Nao x Shin - Puzzled - Oneshot
Title: Puzzled
Chapter: 1/1
Author: granitemouth
Characters / Pairings: Nao x Shin (Kagrra,)
Genre: general, musing
Rating: G
Warning/s: none.
Disclaimer: them. mine. not.
Synopsis: Nao wasn't ready for that confession.
Comment: An old idea as to why in Kagrra no Su episode 75, siberianclaws, angelicoma and I wondered why Nao seemed somehow unfocused, thus his lost. (Lol, title wut.)
It was the sixth stick in a series of huffs and puffs that the humble nicotine stick was already burning his throat, slowly, painfully.
Nao, in his mindless act of easing his mind through smoking, has already lit the seventh stick in succession of the last one he had just grounded on his already worn-out portable ashtray, creasing the skin of the cigarette butt as he drilled it, ashes meeting metal in a brutal way. The bassist stared off the distance, reclining his back on the cold marble wall of his apartment building's rooftop. The night was falling deeper and the city closing to silence, though the lights prodded through, illuminating the streets and his sight.
At least he wasn't alone surviving the coldness of the night, still lost in memory of a not-so-distant past. Well, how could he? It was only this morning.
The image rewind yet again in sequence with his inhale of nicotine, his pulse rapidly increasing as he was reminded of those words:
I like you, Naoran.
It wasn't the first time someone had confessed to him, as girls from Hokkaido to Tokyo had professed their admiration to him time and time again. Some even said they love him as he was cool and handsome. Those words were easy to shake off; to be cruel and honest with himself, he didn't feel anything--sympathy or whatsoever--to those who only believed to feel something special, when they have always stood only from afar.
But this confession was different. He was different.
For a long time now...I have always liked, no, maybe love you, Nao.
How could he have missed that all these years? Certainly they were all close in the band. Surely he had never imagined romance budding from their strong, brotherly friendship. Yet that guy did. And he was brave, even daring, enough to admit it.
That guy; that shy, reserved guitarist and koto player whom he thought only had eyes on machines and instruments, named Shin was able to admit and submit to that impossible feelings and deliver it to him.
"Who would have thought..."
And the bassist had a smile playing on his lips when he mulled over his lousy response earlier to the shaking guitarist, hands clasped, perhaps in an effort to get himself together.
Nao scratched his head, wondering how long Shin had kept his feelings intact; seriously wondering how he could have overlooked the guitarist's glances to him as harmless, his concerns as a mere obligation to a friend, and all those composed songs written out of borrowed feelings from others. Everybody knew, definitely, that the guitarist was not the most fluent in expressing his feelings and most of the time he did so in wordless, small ways. Though shy and silent, the feeling of warmth from those humble acts, was utterly undeniable to everyone, if not, to him at least.
These thoughts filled his mind throughout the entire time their last card game for Kagrra no Su was taking place. The bassist was sure he did his best to resist the words confessed, the image of a sincere but brazen spirit alive in Shin's eyes, as well as the sensation that made his oxygen short and his stomach making somersaults at the same time. Yet all those things persisted like ink spilled on clear water; tainted, serenity crippled.
He saw Shin smile and laugh innocently like a child, sliding playfully through the smooth tatami mats, as if they were sand, the small stuffy room his playground; as if nothing happened earlier.
As if no words were bared just an hour before the staff briefed them of the new episode and how it was different from the previous card games. The guitarist seemed undisturbed by his presence, unlike him, who was so perplexed his chances of winning wore thin easily and the cards literally barely passed his palms. While Akiya and Izumi owned the game by themselves and Isshi effortlessly gave correct answers despite a cold catching up his reflexes, Nao tried his best to mask his confusion. A thick mass of air seemed to have conquered his chest and it became difficult to draw a smile for the camera, for the other members, and back to the energetic, brimming smaller man, always positioned beside him. Thankfully, he's known to wear a poker face in the unlikeliest of time so it mental and emotional panic was not at all transparent-perhaps not so much. Though limping through a competition was always unfavorable. And so was his lost and pathetic attempt to regain his cool.
His knees grew weaker by the minute until he just decided to let the situation end on its own hand: him being the loser, Izumi winning the game, Isshi settled being second, Akiya still poised being third and his dear guitarist happy in his own little world. Every time Shin forwarded a chaste comment on the game, he would be left scurrying for the right words through dazed eyes. In short, he wasn't able to make sense of whatever he managed to say.
Palms meeting forehead, Nao wondered what embarrassment he had made of himself earlier. And seriously, the loud thuds of his members' fingers on his forehead still rang a minuscule sensation of pain.
