behind these hazel eyes

[granulated]

theres been a tear in my heart for quite some time. its funny how love puts up a grand illusion, that makes you think you have everything when really you have only that illusion. my heart yearns for something i never had. as it always has. since i was a kid i wished everynight before i went to bed, for my dad to come back and want me. i wished every night for years. i cried myself to sleep for years. until one day i realized that i never had anything to cry over to begin with. then i found peter and fell inlove. harder than id ever thought possible. then when he left me and i died. my heart was destroyed. its taken me forever to get over him and still my heart craves his. but the thing is that i desire something that i never had. i want a feeling that i made up. illusions are the deaedliest thing because they feel so great that nothing in reality can even come close to it. that as soon as you realize it was fake. nothing is ever that good again. what is life? after all that happens, that question always comes back.
no matter what, i love my cookie.