Through the Seasons of Love (Koki’s POV)
Title: Through the Season of Love (Koki's POV)
Pairing: TaNaka
PG: 13
Genre: Angst, AU
Disclaimer: Lots of cussing. Too much hatred. Death of a character.
Summary: A glimpse of the life of the TaNaka pair.
(Yuichi's POV)
I took off freeing myself from this uncomfortable chain around my neck, feeling like the brand new man that I really deserve to be but you creepily stalked me like a predator would eye his prey, like a delusional fan following his beloved idol. You stalked me not because I wished you too but because you are just too weird and dumb not to understand that I hated being around you! You stalked me under the blazing heat of the sun and to the harshest weather of a blizzard. You stalked me anywhere I go, from the far-off corners of the world to the unfathomable abyss of the oceans. You stalked me even if I tried telling you- in the calmest, most civil manner that I could- time and again that I disliked you being around me. Your mere presence made me throw up so hard that I believe that state of me was worst than that of an anorexic teenager. You stalked me even if it meant giving-up everything that you worked hard for. “So stupid of you! “if you asked me. Why would you go after a person who detested your existence? Not only that, you are foolishly happy just seeing my leaving backside. Yes, my fleeting back because that is the only thing I decided to show to you after leaving you behind and severing that stupid mistake of a relationship that we had.
You stalked me when plant life flourished, birds were humming, and people started taking advantage of the beautiful weather outside. As I saw a group of people happily planning on going to the beach, I can’t help but feel irritated for every time beaches were brought-up I would always remember your smiling face. The way your eyes mellowed making you look dorkier than you already were whenever I devised an outing to the coast. Your calm and understanding expression when we were about to leave for such place, looking like I just forced you into coming with me. Damn, can’t you be a little bit more excited like I am? I love going to beaches but being with a person, who looked far poignant than I was, was so annoying I would have chosen not to go if that was just the case. Your infuriating silence whenever I animatedly stated all the things I would like to do once we arrive at my favorite place while I was driving and you were just sitting there- doing nothing- beside me. Your bright smile- I doubt whether you were truly happy at that time- that you always gave to me whenever you hear me grunt. That’s the reason why I always find your smile so irritating. Whenever you smile, I was never certain if you were smiling from the heart or just something that you wanted to show off to me. You stalked me in that annoying balmy point when I could have enjoyed it to the fullest. You stalked me during summer.
Months passed by and it seemed like nature was starting to take its rest. The colors of the once bright green leaves were now darkly red near to orange or just plain brown as they strongly hold on to the nearly bald branches of their main hold; the tree. It’s like an apparent sign that the end was nearing. And to add up to such idea was the cold wind blowing in every different direction. It was becoming chillier by the moment and I can’t help but grumble. After the days you heard me whine, you always bought me a scarf or a pair of gloves for me to feel warmer. Like hell! I would never wear the things you bought for me! They were all too ugly and they could destroy my image, that image that I’ve patiently built from scratch. You were doing it on purpose, right? Buying bare-looking, repulsive apparels just so that you could destroy the thing that I’ve worked hard for? I hated your pretensions when we were at the beach and now this; your desire to trample something important to me! I felt really disgusting whenever you hinted of us holding hands and when you act all too innocent as you tried wrapping the scarf- one that I personally purchased- around my neck. It was a very sordid thing for me, you being near me. You stalked me when everything was at its conclusion and that disgusting feeling of you forcing yourself on me as you flaunted that annoying sadness you feel. You stalked me in the filthy fall.
I was apathetic. I was clueless. It only started to make sense when I heard a couple of high school girls giggle in glee as they dreamt of doing it with their special someone. Now that I think about it, I believe you indicated it to me one cold night while I was enjoying myself with the baseball game that I was watching when you suddenly plopped yourself beside me. I was so serious with the game but then I felt your intense staring at me. I looked at you and there you were looking all too…annoying! I think you were waiting for me to say something. Like what? I noticed you murmur something. I did not reply nor did I look at you direction. I just focused my attention on the game and nothing else. I can’t help but clenched my fist in frustration as I saw my favorite player getting strike-out of the game. That pretty much sucks! I’d rather watch baseball than be talking to you. The day of the year when the snow first fell happened. I heard one of my officemates utter loving words to her boyfriend who was on the other line and I can’t help but snort at her actions. I situated myself on my swiveling office chair, glancing with annoyance at the sight of the snow falling outside. I knew you were somewhere in the capital, dreamily envisioning me being with you. You were not only annoying and disgusting but you were also stupid. I don’t like doing mushy romantic stuffs much more doing it with you! I noticed the coldness I felt for you inside me heart turned a degree lower then I noticed that worn-out glove you made me used this morning when I can’t find mine. You stalked me in the chilliness of winter.
Life was starting to come back. Everything seemed to be alive. You noticed it too for you remarked about the beauty that the garden at the park near our apartment holds. You chirped merrily about how beautiful the buds were. I suddenly remembered that lavender field you visited together with your also annoying best friend. No, I was not jealous with the relationship that two of you have. Never was and never will be. I just have this suspicion that you were cheating on me with him that was why I decided to end our worthless relationship. I was in front of the television and you were cooking something on the kitchen when I said those words. I did not hear any reply from you. I guess the noise you were making in the kitchen was enough to drown the things I just said so I reiterated it again, this time in a louder voice and in a slow manner of speaking.
