(no subject)
I don't know what it is, but within the last couple months, I've found an increasingley large amount of people, both online and off, hating me, quite a bit. I used to be the kind of person that would sit around and try to figure out what I did that was so wrong to make them hate me, but I've given up on that. Trust me when I say that I know when I've done something wrong to someone, and I damn well know when I deserve to be treated like shit. I'm naturally a very temperamental and angry person, but lately I've been trying to control it, and it's worked to an extent. I go to work, get treated like shit by most of the people I work with, for no good reason. I do alot for most of these people, and they're appreciative for about two seconds, then they proceed to treat me like garbage once again. If it weren't for the one or two people that I work with that truly appreciate what I do, I'd probably go nuts. Then after all that shit, I get to come home to a 24/7 pissed father. He's always angry about something, and 99% of the time it gets projected onto me. I hear my step-mother in the other room talking to my grandma about how I 'Slept all day and didn't really do anything.' Well you know what bitch? I worked till fucking midnight, then I stopped by Wal-Mart to get you a fucking bag of ice because you called me eighteen times at work on my cell phone about it. If it's so fucking important, you can set a pale of water outside for a few hours, it's pretty cold. But god damnit... it's pretty sad when I actually call my mother for comfort. She's the last person in the world anyone should ever turn to for advice, but I've called her several times in the past months, and the conversations are pathetic. So when I go home at night knowing no one in my family gives a flying shit about me, I have no real friends, nobody to call, nobody to hang out with, nobody to even talk to, a prisoner in my own fucking world, you'd easily be able to admit I have every reason in the world to act pissed all the damn time, but believe it or not, I really fucking don't. You think I'm an asshole? A jerk? A pathetic waste of angry space who doesn't deserve the time of day from people who he would move the fucking earth for? Look at my life and tell me what am I suppose to fucking do. Buck up? Be a fucking man? Well I've pushed on the walls of my existence in order to try and be an adult, live on my own, grow up, and all it does is make things worse. Alot more could be ranted about, but I'd be suprised if anyone made it this far.