i'm good.
i'm good now. and it's weird. and believe it or not being okay makes me so nervous. cause it leaves me waiting til i do something to somehow just ruin it. or find something wrong. or just look for something to be disappointed about.
nonetheless, right now. i'm good. i've been realizing a lot.
i've also been so confused about so much in my life. but little by little i find myself seeing things differently then before. i guess that gives me hope. things aren't always as they seem. apparently. there's some truth in that.
i'm just trying to take one moment at a time.
and enjoy it. and savor it. or at least not judge it based on past experiences or preconceived notions i hate that i always have in my head.
i am realizing that i have so much that is good. i'm such a moody person. so much of life depends on your own disposition. whether or not youre open to finding and accepting the beauty in peopleideasplacesthingswordsmusic. or if you'd rather take an easier escape route by complaining about everything all the time. not even opening your eyes to what might be right in front of you.
you know those things that just bam hit with you this huge dose of perspective? yah well. it's weird. i'm watching this absolutely horrible movie in french class no less, about a young girl who initially just has some heart difficulties then they progressively get more serious, until eventually she needs a heart transplant. there are details that wouldn't really make too much of a difference. (of course, the details are what got to me..but no matter.) for some reason, this story unlike most tragedies i hear about or see on the news that i've become most certainly numb to, this hit me hard.
i'm not even sure why.
and it's not even in that oh thank god i have my health way. (i never really understood why people say "have" for that. it's not possessive is it? it isn't something you own.) cause yah. thankfully i am healthy. but it's more in a i feel myself being okay with what i have and who i am. and that's such a great feeling. given, it goes and comes as it pleases without any advance notice. but when it's here. when this good feeling in me and around me is here. i'm good. and i'm okay. and i'm not feeling miserable about every single little thing i encounter.
i'm sure my next entry will not show any trace of anything i've just said. but i'll look back. remember. and hopefully it'll remind me during a bad time that this feeling might come back again sometime soon.
that's all for now..
(i sat on a bench today. in back of a very old building that apparently is the east hampton library. i sat there. it was sunny. and i just stared at my feet. and i thought to myself. my feet have been in so many places. so many weird, expected, unexpected, good, really bad, exciting, and boring places..and the list just goes on.. and i'm only 17. and it's weird. i became very hopeful for my future. just by looking at my feet.)
nonetheless, right now. i'm good. i've been realizing a lot.
i've also been so confused about so much in my life. but little by little i find myself seeing things differently then before. i guess that gives me hope. things aren't always as they seem. apparently. there's some truth in that.
i'm just trying to take one moment at a time.
and enjoy it. and savor it. or at least not judge it based on past experiences or preconceived notions i hate that i always have in my head.
i am realizing that i have so much that is good. i'm such a moody person. so much of life depends on your own disposition. whether or not youre open to finding and accepting the beauty in peopleideasplacesthingswordsmusic. or if you'd rather take an easier escape route by complaining about everything all the time. not even opening your eyes to what might be right in front of you.
you know those things that just bam hit with you this huge dose of perspective? yah well. it's weird. i'm watching this absolutely horrible movie in french class no less, about a young girl who initially just has some heart difficulties then they progressively get more serious, until eventually she needs a heart transplant. there are details that wouldn't really make too much of a difference. (of course, the details are what got to me..but no matter.) for some reason, this story unlike most tragedies i hear about or see on the news that i've become most certainly numb to, this hit me hard.
i'm not even sure why.
and it's not even in that oh thank god i have my health way. (i never really understood why people say "have" for that. it's not possessive is it? it isn't something you own.) cause yah. thankfully i am healthy. but it's more in a i feel myself being okay with what i have and who i am. and that's such a great feeling. given, it goes and comes as it pleases without any advance notice. but when it's here. when this good feeling in me and around me is here. i'm good. and i'm okay. and i'm not feeling miserable about every single little thing i encounter.
i'm sure my next entry will not show any trace of anything i've just said. but i'll look back. remember. and hopefully it'll remind me during a bad time that this feeling might come back again sometime soon.
that's all for now..
(i sat on a bench today. in back of a very old building that apparently is the east hampton library. i sat there. it was sunny. and i just stared at my feet. and i thought to myself. my feet have been in so many places. so many weird, expected, unexpected, good, really bad, exciting, and boring places..and the list just goes on.. and i'm only 17. and it's weird. i became very hopeful for my future. just by looking at my feet.)