Life and it's Turns

[granthamb]

Well I am going to try and start posting more again as my life is getting crazy and I need some where to put it. Things are changing around our household and it feels I am holding on for dear life. I am trying to manage myself, house, work, and marriage and I am loosing a battle. There are days when I feel good about what is going on and then there are days where I feel I am in a dark pit and I can't climb out. I am all over the place and I don't have any clue on how to figure out what to do. My wife and I are going through a horrible time and I am dieing on the inside cause of it. I whish there was an answer to our problems but that magic wand doesn't seem to be working. I just want to crawl under a rock sometimes and just disappear from this earth. I love my kids and I love my wife more then she could possibly comprehend and I whish I could show that to her. But it seems I can't break down those habits I have learned from my family during my childhood. Lets put it this way I know my dad and mom love me but I can only remember maybee a half dozen times where they have said they loved me. Don't take this the wrong way they really do love me but I guess it is just not in there nature to express that to people. I am as romantic as a camping cot and I don't know how to change that. When it comes to romance it seems like my brain goes blank whenever I try to think about a way I can show that too my wife. What the hell kinda mental block is that. I pride myself on being able to learn anything but when it comes to matters of the heart I have an IQ in the 50 range. I just don't want to do something like that when she is in a bad mood and thats the problem, I don't know what mood she will be in from an day to day and sometimes hour to hour basis. I feel like a deer stuck in the headlight path of a semi. I need to move but I don't know which direction to move in. There are alot of things I whish I could change about myself because I don't want to loose the women I love more than any thing. GOD help me please!!!! I don't know what to do!!! I am coming undone!!

www.myspace.com/blaine42