(no subject)
i just dont know anymore.
my parents have been on my back alot lately about doign somthing with myself. only nobody knows what "somthing" means. as of now, i do not wanna go to college... basically because i have no reason to be there. i don't know "waht i wanna do for the rest of my life." i dont wanna think that way. i am sick of this. ever since i can remember, it's all about what you wanna do when you grow up and whatever that is, its what you're doing for your "career" (aka your whole fucking life) i mean what is that? a fucking career? or you serious? i don't want a career. i mean unless there is somthing cool i can do withmy self that strikes my interests AND that is in my reach...as far as careers, that is nothing. there are things. like just living with a large group of people and just having a dead end job and living day by day. constant hanging out with friends and nothing but good times.
for those of you who disagree with that im sure you're first thought is "well ya can't be doing that when you're 30."
my answer... well why the fuck not?
ok maybe when im 40 ill need to figure somthing out.. i mean whatever, it could go either way. well uh howabout worrying about it then.
i dont know.
my parents are starting to get real hard about this stuff.
my dad dropped this on me today:
"when you arent in school, you are out of the hosue, or paying for rent"
that was just such a huge blow.
i don't wanna be a bum or anything. but i dont wanna go to college because if i did, it would just be going through the motions. i don't have anything i want to learn in college. what do they want me to do? pick somthing out of a hat?
my parents know the problem but when i try to talk to them about helping me find a solution, they just dont wanna talk about it anymore.
i am prefectly content with just going along with whatever comes to me ya know? just getting a job where i can work comfortable hours, enough to pay rent in a house hopefully with some friends and just go from there.
at the same time, i dont want to be on bad terms with my family. and i am WILLING to try or explore other options. but all they do is complain. im doing this wrong, im doing that wrong. well i can't do these things right when i don't know what right is. i dont know what anyone wants from me anymore. im sick of all my flaws and "my problems" being pointed out to me and thats the end of it. well this is what i know. this is how i feel. so what the fuck. and it stops there. its just this is wrong and that is wrong and that is it. nobody tells me HOW to do it right, only that i am doing it wrong.
you think you know what you want to do with yourself, and you think it feels right. but then so many people just shit all over it and you begin to doubt it. then your lost.
i am only 17 fucking years old.
i want to say i dont want to think about my future, or dont care.. but the truth is i do.
but i don't understand why everyone wants my life to be a bummer.
why do teachers and parents want me to do all this bullshit that i dont want to do. when i tell them over and over this is not what i want, this is not what makes me happy.
this is somthing i have had to deal with forever. we all deal with it. thats what parents do. but its just getting to the point where its real overwhelming and a lot more constant. now they wont let it go. now they are getting serious.
i dont know what to do anymore.
my parents have been on my back alot lately about doign somthing with myself. only nobody knows what "somthing" means. as of now, i do not wanna go to college... basically because i have no reason to be there. i don't know "waht i wanna do for the rest of my life." i dont wanna think that way. i am sick of this. ever since i can remember, it's all about what you wanna do when you grow up and whatever that is, its what you're doing for your "career" (aka your whole fucking life) i mean what is that? a fucking career? or you serious? i don't want a career. i mean unless there is somthing cool i can do withmy self that strikes my interests AND that is in my reach...as far as careers, that is nothing. there are things. like just living with a large group of people and just having a dead end job and living day by day. constant hanging out with friends and nothing but good times.
for those of you who disagree with that im sure you're first thought is "well ya can't be doing that when you're 30."
my answer... well why the fuck not?
ok maybe when im 40 ill need to figure somthing out.. i mean whatever, it could go either way. well uh howabout worrying about it then.
i dont know.
my parents are starting to get real hard about this stuff.
my dad dropped this on me today:
"when you arent in school, you are out of the hosue, or paying for rent"
that was just such a huge blow.
i don't wanna be a bum or anything. but i dont wanna go to college because if i did, it would just be going through the motions. i don't have anything i want to learn in college. what do they want me to do? pick somthing out of a hat?
my parents know the problem but when i try to talk to them about helping me find a solution, they just dont wanna talk about it anymore.
i am prefectly content with just going along with whatever comes to me ya know? just getting a job where i can work comfortable hours, enough to pay rent in a house hopefully with some friends and just go from there.
at the same time, i dont want to be on bad terms with my family. and i am WILLING to try or explore other options. but all they do is complain. im doing this wrong, im doing that wrong. well i can't do these things right when i don't know what right is. i dont know what anyone wants from me anymore. im sick of all my flaws and "my problems" being pointed out to me and thats the end of it. well this is what i know. this is how i feel. so what the fuck. and it stops there. its just this is wrong and that is wrong and that is it. nobody tells me HOW to do it right, only that i am doing it wrong.
you think you know what you want to do with yourself, and you think it feels right. but then so many people just shit all over it and you begin to doubt it. then your lost.
i am only 17 fucking years old.
i want to say i dont want to think about my future, or dont care.. but the truth is i do.
but i don't understand why everyone wants my life to be a bummer.
why do teachers and parents want me to do all this bullshit that i dont want to do. when i tell them over and over this is not what i want, this is not what makes me happy.
this is somthing i have had to deal with forever. we all deal with it. thats what parents do. but its just getting to the point where its real overwhelming and a lot more constant. now they wont let it go. now they are getting serious.
i dont know what to do anymore.