Holding a life together
It's been three years since I've moved back to Texas, abruptly. In that time I have reflected over tons and tons of unfinished business. I didn't finish my degree, I never got to apologize to a number of people, I never got to be "on my own" and worst of all, I never got a chance to reclaim my dignity.
Much has changed, though. I'm married. I own property, yeah....that astonishes me too. I have bills. Blah, blah, blah, enough about me.
I've never really fallen in love with putting all of my emotions into a journal and especially one that everyone can read. But I need an ear, even if there is no response, to vent.
My brother walked the stage in May and is finishing his senior sem project, hopefully as I write this. He has been costing my family tens of thousands of dollars on top of tuition going to school and living a life that I denied myself in college. He goes out with friends to expensive restaurants multiple times a week. Bought his gf diamond earrings for V-day. Bought a PS3. Tricked out his truck. And just blew so much of the money my mother and father don't have.
Now he has his final project and he is spending quite a bit to keep up his lifestyle and stay in hotels while he should be doing field work. Meanwhile, dad is responsible for paying boy wonder's truck payment, company card bill and his three other personal credit card payments. I had a gas card in school, and after being yelled at once for using it twice in a week, I limited myself to a tank every two weeks. But brother dearest has steadily increased his spending to over $1000 every month since dad purchased him a house in 2007. Yeah, he got a house. My extra mom and dad money was $350 a month, maybe. He has a company card in case of incidentals, since when is dinner at Chili's incidental?
Philip, husband, has given me a card that is connected to his CC account. I call him every time I think I may need to use it, just in case. I don't want to be irresponsible.
Brother has $10,000 in credit card debt, $40,000 in college loans, and about $7,000 left on his truck. He didn't want to move back in with mom and dad, so Philip and I offered him a room at our house for $200 a month. I'm banging my head against the wall because I can't say anything to either my angry-going broke parents or my spendy brother. I don't want to ruin the trust I have built with my brother, but I'm my father's accountant and we can't do this much longer.
If he continues doing this, I think we may lose the company and I might lose a job. He is trying to make some forward motion in getting his professor to cut back the number of days he has to spend in the field, but he thinks it will still be another week and a half. It costs more than $400 a week to take care of him while he "works" on this project. i'm going crazy and Philip is tired of hearing it. My mother is in denial and if I get dad to fired up, my brother will lose all funding and will default on his CCs and truck.
I'm trying to balance everything and make sure my brother get's his effing degree. I don't know what I'm going to do if this all doesn't work out.
In the mean time, Philip didn't pass his third actuarial exam which limits any upward movement he could have with his job. He's already stressed about money and the economy and possibly losing clients. So I can't talk about this brother stuff. And we're at odds with his mother. And my mother's dog is going blind. And my father is abusing food again. And my mother got a raise and won't tell my father, so not suspicious mom. And she's secretly giving my brother money. I just feel tense all the time like if one more thing falls on my shoulders, I could break.
Much has changed, though. I'm married. I own property, yeah....that astonishes me too. I have bills. Blah, blah, blah, enough about me.
I've never really fallen in love with putting all of my emotions into a journal and especially one that everyone can read. But I need an ear, even if there is no response, to vent.
My brother walked the stage in May and is finishing his senior sem project, hopefully as I write this. He has been costing my family tens of thousands of dollars on top of tuition going to school and living a life that I denied myself in college. He goes out with friends to expensive restaurants multiple times a week. Bought his gf diamond earrings for V-day. Bought a PS3. Tricked out his truck. And just blew so much of the money my mother and father don't have.
Now he has his final project and he is spending quite a bit to keep up his lifestyle and stay in hotels while he should be doing field work. Meanwhile, dad is responsible for paying boy wonder's truck payment, company card bill and his three other personal credit card payments. I had a gas card in school, and after being yelled at once for using it twice in a week, I limited myself to a tank every two weeks. But brother dearest has steadily increased his spending to over $1000 every month since dad purchased him a house in 2007. Yeah, he got a house. My extra mom and dad money was $350 a month, maybe. He has a company card in case of incidentals, since when is dinner at Chili's incidental?
Philip, husband, has given me a card that is connected to his CC account. I call him every time I think I may need to use it, just in case. I don't want to be irresponsible.
Brother has $10,000 in credit card debt, $40,000 in college loans, and about $7,000 left on his truck. He didn't want to move back in with mom and dad, so Philip and I offered him a room at our house for $200 a month. I'm banging my head against the wall because I can't say anything to either my angry-going broke parents or my spendy brother. I don't want to ruin the trust I have built with my brother, but I'm my father's accountant and we can't do this much longer.
If he continues doing this, I think we may lose the company and I might lose a job. He is trying to make some forward motion in getting his professor to cut back the number of days he has to spend in the field, but he thinks it will still be another week and a half. It costs more than $400 a week to take care of him while he "works" on this project. i'm going crazy and Philip is tired of hearing it. My mother is in denial and if I get dad to fired up, my brother will lose all funding and will default on his CCs and truck.
I'm trying to balance everything and make sure my brother get's his effing degree. I don't know what I'm going to do if this all doesn't work out.
In the mean time, Philip didn't pass his third actuarial exam which limits any upward movement he could have with his job. He's already stressed about money and the economy and possibly losing clients. So I can't talk about this brother stuff. And we're at odds with his mother. And my mother's dog is going blind. And my father is abusing food again. And my mother got a raise and won't tell my father, so not suspicious mom. And she's secretly giving my brother money. I just feel tense all the time like if one more thing falls on my shoulders, I could break.