"the burning man experiment, put up your tent. you're gonna have some fun here, pass me a beer, YO!"
Okay... I think it's time to attempt to write about my life burned and sparked from burning man. It's hard to even remember all those memories that will forever be with me. Memories that'll will be re-ignited throughout my life, but at this time are just a spark in the distance... you know? But I'm trying to recall at least a small part of it right now, because the memories embrace my heart with the love of love herself, and surround and protect me as I move forward in this life.
Andrew and I arrived on Saturday, two days before the event actually opened. We set up our shade structure under our first playa sunset. There's nothing in the way of viewing these desert sunsets, moon-rising cycles. The sky is wide open, and filled with stars. Sunday night into Monday morning, Andrew, the Professor, and I worked at the greeters’ station. Making packets for our new arrivals (map+guide book+sticker)- the twelve or so of us were a tight crew; "beer break... beer break" out of beer we went on strike, complaining that we were working for Cathy Lee and her sweatshop, wanting more beer (damnit!). Then the sweatshop crew, good and drunk, moves to the playing field- where VIRGIN BURNERS were fair game for a spanking. People come prepared for the spanking, and a lot come prepared with a gift for greeters- like a hit off their piece pipes. Greeters get very un-sober during their shift- especially when the bar-cart comes rolling by, exclusively for greeters.
The week at burning man rolls by so damn fast. It's a big roller coaster, scary and fun and then OVER right when you're just getting used to the cycles. Monday night was MARLEY'S SLAVES night- Marley, this 5 1/2 year old girl in our camp made us her slaves (I was the #1 slave), and me, hank, linton, professor, and andrew went out on crawl as a pack- it was amazing. I jumped on a vibrating bike seat called the Orgasm Machine, and made my first Playa boyfriend (Alex), and had my first boy-kiss in a long time... yeah, I did, I experimented with my sexuality at burning man lol...
Tuesday night I took Marley out with my friend Wolven, and they all thought we were a lesbian family- and everyone told me what a beautiful daughter I had! I loved dancing with Marley on my shoulders; she loved being on my shoulders dancing. There was this phone booth out on the playa that connected people to "god." All you had to do was pick up the line, and you would be directed to God (a person on the other side of the road sitting on a thrown that was far enough away you couldn't really see them). Anyway, they let Marley play God for a while... it was great and hilarious.
I spent a time talking with Hank about life, and chillin' with myself and my tears at the tunnel of transformation. Just sitting in front of it, but not walking though. Oshana showed up around 4am, and I knew there had been a reason I'd stuck around there so long. At sunrise I kissed my second playa boyfriend good morning, and headed to the temple, and for a morning bike ride before going to my camp. Right as the sun is rising is the most peaceful time at burning man. Quiet. I spent that day at camp- sitting in front of the artwork I’d created, making lots of friends and smiles.
Then came "rum for kisses night." Which actually started out as "fuck you!!!" night when Wolven and I ran into the darkness of the desert screaming our souls out. Passing the Gamelan, then running off and purging some more. Then we ran into these coolkids who were shouting, "rum for kisses- we have rum, you have kisses." and I kissed 1 boy and 3 girls, and made my playa girlfriend for the rest of that week, Irene. I hung out with Irene pretty much until she left right before the burn on Saturday night.
Thursday night, crying myself to sleep listening to Ani Difranco, Irene knocks on the Arctagon door. We end up spending the night delving into each other’s lives, mysteries, and laughing till the tears were pouring our of our eyes and into each others smiles. Then we made Oatmeal in the morning for everybody in our camp, inspired by the love we were creating with eachother. Beautiful things come from honest love. She found me amongst the thousands of people, in the dark, at random right before she jumped into a car for the East Coast- and right before I charged the flame of the burning man before me...
I made it home, family being so important to me after I'd separated from them when the man fell; "go em, go! Be free" Annie says to me, and I ran into the fire. Finding my way our of the whirlpool of people and fire, finding my way back to the omphalos-oracle- lantern, and to my family... Annie created space for people to delve into the Oracle, and made me the translator for the Oracle if anyone felt they wanted a human translation...
"why does my mother have cancer?"
"Is my boyfriend the one?"
"What is the answer for the question I have no words for?"
"Will we be able to have a family"
Then, the guy who asked about his mother came back 2 hours later, 2 miles of walking later to ask me another question: "how long?"
my answer: as long as it takes you to walk there...
Then, feeling the need to be held, seeking out something that didn't exist. Stupid i was to think that i could get comfort from someone who was physically there, but the love was something that was only held in the starts- that held the memory of a love that existed in that same space one year ago... but not this year. Head and heart not feeling in sync with each other, i held my head low- heart sunk, and continued to walk and breathe, knowing that soon the sun would rise... which it did. And still does.
Sunday night was the temple burn, and an acid trip i will never forget. 5 hours of crying, but clarity on my life that i couldn't have fathomed existed. I'm so grateful for dancin' and Andrew holding me. I actually got into a fist fight with Andrew, while he was protecting me, holding me in, not letting go... and he still loves me very much (said so a few hours ago). 5 hours of crying, 3 of them alone. Angry at Elonifer's selfishness, and angry that I wanted to have comfort from those that weren't offering it... I had a group of people surrounding me with love, and I wanted to go and search for it through people who didn't have the love for me... and more mad at myself for that (like, "how could i want that, and not be happy and in love with those who love me!?? How can i be so rude to those that love me so much?")... Then came forgiveness and understanding... and allowing myself to want and need and love and care and understand not understanding... and be okay... and be...