The bassist was suddenly disturbed by ashes blowing his face, as he had apparently forgotten the cigarette in his hand, including where he was, nor the passing of time. He debated whether another stick would be helpful or sleep be the better choice. Though the latter idea was inviting, Nao was more definite slumber would be evasive tonight as his night would be narrowed into an unmoving, suffocating space of a confession he has never been ready to take.
I'm sorry for disturbing you like this.
"Yeah, you surely did."
I could wait...for your answer. It doesn't matter what it is, I'll accept it.
As the words run mile after mile, rewinding and forwarding without mercy , Nao found his mouth filled with that bitter taste of tobacco, inhaling and exhaling as strongly as he could, taking the chance that perhaps the smoke could sweep off the lump of mixed emotions he has been carrying throughout the whole day. He was disoriented and exhausted beyond reason already.
The fact of the matter was, it wasn't as if he didn't know the answer to his own lingering questions. He didn't love Shin, but he wasn’t uninterested either. Being the sunny, breezy, guy that he is, the bassist sometimes felt compelled to lure the smaller man out of his shell made of work and personal, stubborn preferences in life. His efforts were at times fruitful, at times a failure, but for the fact that he cared for results, did that mean he held Shin special too? Was it the same as to how Shin saw him? Would it be alright to break him with a rejection? Would it be better to respond positively when he himself was not sure of what weight his words might cause his friend?
Everything remains in shadows, his feelings mystery. Somehow, this encounter made him see the other man in a different light and he delighted in that, at the very least.
As the night grew deeper, the chill of the wind had caught up as well. Nao gathered his pack of cigarettes and was rather thankful that he didn't drown himself too much with nicotine tonight. Though he wasn't sure for tomorrow, too. Maybe tomorrow, God would be more grateful and grant him some favorable ideas, or even answers.
Staring one last time to the neon lights across the city and to the street lamps of his quiet neighborhood flickering every now and then, the bassists walked off to the door and resigned for the night.
Author's Note:
Seems hanging, right? I thought so too. I'm not sure if I'll be writing a continuation or at least another point of view to this story. Clearly Nao's very troubled, so how about dear Shinpei who confessed? Well, who knows, ne? ^^ And my initial thought of this fic was kinda humorous or at least carrying an air far from the bewildered state of our dear bassist here. (Tsk. Forgot the notebook wherein I scribbled this idea, then the mused knocked me after morning coffee and two sticks of cig. Bitch.)
Anyway, I'm sorry for the lack of heart-thumping events with this story. I'll gather more courage and write more for Kagrra,.
Comments are appreciated! ^^
Chapter: 1/1
Author: granitemouth
Characters / Pairings: Nao x Shin (Kagrra,)
Genre: general, musing
Rating: G
Warning/s: none.
Disclaimer: them. mine. not.
Synopsis: Nao wasn't ready for that confession.
Comment: An old idea as to why in Kagrra no Su episode 75, siberianclaws, angelicoma and I wondered why Nao seemed somehow unfocused, thus his lost. (Lol, title wut.)
It was the sixth stick in a series of huffs and puffs that the humble nicotine stick was already burning his throat, slowly, painfully.
Nao, in his mindless act of easing his mind through smoking, has already lit the seventh stick in succession of the last one he had just grounded on his already worn-out portable ashtray, creasing the skin of the cigarette butt as he drilled it, ashes meeting metal in a brutal way. The bassist stared off the distance, reclining his back on the cold marble wall of his apartment building's rooftop. The night was falling deeper and the city closing to silence, though the lights prodded through, illuminating the streets and his sight.
At least he wasn't alone surviving the coldness of the night, still lost in memory of a not-so-distant past. Well, how could he? It was only this morning.
The image rewind yet again in sequence with his inhale of nicotine, his pulse rapidly increasing as he was reminded of those words:
I like you, Naoran.
It wasn't the first time someone had confessed to him, as girls from Hokkaido to Tokyo had professed their admiration to him time and time again. Some even said they love him as he was cool and handsome. Those words were easy to shake off; to be cruel and honest with himself, he didn't feel anything--sympathy or whatsoever--to those who only believed to feel something special, when they have always stood only from afar.
But this confession was different. He was different.
For a long time now...I have always liked, no, maybe love you, Nao.
How could he have missed that all these years? Certainly they were all close in the band. Surely he had never imagined romance budding from their strong, brotherly friendship. Yet that guy did. And he was brave, even daring, enough to admit it.
That guy; that shy, reserved guitarist and koto player whom he thought only had eyes on machines and instruments, named Shin was able to admit and submit to that impossible feelings and deliver it to him.
"Who would have thought..."
And the bassist had a smile playing on his lips when he mulled over his lousy response earlier to the shaking guitarist, hands clasped, perhaps in an effort to get himself together.
