oceans never listen to us anyway,.
i don't write in this anymore, ever, which i'm very aware of. and i'm not necessarily trying to get anyone to read this or anything i'm just sort of thinking, a lot. and i don't know whether it sucks or not, but it's just kinda,... coming to realizations with everything. When people say they understand, they understand the situation, but not how the other person perceives the situation. It's difficult because as much as someone's going to attempt to "get where you're coming from" or try and see "your point of view", they're never going to be able to. Everyone sees, hears and feels differently, and i've always known that, but i've only ever understood it for myself, never for anyone else. i don't think that was necessarily me being self absorbed more so me having a lack of understanding for this situation that just so happens to take place in every single persons life. I'm not trying to be profound here, so don't tease me, but i feel like writing this out is helping me understand it a little bit better, maybe. I used to always think it was just me, i was the oddball, the different one, the one with crazy views and different interpretations of everything. When i'm being serious with someone, half of the time they think i'm being sarcastic due to my tone of voice (which i realize can be very difficult because i can be one of the most sarcastic people in the world), and when i attempt to get as close to realization as i can get, people just get angry with me. i took this Interpersonal Communication class that said everything i'm saying right now but i think it's just sort of starting to hit me right now, and in a totally different way than how it was taught through the class.
So say there's this person that just totally sets you off, can't stand them, can't look at them, for absolutely no legitimate reason, you just cannot handle this person. There's everything bundled up inside of your head and you just want to blurt it out and scream it in their faces and say everything they're doing that is making you crazy,... but you can't because what they're doing is their character, and for all i know my character could just be making them just as crazy. What seems normal and logical to me could seem completely unintelligent and irrelevant to everyone else. I've found myself jumping to every opportune moment to tell the next person that's going to start talking about how they got their nails done or how they got this new thing, to just shut up, or "keep it down, i'm trying to concentrate". When in all reality, i know if anyone told me to shut up when i was raving about say,... food for example, i would think to myself, "Wow, i am really irritating, i should just attempt to not talk for the rest of the day." i get like that especially when people ignore everything i say and interrupt every word that is like falling out of my mouth, and the said thing is is that i have to rush it and repeat it and just slobber it out with no meaning, no depth, because i have to make sure i cut to the chase before someone can slowly and ever so suavely make their way through my sentence. I personally know i will feel like shit if this happens to me, peoples disrespect is the one thing that i have no tolerability for. and granted, maybe this person doesn't know they're interrupting me because from how they perceive the world it is completely different than from how i see it, and then me thinking that it's ever so intentional is just me being too caught up with myself,.... this ended badly,... i'm going to think about it more and type about it some other time because now i'm thinking hard about it. plus i'm only in the winter of my senior year, there's so much stress and bullshit ahead of me, anticipate more of these that make nearly (if not completely) no sense.
So say there's this person that just totally sets you off, can't stand them, can't look at them, for absolutely no legitimate reason, you just cannot handle this person. There's everything bundled up inside of your head and you just want to blurt it out and scream it in their faces and say everything they're doing that is making you crazy,... but you can't because what they're doing is their character, and for all i know my character could just be making them just as crazy. What seems normal and logical to me could seem completely unintelligent and irrelevant to everyone else. I've found myself jumping to every opportune moment to tell the next person that's going to start talking about how they got their nails done or how they got this new thing, to just shut up, or "keep it down, i'm trying to concentrate". When in all reality, i know if anyone told me to shut up when i was raving about say,... food for example, i would think to myself, "Wow, i am really irritating, i should just attempt to not talk for the rest of the day." i get like that especially when people ignore everything i say and interrupt every word that is like falling out of my mouth, and the said thing is is that i have to rush it and repeat it and just slobber it out with no meaning, no depth, because i have to make sure i cut to the chase before someone can slowly and ever so suavely make their way through my sentence. I personally know i will feel like shit if this happens to me, peoples disrespect is the one thing that i have no tolerability for. and granted, maybe this person doesn't know they're interrupting me because from how they perceive the world it is completely different than from how i see it, and then me thinking that it's ever so intentional is just me being too caught up with myself,.... this ended badly,... i'm going to think about it more and type about it some other time because now i'm thinking hard about it. plus i'm only in the winter of my senior year, there's so much stress and bullshit ahead of me, anticipate more of these that make nearly (if not completely) no sense.