(no subject)
having a ridiculously high pain tolerance is both a Blessing and a Curse
Blessing
- Made wrestling easier *Accidents didnt hurt as much*
-Sideshow is a breeze
-Minor owwies like stubbing toe or banging head is more or less an inconvienience.....
Curse
-Things go unnoticed *my Stubbed pinkey toes are actually broken a few times over, all gnarled and such*
-Uncomfortable things aren't noticed when their only uncomfortable *Like my teeth, which are now Massive pains*
- Thinking things are okay when really their worse..... *Broken hand that I didnt get cast for like a month cuz It wasnt hurting enough..... and how I left if for like another month here after it was uncast only to find that they want to talk to me again about the injuries.....*
- Once a pain surpasses the threshhold, I dont know how to deal with it well. *I've been losing sleep, popping Tylenol like candy, and missing school and such....*
Now everyone is telling me that They understand.
Sorry Guys, but you obviously Dont.
Not only is it a physical pain, but its a Psychological tax on me as well.
-How do I know when to hurt? If it does hurt, should I behave in a hypocondriac-sque manner and get it checked, just incase? Obviously not doing anything about it has left me with ALOT of scars, broken and displaced bones and a current pain that trumps Hip joint dislocation, being stabbed, bottled, and falling down a flieght of stairs.......
-and what about the pains that DONT hurt. like stubbing my toe. a few weeks ago I kicked a floor grate in the hall so hard that within seconds my toenail fell off, and I split the skin, detatching it from the connective membrane of the muscle..... REALLY GROSS.... but it didn't really hurt. just bled and such.
I'm getting comparisons about Surgeries and such.... ya see folks the difference is that You Feel that normally. You react like anyold person. IF I was to have a abdominal surgery, I would probably keep moving around, because it wouldn't hurt untill it REALLY HURT.
maybe its the macho Viking/Warrior Ideology that I tend to follow when it comes to my body....
Again, My feet as an example.
I wear combat boots. have for almost 10 years.barring a half-year of converse Chuck Taylors...... anywho: I often only wore minimal insoles *Nothing fancy* cuz they're just feet. My feet are heavily Damaged from kicking shit, or dropping shit on em. I have a less than ordinary thickening of the pads of my feet and toes.... Walking on coals is more than easy for me.... I can often walk on them slower than most.... broken glass is easier for me as well than most other performers...... and Snow.
I often step outsite in -20 and lower weather, in the cold thick snow to go get the dog in from effing around in the yard. My only problem with it is getting snow on my pantlegs......
SO please, maybe people could actually realize that their comparatives arent actually helpful to my feeling better......
*I really dont wanna sound like more of a douche than usual... but I've been dealing with alot of BS lately, and I'm getting fed up of WAY too many people Saying "I know how you feel:" and go onto explain THEIR Pains.... which are things that, sorry to be too honest here, are often Dwarfted in light of my issue.*
I'm really sorry, I'm Tired, but yet again, I'm hurting too goddamned much to even contemplate sleep..... Tylenol has never actually helped.... My teeth a bit, but it has yet to even start on my hand.......
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Anyways, I get the joy of going into the doctor tomorrow to get my xray from last week gone over with me....
And Ya Know they never actually call you back if theres nothing wrong...... So Im thinking their gonna try and put me back into a cast.... which I cant do cuz of my Essay due next week.... I can barely type as it is....... and I've been sitting for over an hour... And their gonna try and fucking jew me AGAIN, I imagine, out of any sort of pain meds......
**Sidenote: I HATE Taking anything for any pain. I never took even tylenol under my own disgression up until like 5 months ago for my teeth. The thought of Screwing with my biochemistry makes me actually nausiated. I'm terrified of Anything stronger, but It's to the point where I NEED the sleep,, I need the mobility of my hand, and would love the luxury to not hurt for at least a few seconds.**
In order to make sure I'm not getting fucked around this time, Amber offered to come in with me.... cuz when I went in initially in late nov, I was on my own, Nothing done about the pain.... when I went in for the casting in dec, I again got ignored when I mentioned pain *I believe there was a mention of me being a big guy who could handle it..... Stereotypical Doctor BS* and the couple of weeks ago, He just told me to take tylenol (Thanks, cuz apparently a Med Degree is needed for Common Sense. FTW)..... I really hate doctors..... cept Doctor House. He's my hero.
anyways, I'm gonna try to sleep for a few hours before I have to get up.