Nao scratched his head, wondering how long Shin had kept his feelings intact; seriously wondering how he could have overlooked the guitarist's glances to him as harmless, his concerns as a mere obligation to a friend, and all those composed songs written out of borrowed feelings from others. Everybody knew, definitely, that the guitarist was not the most fluent in expressing his feelings and most of the time he did so in wordless, small ways. Though shy and silent, the feeling of warmth from those humble acts, was utterly undeniable to everyone, if not, to him at least.
These thoughts filled his mind throughout the entire time their last card game for Kagrra no Su was taking place. The bassist was sure he did his best to resist the words confessed, the image of a sincere but brazen spirit alive in Shin's eyes, as well as the sensation that made his oxygen short and his stomach making somersaults at the same time. Yet all those things persisted like ink spilled on clear water; tainted, serenity crippled.
He saw Shin smile and laugh innocently like a child, sliding playfully through the smooth tatami mats, as if they were sand, the small stuffy room his playground; as if nothing happened earlier.
As if no words were bared just an hour before the staff briefed them of the new episode and how it was different from the previous card games. The guitarist seemed undisturbed by his presence, unlike him, who was so perplexed his chances of winning wore thin easily and the cards literally barely passed his palms. While Akiya and Izumi owned the game by themselves and Isshi effortlessly gave correct answers despite a cold catching up his reflexes, Nao tried his best to mask his confusion. A thick mass of air seemed to have conquered his chest and it became difficult to draw a smile for the camera, for the other members, and back to the energetic, brimming smaller man, always positioned beside him. Thankfully, he's known to wear a poker face in the unlikeliest of time so it mental and emotional panic was not at all transparent-perhaps not so much. Though limping through a competition was always unfavorable. And so was his lost and pathetic attempt to regain his cool.
His knees grew weaker by the minute until he just decided to let the situation end on its own hand: him being the loser, Izumi winning the game, Isshi settled being second, Akiya still poised being third and his dear guitarist happy in his own little world. Every time Shin forwarded a chaste comment on the game, he would be left scurrying for the right words through dazed eyes. In short, he wasn't able to make sense of whatever he managed to say.
Palms meeting forehead, Nao wondered what embarrassment he had made of himself earlier. And seriously, the loud thuds of his members' fingers on his forehead still rang a minuscule sensation of pain.
The bassist was suddenly disturbed by ashes blowing his face, as he had apparently forgotten the cigarette in his hand, including where he was, nor the passing of time. He debated whether another stick would be helpful or sleep be the better choice. Though the latter idea was inviting, Nao was more definite slumber would be evasive tonight as his night would be narrowed into an unmoving, suffocating space of a confession he has never been ready to take.
I'm sorry for disturbing you like this.
"Yeah, you surely did."
I could wait...for your answer. It doesn't matter what it is, I'll accept it.
As the words run mile after mile, rewinding and forwarding without mercy , Nao found his mouth filled with that bitter taste of tobacco, inhaling and exhaling as strongly as he could, taking the chance that perhaps the smoke could sweep off the lump of mixed emotions he has been carrying throughout the whole day. He was disoriented and exhausted beyond reason already.
The fact of the matter was, it wasn't as if he didn't know the answer to his own lingering questions. He didn't love Shin, but he wasn’t uninterested either. Being the sunny, breezy, guy that he is, the bassist sometimes felt compelled to lure the smaller man out of his shell made of work and personal, stubborn preferences in life. His efforts were at times fruitful, at times a failure, but for the fact that he cared for results, did that mean he held Shin special too? Was it the same as to how Shin saw him? Would it be alright to break him with a rejection? Would it be better to respond positively when he himself was not sure of what weight his words might cause his friend?
Everything remains in shadows, his feelings mystery. Somehow, this encounter made him see the other man in a different light and he delighted in that, at the very least.
As the night grew deeper, the chill of the wind had caught up as well. Nao gathered his pack of cigarettes and was rather thankful that he didn't drown himself too much with nicotine tonight. Though he wasn't sure for tomorrow, too. Maybe tomorrow, God would be more grateful and grant him some favorable ideas, or even answers.
Staring one last time to the neon lights across the city and to the street lamps of his quiet neighborhood flickering every now and then, the bassists walked off to the door and resigned for the night.
Author's Note:
Seems hanging, right? I thought so too. I'm not sure if I'll be writing a continuation or at least another point of view to this story. Clearly Nao's very troubled, so how about dear Shinpei who confessed? Well, who knows, ne? ^^ And my initial thought of this fic was kinda humorous or at least carrying an air far from the bewildered state of our dear bassist here. (Tsk. Forgot the notebook wherein I scribbled this idea, then the mused knocked me after morning coffee and two sticks of cig. Bitch.)
Anyway, I'm sorry for the lack of heart-thumping events with this story. I'll gather more courage and write more for Kagrra,.
Comments are appreciated! ^^