"we have nicknames for eachother!"

[grayshame]

i have been coming to this page quite often, staring at this blank box, but finding no words. i search through the words of others, seeking inspiration - but all i see are happy wishes for the year to come and kissing the past year goodbye. it is all just made up, really. january 1st was no different than december 31st (other than sleeping until 6) and it is obvious that the new year is only an excuse for everyone to poison their bodies with way too much alcohol and puke and kiss and puke all over again and have that be alright. oh, wait.. did you forget that you do that every other night too? oh, the cycle of things. i can hear the rain dripping off the roof of my house and i am relieved because lately i have been waking up to wet streets with no memory of rain. i have deeply enjoyed being wrapped in her arms night after night. i found myself in tears upon awakening, knowing that this comfort would be quick to leave. i will again be feeling strange and twisted, barely able to communicate with the people i see on a day to day basis. you are my cushion and it's all so painful when you are absent.

there is something satisfying about saying, "remember how we were last year?"
and we still are.