Torn
I don't know what to do. I don't think I'll ever come first for you. I don't think I'll ever come first to him either. And that's a really depressing thought. I don't know what I wanted for my life, but this isn't it. I wish I was someone's priority.
You're ignoring me again. So I guess something happened. Again. I just so tired of it. And I have the power to end it. But I don't. Because ending it means losing you. And I don't know that you'll ever come back to me. I don't think you will. For all the want and love you have for me, you still love her more. I don't understand why. Maybe you're still trying to save her. And I don't need saving.
I can't believe that this is where my life is. If only I had ended things all those years ago, right in the beginning. The first time he showed me who he really was. But I was such a different person then. I didn't even know what I wanted. What I needed. That I deserved better. If I had done that, I never would have met you. And that would be a tragedy. But maybe I would have met someone like you. And maybe I'd be happy. I don't think I'll ever get to truly have you anyway. I can't imagine there is anyone on this earth that is more perfect for me that you. Except for when you ignore me without any warning at all. It really sends me into a tailspin.