I guess I'm not the same person you believed in.
The fact that this time of year is so hard for me just cements how WRONG I was about him last year. And it kills me that I ever bothered to cry over him when I know how false it all was, from all sides. Not when I know what two years ago was. Not when I know what any of it was, when I look back and think of all those fucked up days and the shit I did.
Remembering how I went just reminds me of how I got there. So all the hurt of that autumn just waits until the breakdown of that winter comes back to haunt it all in. And then the after, the hope and that moment that I can't bring myself to breathe now. (Or is it just not there?)
My prepositions are all confusing now.
I'm more okay than this seems, I swear.
I feel like I could use a good breakdown but there's no reason for one and no motivation or energy to make that cleanse happen. It's all just resonating from the past, nothing tangible to be upset about now.
Remembering how I went just reminds me of how I got there. So all the hurt of that autumn just waits until the breakdown of that winter comes back to haunt it all in. And then the after, the hope and that moment that I can't bring myself to breathe now. (Or is it just not there?)
My prepositions are all confusing now.
I'm more okay than this seems, I swear.
I feel like I could use a good breakdown but there's no reason for one and no motivation or energy to make that cleanse happen. It's all just resonating from the past, nothing tangible to be upset about now.