post masters and policemen
so i've been making trips to the post office like every other day. i've had good reasons to go- like sending care packages, presents, cards, letters, pictures, college stuff- but STILL i get the feeling i've hit rock bottom when the post master dude knows my name. hmm.
so i can't believe it's been three days since friday. friday was "let's catch rachel off guard day" everybody laughs their ass off when they find out that me and my rolling stops were finally found out, but man i gotta defend that cop. he and i are like family, man. he knows me almost as well as the post master.
cop: Why didn't you stop at the stop sign.
me: Did you just ask, why is there a stop sign there?
cop: No i KNOW why there's a stop sign there, why didn't you obey it?
me: (thinking: well gee officer, i NEVER stop at THAT stop sign!) (offers) I just got asked out?
cop: well congratulations. day before valentine's, eh?
me: yeaaah.
he then asked for my license, which i ddn't have, because i never have it, but i felt like i should at least pretend i MIGHT have it. i shuffled through the glove compartment, my backpack, and was considering getting out and flipping down the back seat to conduct a long, agonizingly thorough search just for kicks, when i said: you know what? i don't think i have it!
when asked why i ddn't have it, i offered that i'd had to take it out for a passport application for an exciting upcoming trip to europe (which i keenly left out, is also called the disco drinking tour). he didn't really care (which makes me wonder why he asked) and he told me to find some other ID. during this new search, my mid year reports flew all over the place and the cop asks: what's with all this mail?
i considered saying, why sir, it's part of the drug cartel i run. but instead, i responded: they're my applications to stanford yale columbia, and brown.
good schools, he replies. but again, i get the sense he doesn't care, which is disappointing, bcz for some reason i thought that'd make him nicer to me.
it didn't- he took my ID- and disappeared into his mini-vehicle-from-hell for three YEARS. when he came back, i was giggling to myself at all my failed attempts to con my way out of a ticket. why couldn't i just be like lauren and break down in tears? why couldn't i flash my "stewart ng the cop" card like kim and get out of it? for some reason, i had only half-assed my attempts at getting out of it. did i WANT a ticket?
anyways, the cop comes and says: ok, do you want the good news or the bad news.
me: bad news.
cop: you're getting a ticket.
ASSHOLE! i screamed, driving off.
just kidding. thinking DAMMIT YOU JACKASS, i said, ok.
cop: the good news is, it's for not having your license. it won't go on your record, cost you anything, or up your insurance.
i was still thinking...you sweet bastaaard.
anyways, on the ticket, he wrote that i needed to appear in court that same day at 1:30 pm. When he flagged me down, it was like 10:15 PM. dude, cops around here. so while i'm busy time-traveling, i'll make sure to come to complete stops behind the white (useless, useless) line.
so i can't believe it's been three days since friday. friday was "let's catch rachel off guard day" everybody laughs their ass off when they find out that me and my rolling stops were finally found out, but man i gotta defend that cop. he and i are like family, man. he knows me almost as well as the post master.
cop: Why didn't you stop at the stop sign.
me: Did you just ask, why is there a stop sign there?
cop: No i KNOW why there's a stop sign there, why didn't you obey it?
me: (thinking: well gee officer, i NEVER stop at THAT stop sign!) (offers) I just got asked out?
cop: well congratulations. day before valentine's, eh?
me: yeaaah.
he then asked for my license, which i ddn't have, because i never have it, but i felt like i should at least pretend i MIGHT have it. i shuffled through the glove compartment, my backpack, and was considering getting out and flipping down the back seat to conduct a long, agonizingly thorough search just for kicks, when i said: you know what? i don't think i have it!
when asked why i ddn't have it, i offered that i'd had to take it out for a passport application for an exciting upcoming trip to europe (which i keenly left out, is also called the disco drinking tour). he didn't really care (which makes me wonder why he asked) and he told me to find some other ID. during this new search, my mid year reports flew all over the place and the cop asks: what's with all this mail?
i considered saying, why sir, it's part of the drug cartel i run. but instead, i responded: they're my applications to stanford yale columbia, and brown.
good schools, he replies. but again, i get the sense he doesn't care, which is disappointing, bcz for some reason i thought that'd make him nicer to me.
it didn't- he took my ID- and disappeared into his mini-vehicle-from-hell for three YEARS. when he came back, i was giggling to myself at all my failed attempts to con my way out of a ticket. why couldn't i just be like lauren and break down in tears? why couldn't i flash my "stewart ng the cop" card like kim and get out of it? for some reason, i had only half-assed my attempts at getting out of it. did i WANT a ticket?
anyways, the cop comes and says: ok, do you want the good news or the bad news.
me: bad news.
cop: you're getting a ticket.
ASSHOLE! i screamed, driving off.
just kidding. thinking DAMMIT YOU JACKASS, i said, ok.
cop: the good news is, it's for not having your license. it won't go on your record, cost you anything, or up your insurance.
i was still thinking...you sweet bastaaard.
anyways, on the ticket, he wrote that i needed to appear in court that same day at 1:30 pm. When he flagged me down, it was like 10:15 PM. dude, cops around here. so while i'm busy time-traveling, i'll make sure to come to complete stops behind the white (useless, useless) line.