a motorbike of jealousy: on valentine's day.
I don't know why I feel like writing about this, but after all the things I've been mulling over the last couple of days I thought I might as well.
"We ask a lot of love. All the things we don't like in ourselves, we expect love will change. That's a pretty difficult task for something so fragile."
Singles Awareness Day, Commercially Dictated Affection Day, the worst day of the year, whatever you want to call it, I never find myself unhappy on Valentine's Day. I have never had a long term relationship that made it to Valentine's. I have never had a letter from a secret admirer. But I don't feel sorry for myself or believe that everyone who has someone on the holiday is just blinded by the commercialism (and chocolate).
for those not in relationships:
Easy enough for you to say, you might tell me, you've had your share in life. What about me? I've never had a relationship/never been kissed/never had sex/etc?
"We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn't like that. It's a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don't be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it."
"We ask a lot of love. All the things we don't like in ourselves, we expect love will change. That's a pretty difficult task for something so fragile."
Singles Awareness Day, Commercially Dictated Affection Day, the worst day of the year, whatever you want to call it, I never find myself unhappy on Valentine's Day. I have never had a long term relationship that made it to Valentine's. I have never had a letter from a secret admirer. But I don't feel sorry for myself or believe that everyone who has someone on the holiday is just blinded by the commercialism (and chocolate).
for those not in relationships:
- We live in a sex and romance obsessed culture. It's understandable that there is pressure to be in a romantic relationship. But there are plenty of asexual and aromantic people out there who live happy fulfilling lives. Does that mean there is something wrong with them if they don't seek out sex and romance? Of course not. For some, watching romances is a painful reminder of how alone they are. I don't get that ache in my chest when I watch them. I don't think it's an important enough worry to occupy my thoughts.
- When I hear others complain that they don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend (or a ménage à trois), I don't jump to make them feel better about themselves. If there's no one interested in you, there's nothing wrong with you. If you aren't interested in anyone, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.
- My parents didn't get married until they were 40 and 44, respectively. My father was married once before, and they parted ways when his wife came out. If you spend your whole life obsessing about why no one will date you, you'll never be able to enjoy your life as it is now.
- I don't look at every one I'm attracted to and evaluate if they are available. It's okay to be attracted someone and flirt. For fun. Flirting should be fun. I put myself out there. Maybe too much most of the time. I'm not afraid to show someone I am interested in them, and I am not afraid to initiate the exchange of numbers. There's nothing wrong with just finding someone physically attractive. Physical attraction does not mean they would be the best relationship for you.
Easy enough for you to say, you might tell me, you've had your share in life. What about me? I've never had a relationship/never been kissed/never had sex/etc?
- Sure, I've had my share. In my own personal self dictionary, there is a difference between telling someone you love them, and telling them you are in love with them. I try to tell my friends I love them as often as I can. I do not tell them I am in love with them, because that says something different to me. It might seem silly, but I can't tell someone I care about that I just like them. It's not the right word.
- I have had two significant romantic relationships that stand out from the rest. I told one that I loved him. We were in a pretty destructive relationship, and we weren't good for each other, but maybe under different circumstances... Since we'll never know, I try not to think about the ifs or maybes. I have fallen in love once in my life. I never told him, but I am pretty sure he knew. He is a completely different person now, and I no longer feel the same way, but it still hurts to think about that person I knew and loved.
"We have this idea that love is supposed to last forever. But love isn't like that. It's a free-flowing energy that comes and goes when it pleases. Sometimes it stays for life; other times it stays for a second, a day, a month, or a year. So don't fear love when it comes simply because it makes you vulnerable. But don't be surprised when it leaves, either. Just be glad you had the opportunity to experience it."