inner ramblings from a broken mind
i've been a lil messed up lately. i live in a shell painted in bright happy colors but inside is a rotten yolk. im tryin to clean my act up, get my work habits fixed, get my life in order. im tryin, and to me thats the hardest part, knowin theres sumthin wrong and u cant fix it in an instant. im a procrastinator, we all are, humans are lazy but man have i taken it way to far. no one seems to see me the way i do, im not sure if its a good or bad thing.my friends often wonder y i question their compliments or y i doubt their friendship its cuz a lot of times i dont think highly of myself... a sense of false pride that i show. ppl think "man ozzie's so great, hes outgoing, smart, funny, and nice and blah blah blah" well im outgoing cuz im lonely, im smart (this may sound conceited) cuz im like that naturally, im funny cuz i wanna make friends, and im nice cuz thats the one thing i stand for, human appreciation. i make a strong effort to find the best in everyone and extract that quality and project/magnify it a million times. i countlessly find myself sayin "o i have a friend who..." or "i know sumone who...." and i realize by knowin so many ppl, whether they are best of friends, good friends, or barely friends at all...ive learned a lot bout life. i may sound immature wen i joke around but for those who have seen me on my serious days they know at times i can act beyond my years. a lot of times, atleast in the moral sense i am beyond my years, thats cuz im friends with others who are as well. by bein friends with those who are "better" than me i can bring myself to their level. i hope that by being friends with basically everyone i can learn bits and pieces of ways of life so that i may become a lil more educated, a lil more cultured, a lil more prepared for the real world. its funny how i say real world...and wen the media tries to capture it, its everythin but real. i wish one day the dollar signs will leave the eyes of millions of ppl, and hopefully the veil will be lifted and ppl will see the better purpose in life, to help others. i myself im no where near perfect, not even in the same realm, i dont know many who are... but i do know wat would be. it might not happen soon, but it should. this quote prob. exists already but i made it up after 9/11. "conservation: in order for the world to come together, first it must fall apart" and its happened countless times in history, we never learn. wars upon wars, all for "progress" ... progress means killin ur own species for ur own good in the animal world but we [humans] always seem to put ourselves above animals. we arent much better... we have just found faster, more powerful ways to kill us all. we dont look for the greater good enough, just lookin out for ourselves, animals are superiour to us in sum cases wen they work for the greater good. sumwat like the japanese or oriental disciplines. i kno its not a way of livin if u die for sumone else, but lets say we dont die for sumone else but live for everyone... now that is an amazin way to live. i can only hope that i may get to be more enlightened in my views. im still tryin to piece myself together. just wen i thought i knew myself, i go and do a 180... even i surprise myself all too much. colleges...man education should be free for those qualified...not be lottery or by chance, it should be guaranteed. are way of livin and learnin is animalistic, still the survival of the fitest, and the fitest should overcome but wat becomes of the less inclined, wats their fate. education = power. therefore an educated nation [not america] is a powerful nation... a nation thats uneducated with nuclear warheads is just plain dangerous [america]. thats y this nation, especially this administration scares me, it scares the hell out of me and it makes me feel unsafe to live here, ...not just in america, but on this earth. man i like ramblin...i needed this, im gonna post more often, dont criticize this post too much, im a lil fragile-minded.