Internet Dating, unreasonable expectations and the death of courtesy
As everyone who has spent 2 minutes reading my stuff knows, I am often amused and disgusted at human behavior. Well... I think this time I have exceeded any expectations I might have had as to the the depths in which people can wallow. Being single and 41 makes meeting people exceptionally difficult and having a job that has me on-call seven days a week does not make it any easier. Add to that the fact that I am not the type that women naturally run to with the "I gotta get some of that!" attitude and it makes it pretty tough. So, I decided to try the on-line dating thing. I figured if nothing else I would meet some new friends which is never a bad thing. Let me tell you, I have learned things about people that I don't think I could have imagined in my most cynical moments. (Before I get too far, let me say that I have made two pretty good friends in all of this, which in the end is not a bad thing- they both live a fair distance or more away which pretty much precludes anything more developing but they are both wonderful people and my life is better with them in it.)
The worst part of the whole thing is that usually the women sit and wait for men to send them the first letter. Why is this bad? Because, after they have written in the bio that they are only looking for a greek god with a high six-figure income who is also psychic it means that 99.9% of the guys out there just blow it off. The ones that don't almost never meet that standard and send them something along the lines of "Hey baby! Nice bio, let's screw..." which only makes them more jaded and they fine-tune that bio to add that you can not ever have even thought of being married or some other nonsense. In truth, I would bet that most of these women are not looking for anything near that perfect, but in order to filter out all of the people that they fear will contact them, they have created an environment of near-hostility to anyone who would want to contact them. Of course, every woman out there is easy-going, drama-free, loves to laugh, not looking for a parent for their children (if they have any), and so on... They are all looking for their "prince charming"/soulmate. Okay- moment of reality here folks- if you are a woman and want all of that and do not have looks to match, most guys who meet that criteria are not going to talk to you. I know some people with some serious money- their SOs are not selected for their personalities- heck most of them are into the "flavor of the week" type girl. Maybe I am over-generalizing here but it just seems that so many people- men and women alike- have such unreasonable expectations. I have intentionally tried to NOT do that- all I ask is for a little maturity (although silliness steals my heart), the ability to sincerely smile and the willingness to try for open and honest communication. I would like there to be minimal baggage but that is something that could be worked out. I guess in the internet dating realm, I am an underachiever.
Now, once the guy actually gets the nerve up to write that first letter, most likely he will encounter that rudeness that has permeated our modern society. Whenever I get a letter from someone that I am not interested in I always send back a polite and concise "thank you" note with a little explanation as to WHY I am saying "thanks but no thanks". It is just courtesy. If someone goes to the trouble of writing you a letter you should at least respond with something. Even a rude "fuck off" is better than nothing. Well, at least to me it is. It acknowledges that this person at least recognizes my effort. However, our society has taught us that the best response to something that we do not want to deal with is to bury our head in the sand or cover our ears while loudly yelling "LALALALALALA" and it is just sad. Yet another place where my upbringing is in conflict with the modern times.
Let me know what you all think...
The worst part of the whole thing is that usually the women sit and wait for men to send them the first letter. Why is this bad? Because, after they have written in the bio that they are only looking for a greek god with a high six-figure income who is also psychic it means that 99.9% of the guys out there just blow it off. The ones that don't almost never meet that standard and send them something along the lines of "Hey baby! Nice bio, let's screw..." which only makes them more jaded and they fine-tune that bio to add that you can not ever have even thought of being married or some other nonsense. In truth, I would bet that most of these women are not looking for anything near that perfect, but in order to filter out all of the people that they fear will contact them, they have created an environment of near-hostility to anyone who would want to contact them. Of course, every woman out there is easy-going, drama-free, loves to laugh, not looking for a parent for their children (if they have any), and so on... They are all looking for their "prince charming"/soulmate. Okay- moment of reality here folks- if you are a woman and want all of that and do not have looks to match, most guys who meet that criteria are not going to talk to you. I know some people with some serious money- their SOs are not selected for their personalities- heck most of them are into the "flavor of the week" type girl. Maybe I am over-generalizing here but it just seems that so many people- men and women alike- have such unreasonable expectations. I have intentionally tried to NOT do that- all I ask is for a little maturity (although silliness steals my heart), the ability to sincerely smile and the willingness to try for open and honest communication. I would like there to be minimal baggage but that is something that could be worked out. I guess in the internet dating realm, I am an underachiever.
Now, once the guy actually gets the nerve up to write that first letter, most likely he will encounter that rudeness that has permeated our modern society. Whenever I get a letter from someone that I am not interested in I always send back a polite and concise "thank you" note with a little explanation as to WHY I am saying "thanks but no thanks". It is just courtesy. If someone goes to the trouble of writing you a letter you should at least respond with something. Even a rude "fuck off" is better than nothing. Well, at least to me it is. It acknowledges that this person at least recognizes my effort. However, our society has taught us that the best response to something that we do not want to deal with is to bury our head in the sand or cover our ears while loudly yelling "LALALALALALA" and it is just sad. Yet another place where my upbringing is in conflict with the modern times.
Let me know what you all think...