem to feel that toward me.

As for helping peiple, this may have to do with my very Communist-centric upbringing, but I dislike the rigid class structure of this nation. It seems unfair that so much of our succeess has to do with how much money our parents have. While parents of middle class kids could afford to pay for SAT prep classes and private tutors, kids in lower classes had to work just to help put food on the table. No wonder so few lower class kids end up in colleges, so few recieve good educations and obtain well-paid jobs. What I feel I can do personally, is make this struglle just a little bit easier. It is through scientific public policy that we can work toward more efficient and more universal healthcare, cheaper and more varied generic drugs on the market, and fight for research support/funding that wil result in these cheaper therapies. Individuals don't and probably won't ask for this kind of help, but these are things that are wrong with our society and should be changed. We live in a developed nation and yet we have people suffering from more TB and Scryvy than in any other developed country and even more than in some developing countries. Furthermore, despite my fear of lacking the understanding and ability to communicate with many of these people, I feel like them not asking for help has to do on a large scare with the fact that society has abandoned them. We help the rich and seem to forget about the poor...

Lastly, yes there is probably a choice that is best for Marina, but I don't know what that choice is. Because happiness is so multi-fascited, I don't know if mine comes from fuffiling my emotional needs or my proffessional ones. Since I don't love romantically all that often, I am reluctant to let this one go...though I guess, I no longer have a choice...

[shaydlip]

Your feelings are not reciprocated anymore?? That's new...

In terms of helping people, that's cool & I respect it. And I have to say I disagree about us forgetting the poor. It's discriminating who is feeding off the government's teat and who actually needs the help that is the difficult part.

And even if you make the "wrong" choice, it will always come out right in the end because you are doing what you feel like will fulfill yourself at the time, and as long as you're comfortable with whatever decision you make you cannot beat yourself up in the future and things that end up seeming like they're going to such turn out all right in the end. Look at me- Suppoed to go to south africa this summer but it works out well in the end so I can finish my thesis.
You're the type of person to make an opportunity of whatever choice you make. I have complete faith that you will do what you need and it will turn out all right in the end.