i feel artsy sometimes.
i was squinting in the face of the sun today
on the roosevelt boulevard,
when i suddenly realized - again
that i hate the world that i live in.
i passed three wal-marts.
two targets.
a series of chain stores.
nothing original.
nothing beautiful.
the leaves in the trees had even lost a fair amount of their splendor.
i was convinced the leaves were staying greener longer because of my heart being warm this year.
i was wrong.
they are falling in abundance, as the clocks turned back to two.
i'm in a mopey mood, can you tell?
i hope my colors aren't showing
or fading.
or running onto white paper...
i want so badly to settle into a routine, and just stick with it.
not be inquisitive by nature.
not try to figure out how i got to be where i am and why it happened this way.
my original motivation for moving here is gone,
and oddly enough, i have five more.
life's funny.
tricky.
silly, sometimes.
i said i wasn't going to smoke for every day you were gone,
today i cheated and had two. three.
i lied.
six.
and it's only six at night, so what's that saying?
it's really lonely when the stars come out, and you're not home.
i'll play dead to anyone who isn't you.
if i were a judge, i'd only give out run on sentences.
i'm in a mellow, violent, angry, depressed state.
mixing emotions is never the best.
my heart is full of love
and my stomach full of liquor.
tl;dr.