eating disorderly conduct
when i was 2-3 yrs old i had a bunch of seizures. straight up shooting from 96 degrees F to 103 in a matter of 45 minutes would throw my tiny body into little spasms all over the bathroom floor. i hung out in the children's hospital on a couple of different occasions, and actually went into an experimental program where they gave me adult doses of valium to make sure that i didnt knock myself out against the bathroom tiles, bedpost, or any hard object my softspots couldnt yet handle. i had to get routine tests, full on with my brainwaves getting scanned as they cemented brain wave readers onto my newly shaved head. what the fuck are those things called? (googling brain wave scanner is giving me nothing except for mri's, but images did give me this:
which certainly is something)
my mom likes to tell the story of the nice doctor who was putting me at ease by asking me what i wanted to be when i grew up. i came straight out with a one word answer: judge. they asked me if i wanted to be a lawyer first, and i passed on that, because really, who needs all that schooling and memorizing of cases and precedents to determine what is right and what is wrong? i almost envy judge judy sometimes. i think its safe to say that i have achieved that dream, as i am a fairly judgemental person. i DO judge books by their covers. if the author didnt even care enough to get a cover that is appealing or interesting, and the title of their book is something shitty like "the constant complainer", im not picking that shit up to even read the blurb. striking cover art can compensate for any shitty name, at least to get me to read the blurb and then further judge it based on its looks or 45 words describing it. i judge people pretty harshly, not cause im an elitist, cause i dont think im any better, but mostly because im a pothead asshole. im comfortable in this role.
so i took a bunch of valium only after they put medicine in my food, and tried to trick me into taking it. i was a cunt of a kid and am currently a cunt of a manboy, but im just starting to realize how fucking weird i am about food. i never ate scrambled eggs until about two years ago. this wasnt because i was objecting to eating chicken fetus. i was objecting to the LOOK of an egg. shit looks weird. draw an egg with yoke right now and you will see, that shit is fucking alien. now i love scrambled eggs. but man, fucking anythign with egg at all i was like NAH I AINT EATING THAT I SAW THE EGGS GO INTO THAT PANCAKE MIX SORRY ILL STICK WITH MICROWAVE VERSION FUCKING IDIOT ASSHOLE I WAS. but im getting over that. slowly introducing foods that wont give me a heartattack into my everyday diet, to go along with those foods that will continue to give me heart attacks. thinking about how silly i am about eating is because i was judging everything based on what it looks like. i had some traditional swedish meal made for me by a really awesome bartender, who made it for us for free because he liked us, and it was basically the ugliest food ever. but man, that shit was tasty. sure, i did end up vomiting all over my own pants while sitting at that bar, but i think that was due to me chain smoking with some drunk swede dude who was telling me about all the fucked up shit he had to do with lawyers and the government after his father died just to see what kind of an inheritence they thought he was entitled to. goddamn debt collectors are the debt creators in the first place. in an attempt to come full circle with this incoherent work induced boredom having rant of shit talk and dick farts, im thinking i should open my brain up a bit more, at the very least in regards to certain aspects of my life, particularly superficial ones. i am a rambling cunt and just gave some dude snide remarks because he lived on chuckanut rd
which certainly is something)
my mom likes to tell the story of the nice doctor who was putting me at ease by asking me what i wanted to be when i grew up. i came straight out with a one word answer: judge. they asked me if i wanted to be a lawyer first, and i passed on that, because really, who needs all that schooling and memorizing of cases and precedents to determine what is right and what is wrong? i almost envy judge judy sometimes. i think its safe to say that i have achieved that dream, as i am a fairly judgemental person. i DO judge books by their covers. if the author didnt even care enough to get a cover that is appealing or interesting, and the title of their book is something shitty like "the constant complainer", im not picking that shit up to even read the blurb. striking cover art can compensate for any shitty name, at least to get me to read the blurb and then further judge it based on its looks or 45 words describing it. i judge people pretty harshly, not cause im an elitist, cause i dont think im any better, but mostly because im a pothead asshole. im comfortable in this role.
so i took a bunch of valium only after they put medicine in my food, and tried to trick me into taking it. i was a cunt of a kid and am currently a cunt of a manboy, but im just starting to realize how fucking weird i am about food. i never ate scrambled eggs until about two years ago. this wasnt because i was objecting to eating chicken fetus. i was objecting to the LOOK of an egg. shit looks weird. draw an egg with yoke right now and you will see, that shit is fucking alien. now i love scrambled eggs. but man, fucking anythign with egg at all i was like NAH I AINT EATING THAT I SAW THE EGGS GO INTO THAT PANCAKE MIX SORRY ILL STICK WITH MICROWAVE VERSION FUCKING IDIOT ASSHOLE I WAS. but im getting over that. slowly introducing foods that wont give me a heartattack into my everyday diet, to go along with those foods that will continue to give me heart attacks. thinking about how silly i am about eating is because i was judging everything based on what it looks like. i had some traditional swedish meal made for me by a really awesome bartender, who made it for us for free because he liked us, and it was basically the ugliest food ever. but man, that shit was tasty. sure, i did end up vomiting all over my own pants while sitting at that bar, but i think that was due to me chain smoking with some drunk swede dude who was telling me about all the fucked up shit he had to do with lawyers and the government after his father died just to see what kind of an inheritence they thought he was entitled to. goddamn debt collectors are the debt creators in the first place. in an attempt to come full circle with this incoherent work induced boredom having rant of shit talk and dick farts, im thinking i should open my brain up a bit more, at the very least in regards to certain aspects of my life, particularly superficial ones. i am a rambling cunt and just gave some dude snide remarks because he lived on chuckanut rd