BSG Fic: The Adventures of Brigand and Sass (PG)
Note: This is an alternate title that I came up with to avoid any potential spoilers for BSG Season 2's The Captain's Hand.
Title: The Adventures of Major Brigand and Captain Sass
Subtitle: Episode 1: Rise of the Brigand King and Sass Queen
Spoilers: Season 2’s The Captain’s Hand
Note: In the grand tradition of bad fic I bring you a slightly comical and snarky look at Apollo and Starbuck. Inspired by an HD5 Spoiler discussion for The Captain’s Hand.
Rating: PG
Word count: 555
******
Galactica CIC.
Dualla: “Incoming message from Pegasus. It’s Major Adama sirs.” Muttering to self: “How come Lee never calls me anymore?”
Colonel Tigh (checking watch): “Ten minutes. That didn’t take him long. Prepare to hand over those cubits, Bill.”
Admiral Adama: “Yes, Major?”
Major Adama: “Sir, I wish to formally report that I have relieved Commander Garner from command.”
Admiral Adama (passing over cubits to gleeful Tigh): “Son, remember our little talk about not mutinying against your superior officers.”
Major Adama: “Yes, sir. But he deserved it!”
Captain Thrace (grabbing phone from MA): “He was a total frakking ass, sir! Lee shoulda…”
Major Adama (grabs phone back): “Gimme that! Go fly a Viper or something.”
Captain Thrace: “Frak you.”
Major Adama: “You wish. Since when do you not want to fly a Viper?”
Captain Thrace: “Since you want me to!”
Major Adama (ignoring CT sticking tongue out at him): “Sorry, sir. As I was saying…”
Admiral Adama: “What did he do, put an extra crease in his pants?”
Major Adama: “If only, sir! He mixed the red files with the blue files and shipped all of our flour over to Cloud 9 in exchange for a ton of fertilizer.”
Admiral Adama: “The bastard! (sighing) Did you put a gun to his head?”
Major Adama: “Uhm…yes, sir.”
Captain Thrace: “Busted!”
Colonel Tigh (taking Admiral Adama’s proffered cubits with a grin as childish squabbling can be heard from the line): “At least it wasn’t me.”
Admiral Adama: “Major Adama! Captain Thrace!”
MA & CT together: “Yes, sir?”
Admiral Adama: “Son, you’ve developed a distinct fondness for overthrowing your superiors so I’ve decided to rectify that.”
Major Adama: “You’re throwing me out of the fleet! Woohoo! I mean, uh, what is my punishment, sir?”
Admiral Adama: “I’m giving you command of the Pegasus.”
Colonel Tigh’s eyes widen in terror and starts shaking his head while making choking noises.
Major Adama: “But, but, but…”
Captain Thrace: “Serves you right, you dastardly brigand.”
Major Adama (muttering): “Couldn’t I just be a cook so I could at least pretend to run that bar I’ve always wanted?”
Admiral Adama: “Captain Thrace, you’re permanently assigned as Pegasus CAG.”
Captain Thrace: “What!”
Admiral Adama: “Maybe this will teach you to keep your sassy mouth shut, Starbuck.”
Major Adama: “Hahaha…hey wait a minute!”
Admiral Adama (before hanging up phone): “That is all. Good luck.”
Colonel Tigh: “You’ve doomed us all!”
Admiral Adama: “No. Just Pegasus.”
Colonel Tigh: “If we make it to the next episode in one piece, I’ll buy you a shot.”
Admiral Adama: “Deal.”
******
Meanwhile on Pegasus…
Captain Thrace: “I hate the Old Man.”
Major Adama: “No you don’t. I do.”
Captain Thrace: “Well, so can I.”
Major Adama: “You get to hate Tigh. I get to hate my dad.”
Captain Thrace: “Nu-uh. You had your turn. It’s my turn to hate your dad!”
Lt. Hoshi: “Dradis contact. Cylon basestar.”
MA & CT: “Tell them to go away!”
Lt. Hoshi: “Uh, yes sirs. Attention Cylon basestar, this is the Pegasus. Major Adama and Captain Thrace are currently engaged in sexuaahh…combat-operations with each other. Please come back later.”
Cylon transmission: “Starbuck and Apollo? No, not that! Anything but that! We surrender!”
Cylon basestar blows unexpectedly blows up with nice glowy FX.
Lt. Hoshi: “Congratulations, sirs!”
