My Lungs Are Burning
Derby practice kicked my ass. I knew I'm not in such great shape but whew... This is going to be hard work. So many skills to learn in a short time - at this point my main goal is to pass "Level 1 Assessments" at the end of the month so I'm allowed to hit people on skates (woo!). I waffle back and forth between HELL YES I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS and Oh Shit I Can't, I Can't, It Hurts, I Can't!
I feel so slow and out of shape around some of these women, but I'm still trying to focus on not comparing myself to them. I've got to go at my own speed, try not to get frustrated that I can't do things yet. I'm learning - holy shit, if you'd seen the wobbly unbalanced mess I was the first time I put skates on, you'd be amazed at what I can do now! I'm a little amazed. I still can't believe I'm actually doing it, that I've had this amazing GIFT of just being allowed to learn. I don't care how long it takes me. I was expecting to wait until July to get to join the team, so every minute I get now doing suicides and jammer hell** is pure gravy. (Although that's the furthest thing from my mind during jammer hell).
And maybe some of this is the post-workout adrenaline talking, but I love these women so much already. I felt slow and awkward all practice, trying to learn things that don't come naturally (while moving quickly with wheels strapped to your feet, baseball-slide at a wall, turn around, get up and take off in the other direction as fast as possible, repeat). It was way way out of my comfort zone (which tends to only include things I'm naturally good at). But the girls on the training committee were all encouraging, and a few of them said what a good job I'm doing and how much I've improved. I could have kissed them. I am so, so, so grateful that I've found this community of incredible women, and that they LET ME IN. I'm going to go lie in bed and bask in the feeling. I'm so lucky. I'd say I feel blessed, but I hate using that word. I feel thankful. Like I never have before.
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**Jammer Hell: 2 minute sprint, 30 seconds coast, repeat until you want to die (Roller Derby jams have a maximum length of 2 minutes, which the jammer spends in a pretty much constant sprint, and there are 30 seconds between jams)
I feel so slow and out of shape around some of these women, but I'm still trying to focus on not comparing myself to them. I've got to go at my own speed, try not to get frustrated that I can't do things yet. I'm learning - holy shit, if you'd seen the wobbly unbalanced mess I was the first time I put skates on, you'd be amazed at what I can do now! I'm a little amazed. I still can't believe I'm actually doing it, that I've had this amazing GIFT of just being allowed to learn. I don't care how long it takes me. I was expecting to wait until July to get to join the team, so every minute I get now doing suicides and jammer hell** is pure gravy. (Although that's the furthest thing from my mind during jammer hell).
And maybe some of this is the post-workout adrenaline talking, but I love these women so much already. I felt slow and awkward all practice, trying to learn things that don't come naturally (while moving quickly with wheels strapped to your feet, baseball-slide at a wall, turn around, get up and take off in the other direction as fast as possible, repeat). It was way way out of my comfort zone (which tends to only include things I'm naturally good at). But the girls on the training committee were all encouraging, and a few of them said what a good job I'm doing and how much I've improved. I could have kissed them. I am so, so, so grateful that I've found this community of incredible women, and that they LET ME IN. I'm going to go lie in bed and bask in the feeling. I'm so lucky. I'd say I feel blessed, but I hate using that word. I feel thankful. Like I never have before.
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**Jammer Hell: 2 minute sprint, 30 seconds coast, repeat until you want to die (Roller Derby jams have a maximum length of 2 minutes, which the jammer spends in a pretty much constant sprint, and there are 30 seconds between jams)