Comparisons
Title: Comparisons
Team Name: Death Eaters
Word Count: 300 (If mentions of Hermione count?)
Rating: T?
Challenge: Size Matters, Muggle Device
Characters: Severus, Ron, mention of Hermione.
Authors Notes: Thanks to septentrion1970 for betaing.
Credit to kribu for the idea. Although any sacrilegious ideas are purely down to the twisted plot bunny. Nothing to do with me. Honest.
Ron almost walked back out of the men’s loos when he saw the bridegroom was in there. But the pressure in his bladder reminded him that he had little choice. It was go now, or piddle on the dance floor. He really could do without making a fool of himself at Hermione’s wedding.
He wasn’t scared of Snape. He’d prove it. Ron squared his shoulders and marched over to the urinals and proceeded to make use of the one next to Hermione’s new husband.
What could Hermione possibly see in the git? Ron’s disgusted curiosity overwhelmed him. He peered over.
*
Ron smiled smugly. Well, whatever it was, it wasn’t that.
Snape shook himself off and tucked his length (Ron sniggered quietly) back inside his trousers, and refastened his dress robes.
“Size does not matter, Weasley.”
Caught in the act, Ron flushed, but didn’t look away. That would make it look like he was scared.
“It’s what you do with it that counts.” Snape smirked. “And I assure you, Hermione is very satisfied in the marital bed.”
Ron blanched.
Snape turned to the door. “By her account, you hadn’t the slightest idea what to do.”
“At least I’m bigger!” Ron blustered.
*
“And I do know what to do. Hermione wouldn’t spread nasty rumours like that!” Ron protested, belatedly realising that he should have defended his prowess in bed first.
“Not when erect, again according to Hermione.” Just before he opened the door, Snape turned back to say: “She also mentioned that you would be more convincing of your natural length if you didn’t leave your Muggle contraption lying around.”
“My what?” Ron yelped, his voice unnaturally high. Hermione wouldn’t- she didn’t know about that- but how’d Snape know?
Snape curled his lip. “Your penis enlarger. And you call yourself a wizard.”
Team Name: Death Eaters
Word Count: 300 (If mentions of Hermione count?)
Rating: T?
Challenge: Size Matters, Muggle Device
Characters: Severus, Ron, mention of Hermione.
Authors Notes: Thanks to septentrion1970 for betaing.
Credit to kribu for the idea. Although any sacrilegious ideas are purely down to the twisted plot bunny. Nothing to do with me. Honest.
Ron almost walked back out of the men’s loos when he saw the bridegroom was in there. But the pressure in his bladder reminded him that he had little choice. It was go now, or piddle on the dance floor. He really could do without making a fool of himself at Hermione’s wedding.
He wasn’t scared of Snape. He’d prove it. Ron squared his shoulders and marched over to the urinals and proceeded to make use of the one next to Hermione’s new husband.
What could Hermione possibly see in the git? Ron’s disgusted curiosity overwhelmed him. He peered over.
*
Ron smiled smugly. Well, whatever it was, it wasn’t that.
Snape shook himself off and tucked his length (Ron sniggered quietly) back inside his trousers, and refastened his dress robes.
“Size does not matter, Weasley.”
Caught in the act, Ron flushed, but didn’t look away. That would make it look like he was scared.
“It’s what you do with it that counts.” Snape smirked. “And I assure you, Hermione is very satisfied in the marital bed.”
Ron blanched.
Snape turned to the door. “By her account, you hadn’t the slightest idea what to do.”
“At least I’m bigger!” Ron blustered.
*
“And I do know what to do. Hermione wouldn’t spread nasty rumours like that!” Ron protested, belatedly realising that he should have defended his prowess in bed first.
“Not when erect, again according to Hermione.” Just before he opened the door, Snape turned back to say: “She also mentioned that you would be more convincing of your natural length if you didn’t leave your Muggle contraption lying around.”
“My what?” Ron yelped, his voice unnaturally high. Hermione wouldn’t- she didn’t know about that- but how’d Snape know?
Snape curled his lip. “Your penis enlarger. And you call yourself a wizard.”