Major Adama: “Wow, we’re good.”
Captain Thrace: “You bet your ass.”
Fin.
Title: The Adventures of Major Brigand and Captain Sass
Subtitle: Episode 1: Rise of the Brigand King and Sass Queen
Spoilers: Season 2’s The Captain’s Hand
Note: In the grand tradition of bad fic I bring you a slightly comical and snarky look at Apollo and Starbuck. Inspired by an HD5 Spoiler discussion for The Captain’s Hand.
Rating: PG
Word count: 555
******
Galactica CIC.
Dualla: “Incoming message from Pegasus. It’s Major Adama sirs.” Muttering to self: “How come Lee never calls me anymore?”
Colonel Tigh (checking watch): “Ten minutes. That didn’t take him long. Prepare to hand over those cubits, Bill.”
Admiral Adama: “Yes, Major?”
Major Adama: “Sir, I wish to formally report that I have relieved Commander Garner from command.”
Admiral Adama (passing over cubits to gleeful Tigh): “Son, remember our little talk about not mutinying against your superior officers.”
Major Adama: “Yes, sir. But he deserved it!”
Captain Thrace (grabbing phone from MA): “He was a total frakking ass, sir! Lee shoulda…”
Major Adama (grabs phone back): “Gimme that! Go fly a Viper or something.”
Captain Thrace: “Frak you.”
Major Adama: “You wish. Since when do you not want to fly a Viper?”
Captain Thrace: “Since you want me to!”
Major Adama (ignoring CT sticking tongue out at him): “Sorry, sir. As I was saying…”
Admiral Adama: “What did he do, put an extra crease in his pants?”
Major Adama: “If only, sir! He mixed the red files with the blue files and shipped all of our flour over to Cloud 9 in exchange for a ton of fertilizer.”
Admiral Adama: “The bastard! (sighing) Did you put a gun to his head?”
Major Adama: “Uhm…yes, sir.”
Captain Thrace: “Busted!”
Colonel Tigh (taking Admiral Adama’s proffered cubits with a grin as childish squabbling can be heard from the line): “At least it wasn’t me.”
Admiral Adama: “Major Adama! Captain Thrace!”
MA & CT together: “Yes, sir?”
Admiral Adama: “Son, you’ve developed a distinct fondness for overthrowing your superiors so I’ve decided to rectify that.”
Major Adama: “You’re throwing me out of the fleet! Woohoo! I mean, uh, what is my punishment, sir?”
Admiral Adama: “I’m giving you command of the Pegasus.”
Colonel Tigh’s eyes widen in terror and starts shaking his head while making choking noises.
Major Adama: “But, but, but…”
Captain Thrace: “Serves you right, you dastardly brigand.”
Major Adama (muttering): “Couldn’t I just be a cook so I could at least pretend to run that bar I’ve always wanted?”
Admiral Adama: “Captain Thrace, you’re permanently assigned as Pegasus CAG.”
Captain Thrace: “What!”
Admiral Adama: “Maybe this will teach you to keep your sassy mouth shut, Starbuck.”
Major Adama: “Hahaha…hey wait a minute!”
Admiral Adama (before hanging up phone): “That is all. Good luck.”
Colonel Tigh: “You’ve doomed us all!”
Admiral Adama: “No. Just Pegasus.”
Colonel Tigh: “If we make it to the next episode in one piece, I’ll buy you a shot.”
Admiral Adama: “Deal.”
******
Meanwhile on Pegasus…
Captain Thrace: “I hate the Old Man.”
Major Adama: “No you don’t. I do.”
Captain Thrace: “Well, so can I.”
Major Adama: “You get to hate Tigh. I get to hate my dad.”
Captain Thrace: “Nu-uh. You had your turn. It’s my turn to hate your dad!”
Lt. Hoshi: “Dradis contact. Cylon basestar.”
MA & CT: “Tell them to go away!”
Lt. Hoshi: “Uh, yes sirs. Attention Cylon basestar, this is the Pegasus. Major Adama and Captain Thrace are currently engaged in sexuaahh…combat-operations with each other. Please come back later.”
Cylon transmission: “Starbuck and Apollo? No, not that! Anything but that! We surrender!”
Cylon basestar blows unexpectedly blows up with nice glowy FX.
Lt. Hoshi: “Congratulations, sirs!”
Major Adama: “Wow, we’re good.”
Captain Thrace: “You bet your ass.”
Fin.