a little of this, and a little of that. . .
so. yeah. things are moving along. . . i guess. . .today it just flashed in my head how fast time is really going. i mean, i am excited life is moving and not just dragging by, but i feel like it is going so fast that i am missing out on 90% of what is happening because i don't have time to see it all. i just feel rushed and part of me loves that feeling because not feeling rushed makes life really long and hard, but does it have to go so fast?
the past 2 weeks have been nice, i have been doing a lot of thinking, and just general "this is your life: you need to change thing, keep this, and never do this" and it has felt so great to look at my life and really honestly love 90% of it. . .okay 89.9%, but who cares. i guess i just got to a point were i have realized that i don't need to put so much expectation on my life and what all goes with that. . .i don't need my parents approval, i don't need my friends approval (although meg gives it to me anyway. . .and i love her for it) i don't need to fight to make something matter to me because someone wants it to matter to me. . .am i making any sense here? doesn't really matter one way or the other if i am because it simply doesn't affect my life in the general pic.
okay, i have 2 notes to friends. . .well, i have 3. . . i know you know that i know who you are:
1) do what your gut is telling you is right. . .if you want to extend that invatation to a certain person then nobody will be able to stop you, or even make you. just don't do it because you want the event and not the company. . .don't hurt and don't be hurt. . .i wish i could help you more.
2)we are going. . .WE ARE GOING! i almost don't want to tell people because i want this to happen and by telling people it might make it fall though again. . .but it won't. . .trust me. . .and we are going to have so much fun. . .you want to know why i know it is going to happen? because i was talking to my dad (yes, conversation with my father without yelling ::shock::) and he thought it was a good idea. . .okay, let me say that one more time just in case you missed that part: my DAD said it was a GOOD idea. . .no talk about money and the normal crap he put out there. . .just "i think that is really neat, let me see if anyone i know can lend you any advise". . . it always seems just when i give up with the man he shows me he isn't a complete jerk. . . i could have cried when he said that to me. . .honestly. . .why can't he be supportive more often?
3) i am still stuck. . . i have told myself again and again that this doesn't matter to me. . .but it does. . .and i don't know why (okay, truth. . .you caught me. . .i do know why, but let me play dumb). . .why can't i do this? really, why? why can't i just let myself be happy? it bothers me more then i thought it would. . . i need a push, and i guess all the pushes i have had haven't been enough. . .just tell me to move on. . .because we all know this isn't going anywere.
okay, so i am done. . .i guess. . .more later i am sure!
the past 2 weeks have been nice, i have been doing a lot of thinking, and just general "this is your life: you need to change thing, keep this, and never do this" and it has felt so great to look at my life and really honestly love 90% of it. . .okay 89.9%, but who cares. i guess i just got to a point were i have realized that i don't need to put so much expectation on my life and what all goes with that. . .i don't need my parents approval, i don't need my friends approval (although meg gives it to me anyway. . .and i love her for it) i don't need to fight to make something matter to me because someone wants it to matter to me. . .am i making any sense here? doesn't really matter one way or the other if i am because it simply doesn't affect my life in the general pic.
okay, i have 2 notes to friends. . .well, i have 3. . . i know you know that i know who you are:
1) do what your gut is telling you is right. . .if you want to extend that invatation to a certain person then nobody will be able to stop you, or even make you. just don't do it because you want the event and not the company. . .don't hurt and don't be hurt. . .i wish i could help you more.
2)we are going. . .WE ARE GOING! i almost don't want to tell people because i want this to happen and by telling people it might make it fall though again. . .but it won't. . .trust me. . .and we are going to have so much fun. . .you want to know why i know it is going to happen? because i was talking to my dad (yes, conversation with my father without yelling ::shock::) and he thought it was a good idea. . .okay, let me say that one more time just in case you missed that part: my DAD said it was a GOOD idea. . .no talk about money and the normal crap he put out there. . .just "i think that is really neat, let me see if anyone i know can lend you any advise". . . it always seems just when i give up with the man he shows me he isn't a complete jerk. . . i could have cried when he said that to me. . .honestly. . .why can't he be supportive more often?
3) i am still stuck. . . i have told myself again and again that this doesn't matter to me. . .but it does. . .and i don't know why (okay, truth. . .you caught me. . .i do know why, but let me play dumb). . .why can't i do this? really, why? why can't i just let myself be happy? it bothers me more then i thought it would. . . i need a push, and i guess all the pushes i have had haven't been enough. . .just tell me to move on. . .because we all know this isn't going anywere.
okay, so i am done. . .i guess. . .more later i am sure!