It's a thought
This September 11th is the sixth anniversary of… well, September 11th. Now we could ignore it, we could wallow in it, or we could make it a day that actually makes sense and honors our fallen countrymen by doing something.
That's why I propose making September 11th National Life's Too Short Day. Life is too short; you never know when nineteen scumbags armed with box cutters and pure, sweet faith are going to end it. I guess there are lessons we might learn from that, like religion makes people crazy - but that can't be right, because Jesus told me it in a dream. Life's too short for finger-pointing; we can't blame religion, and we certainly can't blame Saudi Arabia, where the killers came from, and we can't blame our oil habit that funded the Saudis who made the system that bred the killers.
We can't blame our government for not protecting us; Bush had only been president for a year, and his father had only been around the White House for twelve. We can't blame the Senate; how are they supposed to read the signals from the Middle East? They can't even tell when the guy in the next stall wants to suck them off!
We can't change the system, but we can change ourselves - and if you're a prostitute, David Vitter's diapers.
That's why from now on September 11th will be a day to look at our own lives and say, “life's just too fucking short.”
Are you dating someone you don't really like, but you're not breaking up because you're just too lazy? Dump them this Tuesday. Life's too short.
Do you have real enemies who want you dead? Ask yourself: do I want them to kill me here at Soup Plantation? No, you don't. Go to a real restaurant with warm food. Life's too short.
Working in a job you hate? Quit it. Watching a movie about transformers? Walk out. Life's too short. Reading an eight-hundred page book about a magical schoolboy? Life is way too fucking short for that.
Making small talk, reading The Atlantic, listening to folk music, learning the difference between plasma and LCD. Following soccer? Repeat after me: Life is too short.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get home. I want to check in on my Facebook page, and I've Tivo'd fifteen episodes of Lost.
And thus, with Bill Maher's blessing, I end my thirty-ninth year.