Luthor Log 001 - Ricardo Street 506

[greatestmanll40]

 [Luthor's eyes slowly open to a sight most unfamiliar. He's currently lying down on an old green sofa in a robe and pink bunny slippers quite beneath him. In front of him a wooden framed television playing a black and white western TV program. Lex raises himself up, rubbing his head. What two bit crook, super villain, or interdimensional being

Comments

[notsaul]

And I'm Bela Lugosi.

S'up.

[greatestmanll40]

Excuse me, girl. I don't know how you got on, but this is supposed to be a private line. I'm willing to forgive and forget if you tell me why I'm here and if you have anything to do with it.

[notsaul]

Private, shmivite. You just broadcast your ass to an entire town full of weirdos, many who lack the impeccable sense of humor of yours truly.

You're here 'cause I don't fucking know, and yeah, I'm totally fucking behind it. This is all just my fucking final exam for Psychology.

[greatestmanll40]

I will say this. You've got some serious brass to talk to me like that.
Though you do prove that this phone line is not my private line nor is it secure within this... town.

Speculating this is some kind of alternate universe or dimension since you obviously haven't heard of me, what can you tell me about this place? I demand answers to this situation.

[notsaul]

Doesn't take much to trash-talk some weirdo over the phone-- though, they are massive and to be envied, I will give you that.

It's, like, the 1950s, but sorta magic and shit. It's run by some crazy fuckers who like kidnapping people from all over the multiverse and making them families. They give you jobs and sometimes they give you back your powers and shit, but they also kill you. Like, a lot. It's cool though; you come back.

[greatestmanll40]

Hmph. I am the smartest man in the world where I come from, girl. I do not take kindly to your mocking tone, rest assured.

Sounds more like Hell to me. I wouldn't be surprised if that Imp with the derby hat had a hand in this...

[notsaul]

And I totally aced my US History final last year, even though I put off studying until, like, the hour before to go on a drinking binge with my brother. So there.

Nah, no such thing. Whatever it is, you'll never guess who's in charge here. Not in a million fucking years!

[greatestmanll40]

[Lex lets off an annoyed grunt]

Right. I think I started this on the wrong foot. Being kidnapped coupled with my admitted disability of dealing with... children may have made me a tad irritable. I've already introduced myself. Now, who are you?

[notsaul]

Annie Goldstein.

And I'm 17, fuckface.

[greatestmanll40]

Charming. I'm sure you're quite popular around here.
I suppose we could stay swearing and mocking one another but that would get us nowhere.

I've escaped prisons, alternate universes, and even Hell itself. I always find a way out, and having gotten to know the lay of the land, you can help me, and therefore I can help you.

[notsaul]

Damn straight I am.

Dude, I'm not saying escaping Hell isn't totally fucking cool-- it is, don't get me wrong-- I'm just saying that on a scale from 1 to 10 on the Totally Fucking Insane scale, this place is over 9000. It's gonna be some definite Hard Mode shit.

[greatestmanll40]

Thank you. Specifically though, what are the defenses of this place?

Death traps, brain washing, Orwellian Observation, that sort of thing?

[notsaul]

Brain washing, murder, torture, lots of crazy Sanford-style shit. I mean, Santa Claus gave people dinners made of human meat or family pets. Shit's fucked up.

[greatestmanll40]

That is unsettling to say the least.

But I wil not deter. I have much important business to attend to in my home dimension and I will not be imprisoned in some mock Smallville.

I suppose I'll just do what I usually do in these situations.

[notsaul]

Make a continent out of Kryptonite?

[greatestmanll40]

....

What.