building, making, thinking, geeking

[greatbearmd]

I'm currently sitting in the bowels of Ice Station Mayhem watching the temperature outside drop with every glance at the thermometer. It's currently 4 degrees F, and still steadily dropping. The house is toasty warm, with the woodstove working at near blast furnace levels thanks to the howling winds outside causing the flue to draw like crazy and

Comments

[greatbearmd]

Maybe it'sa form of OCD, ADHD, EIEIO, I dunno. If I were nearby, all that stuff would be installed and working for you. It's something I do for friends. I don't expect everyone to be a tinkerer like me, I grew into this habit (or whatever else you might call it) at a very young age. Without any friends living nearby, I had to occupy my time somehow. I'd listen to the radio, watch TV, read books, magazines, newspapers, play outside, ride my bike, and indulge in my seemingly innate tinkering nature. It had a downside, as my younger years also made me a social pariah of sorts. I was a very trusting type, and I can't tell you how many times that was betrayed. I was taken advantage of, picked on, made the butt of countless pranks and jokes, often with adults to boot. That only forced me more into my own little world. Honestly, it's no different today. People at work took advantage of my good nature and abilities, took credit for my work, made me the butt of jokes. After 30+ years of working with the same boring people, I'm glad to be away from them. I've fallen into my old comfort zone of enjoying my pursuits, keeping to myself, insulating myself from ridicule and exploitation.

Years ago I realized there was a huge hole in my being, and I made major changes to become more social, and be true to myself, others and those I love. My coming out and acceptance by the community back then was a completely new thing for me, and at times I let my "guard" down. But I made lots of friends who liked me for who I am, didn't expect anything out of me, and didn't judge. It wasn't perfect, mind you, but I had a lot of fun. As I got older, and as my health declined, I discovered not all those people remained at my side, and it took some adjustment and disappointment to realize a lot of it was fleeting. I found that some people with whom I shared peculiar interests were also insecure themselves, and some didn't like what they apparently perceived as competition. Lots of true colors were shining through. As the dist settled, I realized who the genuine ones were, and I remain in this dwindling LJ space because it holds the majority for me as far as online interactions.

So, yeah, I like doing all these odd pursuits, but I often feel like I can't talk about it for fear of being seen as boastful. I find it better to just do my own thing and keep to myself.

The Tinkerer

[mrdreamjeans]

I didn't take it as boastful, I took it as a fact of who you are and what makes you tick. I wish I had more skills, more interest in fixing. I could always rely on my dad until this past decade; of course, now he's gone and I wasn't smart enough to learn from him when he offered. I admire tinkering in others; I admire who you are as a person; though, we haven't met in person, our friendship is meaningful to me.