I still got no response from you that was why I decided to take a peek of you in the kitchen. For all I know you could have killed yourself right then and there, that was if you really heard what I said. I was standing at the kitchen’s opening as I looked at you appearing all too dumb in front of the kitchen stove, one hand grasping the saucepan’s handle while the other one was holding a wooden ladle.
Let’s break-up! I’m so tired with this relationship and I already find you too annoying.
Can’t you look even more stupid as you hopefully gaze at me? Do you think that I was just joking? Wake-up stupid fool! I meant everything that I’ve said. I guess you have noticed how serious I was when I saw you look so disheartened for the very first time. I instantly left you there, still clad with that annoying pink apron of yours, thanking the heavens above that I am now finally free from you. My heart was jumping in glee for I’ve finally realized what made these months a living hell for me. You were the cause of it and now that you were gone I could now be the true person that I should be.
Its summer and I have plans with some of the girls I met last night to go to a beach in Osaka. I felt more excited being with them on the beach that the memory of last summer was starting to turned hazy. I can’t even remember the relationship that we had. I never showed my face to you after our break-up. I asked a friend of mine, a girl, to get the things I left at that dump we once called as our apartment. I really thought she would not agree but I guess she was curious as to how my ex, you, would look like. I know that you were the worst partner I have in these twenty six years of my existence here on earth. I knew there were rumors circulating about my being a man whore-taking any offers given to me by random girls. I wasn’t some gay-guy-turned-straight running loose. No, I was just taking advantage of the offers freely given to me. I was once gay and I acknowledge that. I never regretted being gay. The only thing I regret was being in a relationship with you.
You’ve been stalking me for two years now. Through thick and thin, you were constantly stalking me. I know you’ll tail me eternally no matter what I will say. I really don’t know why you are stalking me. You really are hopeless. I even asked a common friend of ours to rely my message to you: Leave or I’ll report you to the police. But still this didn’t stop you.
I realized one day that I haven’t sensed your presence these couple of days. Worried? Not really. Just curious because I’ve seen that desire of yours to shadow me until forever so I can’t help but ask what could have stopped you from stalking me. When I was partying myself uncaringly in some club together with those girls I met last night, I saw that one common friend of ours coming towards me, looking like a furious lioness protecting it’s young from danger. The next thing I know, I was down on the floor, my jawing hurting like hell as he shouted words I couldn’t really make out off. I noticed those girls with me whining and complaining because someone, out of the blue, just hit me.
Our common friend was fuming mad. When he noticed that I wasn’t listening to what he was saying, he grabbed me by the collar helping me to stand up at the same time. I thought he was going to punch me again but I thought wrong. He suddenly rummaged his jeans pocket, taking out a neatly folded paper. He shoved that paper very strongly on my chest while he continued his deadly glare. I shouldn’t have befriended this guy in the first place! After all, he was your friend before he became mine. Anything or anyone related to you is just too weird and annoying!
I took the paper he brutally forced on me. A crumpled fucking paper with little dark spots all over it! Fuck, where did this paper came from anyways? Could he have gotten this inside some smelly comfort room? I sickeningly examined the paper again for I can’t really do more about it since I already touched this dirty piece of shit! I noticed the dark spots all over the said thing, I think it’s blood. Weirdly so, my instinct was telling me that.
I opened the paper and started reading its content when I noticed that your friend, who was still glaring at my direction and I now find it too annoying to be glared at, doesn’t want to leave me alone until he saw me read through that whatever it was he wanted me to read.
I think I understand it all, every question that has been lingering in my mind these couple of days. Why I didn’t see you stalking me around? Why I can’t seem to feel your presence around me? Why I felt like….I have no one to channel all my pent up angers too?
You fucking died on me! How dare you give up on me? How dare you leave me alone? Yes, I’ve been pushing you away and yes, I’ve been saying that I hate you with my every being. But I know you won’t take these things seriously- or maybe you did for I heard you cry and I’ve seen you look so devastated before- because I know how much you freakin’ love me! You love me despite my bad behavior. You love me even if I continuously hurt you! You love me because you just plainly do, so why did you leave me behind you dumb moron?
Our friend, I mean your friend; he is looking oddly at me. Why? Is he surprised that I am now down on my knees as tears fell from my eyes? Why because the knowledge that you died affected me in ways that he never thought I would be affected? Your friend is really dumb just like you! Of course, such news would affect me ! Because I’ve been holding you special in my heart. All those things I’ve done, all those words I’ve said, all those moments that I intentionally hurt you; I meant them all because I wanted to feel that overflowing love you have for me. You were the only one who could understand me. You were the only one who accepted me for who I am. You were the only one right for me. And now that you are gone, my being here means nothing anymore.
Do you think I would let you get away from me that easily? Prepare yourself for I will continuously torture you wherever you are. I’ll search for you anywhere you are and when I will finally be with you again, prepare yourself for more suffering courtesy of me. Starting this time, I will be the one who will stalk you!
A/N: Finally, I was able to write something! I felt so relieved! There hasn't been any TaNaka fics lately so I hope, somehow, this made you smile. And in case you are wondering why it turned out like this. I wrote this at the office, in front of my office mates who were calling my attention almost every minute because I looked so serious that's what they said. Our supervisor was on leave at that time so lucky me. To sum everything up; I was high at that time that's why it turned out like this. Gomen everyone if I made you feel confused or just totally lost!*bows*