But
This semester has started out great. I've been working out and the classes I'm taking are great. Everything seems to be falling into place. I feel like I am able to exhale because things seem to be going in the right direction. Last semester...last year, there were a lot of times when I was "holding my breath." Maybe it's my attitude or making all these changes in my life, but things just feel different. Different in a good way for a change. It's hard to keep hold of the new wonderfulness. I find myself falling back into my old ways. Old habits really do die hard. When all is said and done I want to be able to say that I am proud of all the choices I made and the paths I chose. Thus far, I can. Even the paths that lead me to terrible truths made me a better person. And unlike a lot of people I learn from my mistakes. But I am so afraid of life hitting me again. That last slap in the face almost killed me, or it felt like it. I cannot and will not lose the best thing that has ever happened to me. No matter how afraid of life or myself I am. It's time to get more serious about myself. Me has been neglected for so long...I'm honestly not sure where to start. All the rubbish is laying at my feet and I'm feeling like running. Building myself up again is not a task I am confident in. How do you rebuild something that took 18 years to create? Should you in fact pick up the pieces, or should you build over all that's there? This year is going to be challenging on so many levels. Honestly though, I can say I am ready to take them on...whatever they may be.