Wow, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Pictures will come as soon as i can get the money to develop them.
Tomorrow i go to starfuxx and see about my new job there. I am looking forward to getting the hell out of this town...
Andrew and I arrived on Saturday, two days before the event actually opened. We set up our shade structure under our first playa sunset. There's nothing in the way of viewing these desert sunsets, moon-rising cycles. The sky is wide open, and filled with stars. Sunday night into Monday morning, Andrew, the Professor, and I worked at the greeters’ station. Making packets for our new arrivals (map+guide book+sticker)- the twelve or so of us were a tight crew; "beer break... beer break" out of beer we went on strike, complaining that we were working for Cathy Lee and her sweatshop, wanting more beer (damnit!). Then the sweatshop crew, good and drunk, moves to the playing field- where VIRGIN BURNERS were fair game for a spanking. People come prepared for the spanking, and a lot come prepared with a gift for greeters- like a hit off their piece pipes. Greeters get very un-sober during their shift- especially when the bar-cart comes rolling by, exclusively for greeters.
The week at burning man rolls by so damn fast. It's a big roller coaster, scary and fun and then OVER right when you're just getting used to the cycles. Monday night was MARLEY'S SLAVES night- Marley, this 5 1/2 year old girl in our camp made us her slaves (I was the #1 slave), and me, hank, linton, professor, and andrew went out on crawl as a pack- it was amazing. I jumped on a vibrating bike seat called the Orgasm Machine, and made my first Playa boyfriend (Alex), and had my first boy-kiss in a long time... yeah, I did, I experimented with my sexuality at burning man lol...
Tuesday night I took Marley out with my friend Wolven, and they all thought we were a lesbian family- and everyone told me what a beautiful daughter I had! I loved dancing with Marley on my shoulders; she loved being on my shoulders dancing. There was this phone booth out on the playa that connected people to "god." All you had to do was pick up the line, and you would be directed to God (a person on the other side of the road sitting on a thrown that was far enough away you couldn't really see them). Anyway, they let Marley play God for a while... it was great and hilarious.
I spent a time talking with Hank about life, and chillin' with myself and my tears at the tunnel of transformation. Just sitting in front of it, but not walking though. Oshana showed up around 4am, and I knew there had been a reason I'd stuck around there so long. At sunrise I kissed my second playa boyfriend good morning, and headed to the temple, and for a morning bike ride before going to my camp. Right as the sun is rising is the most peaceful time at burning man. Quiet. I spent that day at camp- sitting in front of the artwork I’d created, making lots of friends and smiles.
Then came "rum for kisses night." Which actually started out as "fuck you!!!" night when Wolven and I ran into the darkness of the desert screaming our souls out. Passing the Gamelan, then running off and purging some more. Then we ran into these coolkids who were shouting, "rum for kisses- we have rum, you have kisses." and I kissed 1 boy and 3 girls, and made my playa girlfriend for the rest of that week, Irene. I hung out with Irene pretty much until she left right before the burn on Saturday night.
Thursday night, crying myself to sleep listening to Ani Difranco, Irene knocks on the Arctagon door. We end up spending the night delving into each other’s lives, mysteries, and laughing till the tears were pouring our of our eyes and into each others smiles. Then we made Oatmeal in the morning for everybody in our camp, inspired by the love we were creating with eachother. Beautiful things come from honest love. She found me amongst the thousands of people, in the dark, at random right before she jumped into a car for the East Coast- and right before I charged the flame of the burning man before me...
I made it home, family being so important to me after I'd separated from them when the man fell; "go em, go! Be free" Annie says to me, and I ran into the fire. Finding my way our of the whirlpool of people and fire, finding my way back to the omphalos-oracle- lantern, and to my family... Annie created space for people to delve into the Oracle, and made me the translator for the Oracle if anyone felt they wanted a human translation...
"why does my mother have cancer?"
"Is my boyfriend the one?"
"What is the answer for the question I have no words for?"
"Will we be able to have a family"
Then, the guy who asked about his mother came back 2 hours later, 2 miles of walking later to ask me another question: "how long?"
my answer: as long as it takes you to walk there...
Then, feeling the need to be held, seeking out something that didn't exist. Stupid i was to think that i could get comfort from someone who was physically there, but the love was something that was only held in the starts- that held the memory of a love that existed in that same space one year ago... but not this year. Head and heart not feeling in sync with each other, i held my head low- heart sunk, and continued to walk and breathe, knowing that soon the sun would rise... which it did. And still does.
Sunday night was the temple burn, and an acid trip i will never forget. 5 hours of crying, but clarity on my life that i couldn't have fathomed existed. I'm so grateful for dancin' and Andrew holding me. I actually got into a fist fight with Andrew, while he was protecting me, holding me in, not letting go... and he still loves me very much (said so a few hours ago). 5 hours of crying, 3 of them alone. Angry at Elonifer's selfishness, and angry that I wanted to have comfort from those that weren't offering it... I had a group of people surrounding me with love, and I wanted to go and search for it through people who didn't have the love for me... and more mad at myself for that (like, "how could i want that, and not be happy and in love with those who love me!?? How can i be so rude to those that love me so much?")... Then came forgiveness and understanding... and allowing myself to want and need and love and care and understand not understanding... and be okay... and be...
Wow, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Pictures will come as soon as i can get the money to develop them.
Tomorrow i go to starfuxx and see about my new job there. I am looking forward to getting the hell out of this town...