(no subject)
Here I am on why toilet seat covers are kind of cool, but ultimately useless.
Lately I've been making use of the readily available, handy-dandy, toilet seat covers. Why the heck not? Now, I will say that this is usually because the buffer between warm butt and cold toilet seat is almost absolutely necessary on a blistery cold day.
(Hopefully that's the last time I ever have "warm butt" and "blistery" in the same sentence.)
Well, I'm going to give a big F-U to the toilet seat cover today.
I was going to say it reminds me of the seat belt that kills, but I'll be reasonable because going to the bathroom really isn't a matter of life or death unless you are:
1. Elvis Presley.
2. That guy in that commercial who fell and couldn't get up.
Today I could have been sitting on nine toilet seat covers and still contracted E. coli.
I turned around just now in the ladies room to flush the automatic toilet flushers that never work only to be given an unexpected facial. Queue the "Ew's". Queue the "GROSS!" because what I just said before sounded more like "Queue the ooze!" and we're all imagining that picture of the girl that's always floating around the internet.
I'll change the subject.
Most of the time I'll stop anything and spit anything I'm eating/drinking/sucking out to say "Bless You!" after someone sneezes. But I feel like a jerk every time because I'm only doing it to win some sort of mental race with myself. Let's be honest.
Truejournal.com vs. Liejournal.com, okay. No one really means "Bless you." It's just an excuse to shout and feel good about yourself at the same time. That's why monster truck rallies are so great. You could be shouting anything. Ex: "Shoelaces!" "R.I.P. Layne Staley!"
"I thought that security guard was winking at me but he could have been blinking because he had an eye patch!"
Lately I've been making use of the readily available, handy-dandy, toilet seat covers. Why the heck not? Now, I will say that this is usually because the buffer between warm butt and cold toilet seat is almost absolutely necessary on a blistery cold day.
(Hopefully that's the last time I ever have "warm butt" and "blistery" in the same sentence.)
Well, I'm going to give a big F-U to the toilet seat cover today.
I was going to say it reminds me of the seat belt that kills, but I'll be reasonable because going to the bathroom really isn't a matter of life or death unless you are:
1. Elvis Presley.
2. That guy in that commercial who fell and couldn't get up.
Today I could have been sitting on nine toilet seat covers and still contracted E. coli.
I turned around just now in the ladies room to flush the automatic toilet flushers that never work only to be given an unexpected facial. Queue the "Ew's". Queue the "GROSS!" because what I just said before sounded more like "Queue the ooze!" and we're all imagining that picture of the girl that's always floating around the internet.
I'll change the subject.
Most of the time I'll stop anything and spit anything I'm eating/drinking/sucking out to say "Bless You!" after someone sneezes. But I feel like a jerk every time because I'm only doing it to win some sort of mental race with myself. Let's be honest.
Truejournal.com vs. Liejournal.com, okay. No one really means "Bless you." It's just an excuse to shout and feel good about yourself at the same time. That's why monster truck rallies are so great. You could be shouting anything. Ex: "Shoelaces!" "R.I.P. Layne Staley!"
"I thought that security guard was winking at me but he could have been blinking because he had an eye patch!"