Rules for a Proper Hate Obituary
We are now approaching the 24-hour mark following the death of Senator Edward Kennedy, youngest scion of Camelot and bearer of the torch of liberalism for the past thirty years. We have spent the day listening and reading many very glowing obituaries for the Lion of the Senate. Now we prepare for the backlash.
Before that begins, I believe we need to review the three rules for drafting the proper hate obituary:
1) Your writing has to be interesting. If you stutter through twelve paragraphs of "he was a doodie head", you are failing as a person, much less a writer. The true hate obituary weaves words together in order to set a torch to the memory of an otherwise great person. If you are only playing with wet matches, go the hell home.
2) You have to know the person. A proper hate obituary has to be personal. You can't be some low grade newspaper hack or anonymous "political" blogger. If that person couldn't pick you out of a lineup if your hair was on fire and you were wearing a Falcon's #7 jersey, you do not have standing to hold that person's jockstrap. Your obituary will simply rehash all of the tired old tropes about the person, and we will all be worse for it.
3) The person has to know you hated them. No pot shots after death to ride the anti-canonization bandwagon, slacker. Say you had been close enough to the person to taste the stench of the devil on his clothes and have his foul breath peel back the edge of your scalp. If you were a coward and smiled at his crooked teeth and shook his sickly little hand, you lost your opportunity. Purest hate, that which creates a proper hate obituary, can only be fostered on a personal, reciprocal level. Don't be a poseur.
Now, for perspective, the highest and best example of a proper hate obituary can be found here. Good luck.
[cross posted from talk_politics]
Before that begins, I believe we need to review the three rules for drafting the proper hate obituary:
1) Your writing has to be interesting. If you stutter through twelve paragraphs of "he was a doodie head", you are failing as a person, much less a writer. The true hate obituary weaves words together in order to set a torch to the memory of an otherwise great person. If you are only playing with wet matches, go the hell home.
2) You have to know the person. A proper hate obituary has to be personal. You can't be some low grade newspaper hack or anonymous "political" blogger. If that person couldn't pick you out of a lineup if your hair was on fire and you were wearing a Falcon's #7 jersey, you do not have standing to hold that person's jockstrap. Your obituary will simply rehash all of the tired old tropes about the person, and we will all be worse for it.
3) The person has to know you hated them. No pot shots after death to ride the anti-canonization bandwagon, slacker. Say you had been close enough to the person to taste the stench of the devil on his clothes and have his foul breath peel back the edge of your scalp. If you were a coward and smiled at his crooked teeth and shook his sickly little hand, you lost your opportunity. Purest hate, that which creates a proper hate obituary, can only be fostered on a personal, reciprocal level. Don't be a poseur.
Now, for perspective, the highest and best example of a proper hate obituary can be found here. Good luck.
[cross posted from talk_politics]