Stolen from Markus on Myspace
Mattel recently announced the release of Limited edition Barbie Dolls
for the Colorado Market:
Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with
an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or
without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in
conjunction with "augmented" version.
Englewood Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone
sold separately.
Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model
is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash.
Preferably small untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we
don't know what you are talking about.
Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has
a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase
her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge.
Percocet prescription available.
Thornton Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Arvada Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is cause he's always hunting.
Pueblo Barbie
This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota Corolla with
expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Taco Bell uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.
Trinidad Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts
West-Slope Barbie
This model comes with tight jeans, cowboy hat, boots with spurs, and six dogs. Has the option of either alfalpha sprout or chew can. Also available for this modle are John Deer Tractor or a horse. Red-neck Ken comes with case of beer and double-barrled shotgun.
*Warning* Red-neck Ken and West-Slope Barbie could be cousins.
for the Colorado Market:
Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with
an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or
without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in
conjunction with "augmented" version.
Englewood Barbie
This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full
time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone
sold separately.
Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model
is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash.
Preferably small untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we
don't know what you are talking about.
Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has
a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase
her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge.
Percocet prescription available.
Thornton Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
Arvada Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is cause he's always hunting.
Pueblo Barbie
This Spanish Speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota Corolla with
expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a Taco Bell uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green Cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.
Trinidad Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts
West-Slope Barbie
This model comes with tight jeans, cowboy hat, boots with spurs, and six dogs. Has the option of either alfalpha sprout or chew can. Also available for this modle are John Deer Tractor or a horse. Red-neck Ken comes with case of beer and double-barrled shotgun.
*Warning* Red-neck Ken and West-Slope Barbie could be cousins.