FIC: White Flag (25/40)
Title: White Flag
Rating: NC-17
Couple: Sam/Brooke...Sam/F..
Summary: This is an Futurefic in which Brooke and Sam have already been
together.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I certainly wish I did. Damn Ryan
Murphy and his unrivaled genius.
A/N: As promised there will be not only one update today, but two. I hope you enjoy.
A thank you always to my trusty beta Karen. I don't know where I'd be without her.
Part twenty-five
“Did Brooke mention that she would be late?” Dr. Tanner asked, looking over at her wall clock.
Cara turned anxious hazel eyes on her and Sam was at a loss for words. Brooke was late again. Just as she had been every week for the past month, that was, when she bothered to even show up. The brunette sighed and shook her head. “No, she didn’t call me. We can just…start without her. I’m sure she will be here soon.”
Cara stared at her for a few moments, her expression unreadable, then looked at the clock and the door as if she were willing Brooke to walk through it. Sam’s heart ached for her daughter and her stomach burned with guilt and anger. Angry with Brooke for not being there; guilty for being the reason she wasn’t.
“Why don’t we start with you, Cara? You’ve been a little quiet in group lately. Is there something going on that you would like to talk about?”
Sam looked over at her daughter. Cara had been a little withdrawn lately, but she hadn’t really been herself since Emeny’s death. The girl opened her mouth to speak, but quickly shut it. Instead she turned to study the black and white photo on the wall beside her. Sam frowned. “Carebear, is something going on? Are you still upset about Emeny?”
Cara didn’t bother to look in her direction as she shook her head “no.”
“Is it Kat?” Sam ventured. Telling Cara that she and Kat had split up hadn’t been easy. The young girl had grown anxious and agitated, especially when Sam had had to tell her that Kat probably wouldn’t be by to visit again. Cara’s hazel eyes had filled with tears at that, but she’d refused to cry. She’d blinked the tears back and quickly changed the subject. Another pang of guilt coursed through the journalist’s stomach.
“No,” Cara said, sparing a glance at her mother. Her tone was flat and cold.
“Actually Cara, since we haven’t talked about Kat, why don’t we start there? I’m sure you have some feelings about what happened between her and your mom. After all she was in your life for three years and I know you cared about her. What are you feeling?”
The girl sighed again and Sam could tell she was beginning to bristle at the questions. Sam wondered if maybe it was too soon to broach that subject and looked over at the doctor with reproach. The doctor smiled reassuringly.
“Cara, it must make you upset. Are you feeling upset or hurt? Are you happy? Are you angry?”
The door to the office opened and Brooke slipped into the room, a sheepish blush on her face, until her eyes fell upon Sam and her expression grew cold. “I’m sorry I’m late. My meeting ran way past schedule.”
“That’s quite all right. Sit down, Brooke. We were just discussing Cara’s feelings on Sam’s split with Kat.”
Sam saw the blonde flinch at the name, as she kept her hazel eyes trained on the doctor.
Cara looked over at the blonde and she looked relieved. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she answered finally.
Dr. Tanner frowned. “Are you sure? Not even a little bit?”
The girl looked over at Brooke again and shook her head. It made Sam almost angry that Brooke had even bothered to show up.
“Okay so is there anything you would like to talk about?” Dr. Tanner looked over at Cara pointedly.
Cara shook her head again and stared blankly back at the therapist.
They spent the rest of the hour like that, in awkward silence. Cara would only answer questions when directly spoken to and Sam and Brooke weren’t exactly active participants either. Each trapped in their own personal hells. They were relieved when the doctor finally excused Cara, but that was short-lived when she asked them to remain behind.
Once Cara was out the door, the doctor returned to her seat and regarded the other two women with a sigh. “Mrs. and Mrs. McPherson, when we first sat down back in January I told you that Cara’s road to recovery would be a long one. Brooke, you’re familiar with the process and I must say that your recent actions have surprised me the most.”
Brooke looked over at the doctor, shock evident in her eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You have been late to or missed almost every family session this month. Cara needs to know that she can depend on the people she needs the most to be there. It is that routine and structure that frees her from the feeling that her life is too out of control.”
Sam could practically feel Brooke’s anger at the doctor’s words bubbling up inside of her. “Are you trying to say that I am the reason that my daughter is sick? I mean I can’t help that this month has been a busy month for me at work-”
“Brooke, please calm down. I’m not placing blame on anyone. That’s the opposite of what I’m doing. I was just making sure that we were still all on the same page where Cara is concerned.”
“Oh, we’re on the same page, believe me, Dr. Tanner, but before you start blaming the fact that I work on Cara being here, remember that I work to pay for your precious time too.” Brooke stood from her seat and walked out of the room without looking back.
Sam pinched the bridge of her nose, hoping to stop the migraine she could feel starting at the base of her skull. How had things spiraled out of control so quickly? She sighed and looked over at the doctor. “I’m…sorry about that…I guess she’s really stressed. I’m just going to…”Sam stood and walked after Brooke, feeling her own anger build with every step. She saw her ex-wife headed in the direction of their daughter’s room and jogged to catch up with her, calling the blonde’s name. She finally caught up right before Cara’s room. She grabbed Brooke’s shoulder as she reached her. “What the hell was that?!”
“What do you mean ‘what the hell was that?!’ That was the doctor telling me that it’s my fault that my daughter wound up her.”
“That is not what she said?! And even if she had, do you honestly not see your role in things?” Sam asked incredulously.
Brooke let out a harsh laugh. “Oh so you’re blaming me for this too…I see. What else do you want to saddle me with? Huh Sammy? I mean I’m already to blame for the break up of our marriage. I’m the reason Cara’s here, what else? Did I cause your break up with Kat too? I’m just waiting for that to be added to the list of transgressions I’ve committed against you.”
Sam flinched, but her dark eyes flashed with anger. “Fine Brooke, play the martyr. You’re right; you’re not to blame, because your actions and bad decisions only affect you.”
“That’s rich, considering that most of my bad decisions started the day I collided with you in that hallway at Kennedy. From then every little thing I ever did was tried and condemned in the court of the great Sam McPherson. God Sam, what makes you think you’re so goddamn perfect? If anyone is to blame in this situation it’s you! I get criticized and looked down upon because I work. You were with her EVERYDAY and you didn’t see that she was getting sick.”
At those words, all of the anger Sam had been struggling to contain broke free, like water bursting through a dam. “Maybe if I didn’t have to spend so much time cleaning up all the little messes you created with our daughter I would have been able to see the bigger picture. Maybe if I didn’t have to do both of our jobs, because you choose to be an active parent only when it fits into your busy schedule then maybe I would have noticed that she was getting sick. Maybe if you spent more time with her like you were supposed to, you could have seen it!”
Brooke’s expression grew stricken. Her hazel eyes filled with tears and she turned away. “I…I have to go. Please tell Cara that I will be back later.” Her voice was quiet and she just walked away. Sam watched her leave, her anger slowly dissipating as Brooke made her way down the hall and stepped on the elevator. The brunette slumped against the wall, banging her head backwards, but she hardly felt the pain over the pounding of the migraine that she knew wouldn’t be going away anytime soon. Her stomach burned with guilt at having gone too far with Brooke yet again.
Neither were aware that a ten-year-old girl sat on her bed, silently crying as she listened to her parents ripping each other apart. It was all her fault.