Oh me, oh my - what'll I do? (apologies to Raffi)
Apparently there are two words of the day. Dictionary.com seems to enjoy saving them all up for up to a week and then sending me a barrage of words. This would be more fun if I always had time to base short stories on them - the two today are "lumpen" and "epicene", the latter of which doesn't seem to qualify as a word under the Firefox default user dictionary. Interestingly, "Firefox" doesn't either.
(::adds words to user dictionary::)
I am currently having a crisis of selfishness: I knew that The Guy moving in would be a big deal, and I knew that finding a bigger place together would be unnerving, but I hadn't thought or even considered moving to another area of the city. Wee Boy's school and friends are here. He told me today that starting at a new school would make him feel sad, which sucks since I had already planned to move him to French Immersion at another school nearby for his grade one year.
As for me - all of the things I love are within walking distance: the market, the library, book stores, all of my friends, my favourite hangouts - I can't imagine feeling safe moving to the other side of town. I really can't. Thinking about it last night when he brought it up over the phone actually induced a full-out panic attack. I had planned to stay in this neighbourhood, but had neglected to mention this to him.
Maybe I'm just a snob - but my snobbery comes from fear. I wouldn't even be able to feel safe living in the house he's living in now: it's precisely the sort of thing I would avoid. In my mind the cruddy areas will always be inextricably intertwined with fights and drugs and the occasional stabbing/shooting/death by overdose. I really don't want to live anywhere near that sort of thing. That said, most of my city is just kind of like that. This area even has its moments, and its probably the second-"richest" (ie: won't put up with much bullshit) part of the city. But it's mine. I live here. It has become home. The nearby businesses are my friends. My school is close enough to bus to quickly. The people who babysit Wee Boy are all within blocks of me.
If I move to another area I will be isolated again. I do not drive. I will be limited by the buses, and not only the buses, but by my fear of them at night. He drives, so he doesn't even have to think twice about it: it's much easier for him to get around.
But did I really think that it was fair to let him uproot himself and his entire life for me and give nothing in return?
What do I do?
I need more perspective on this...
(::adds words to user dictionary::)
I am currently having a crisis of selfishness: I knew that The Guy moving in would be a big deal, and I knew that finding a bigger place together would be unnerving, but I hadn't thought or even considered moving to another area of the city. Wee Boy's school and friends are here. He told me today that starting at a new school would make him feel sad, which sucks since I had already planned to move him to French Immersion at another school nearby for his grade one year.
As for me - all of the things I love are within walking distance: the market, the library, book stores, all of my friends, my favourite hangouts - I can't imagine feeling safe moving to the other side of town. I really can't. Thinking about it last night when he brought it up over the phone actually induced a full-out panic attack. I had planned to stay in this neighbourhood, but had neglected to mention this to him.
Maybe I'm just a snob - but my snobbery comes from fear. I wouldn't even be able to feel safe living in the house he's living in now: it's precisely the sort of thing I would avoid. In my mind the cruddy areas will always be inextricably intertwined with fights and drugs and the occasional stabbing/shooting/death by overdose. I really don't want to live anywhere near that sort of thing. That said, most of my city is just kind of like that. This area even has its moments, and its probably the second-"richest" (ie: won't put up with much bullshit) part of the city. But it's mine. I live here. It has become home. The nearby businesses are my friends. My school is close enough to bus to quickly. The people who babysit Wee Boy are all within blocks of me.
If I move to another area I will be isolated again. I do not drive. I will be limited by the buses, and not only the buses, but by my fear of them at night. He drives, so he doesn't even have to think twice about it: it's much easier for him to get around.
But did I really think that it was fair to let him uproot himself and his entire life for me and give nothing in return?
What do I do?
I need more perspective on this...