(no subject)
so i know i haven't written in this in a while, but i really needed ot get my feelings out and this is the only way i know how. I know no one reads livejournal anymore nad i guess thats good b/c in a way this isn't meant to be read. I just feel so shitty lately and i don't understand why it is that i go for so long feeling really great and happy and then i get really depressed. I feel like i dont' tlak to anyone anymore and everyone is either to busy to hang out with me or has better things to do. and then theres all the peopel who for some reason or another are mad at me. I feel like this has been the worst summer of my life nad i wish it would end. Once again i wish i could move away and start over on my own away from everyone. My family doesn't understand that they are ruining things for me and making my life miserable. it seems like everytime i try to be the good kid i just get hated more. when i try to be firends with her and make her feel less alone she only makes me feel more alone and shitty. I hate that everything is always about her. I hate that everything is always about everyone else. no one cares. it seems like i am always there for whoever needs me its like i am just this person you can come to and dump allyour feelings on. but then when i need to to dump my feelings no one is there to listen or even if they are there they arent' listening or they minimize it. I HATE when people tell me what i think or feel b/c they don't know./ you can't sit there and be like no thats not what you think... you think this. b/c if thats what i think thats what ill say. why is it that my parents take credit for all the good things about me that i dont' think they are responsible for at all bu they dont' take credit for the bad stuff. its always why are you acting like this.... you have an attitdue problem. if i did the things they make me want to do i think i would be dead now. My only hope is that in one year i will be gone hopefully to California... too bad no one knows or cares why i want to go there. its only a metter of we aren't paying and you can't get a scholorship. Well i will fucking take out loans to get away from you. ok i guess im done ranting now. i only wish i could tell them this and actually get my point across. I really really hate them and i think that makes me a horrible person.