Somewhat informative?
For the past few weeks I've been really dicking about and not writing blogs.
I just don't ever feel the drive to anymore.
Stuff's happened and I didn't even document it. Oops. I guess I'll fill you in a bit at a time.
I'm fed up with this rxxch-infested apartment and am going to move sometime in early Fall. I also want to be closer to school to cut down my commuting time. However, living in or near Shinjuku is incredibly expensive. So I decided I'd room with Ces, that way we split costs. She's up for it too, so it should be great. I'm looking forward to it. A little tired of always talking to myself anyways. I'm not great company to myself when I'm depressed. Which I've been unbelievably often. (-o-)
But, I'm trying to get better. I'm trying not to let school get me down as much.
I was seriously going to quit--I even told my teachers I was thinking about it, and go to school back in NY. I told my dad, and he had no objections. He said he'd rather me stay here and finish, but if I'd be happier back at home, he'd support me on that, too. And maybe it was because he's always supportive of me, that I decided I'd stay.
Yeah, it's still hard, sometimes not understanding keywords in a lecture, or not grasping the directions for an assignment. I'm still behind, getting a whole slew of new assignments while I'm still trying to do the old ones. But my teachers are patient and want to help. For now I guess I have no other choice but to work at my pace, slow as it is, and hopefully get faster as I get more experienced. I think I'm going to fail this semester, but I figure I have to continue to do what I have to do to move on to the next one (or so I can do better in-case I have to repeat, as pathetic as that is.)
I think I've said before, that I've pretty much given up on having friends in school, but I'll talk a little more about it. Even though I'm sure, that everyone in school knows of me. When they see me outside of school, around the station, etc, and they nudge their friends and point in my direction, it's a "it's her!" look. So why don't they come talk to me if they're "intrigued", you ask? Because they're Japanese. There is no simpler, more accurate reason. A day last week during lunch break I stepped out to go to the PO near school. I heard two girls behind me, talking about me. GirlA: "Oh, this is my first time actually seeing her" GirlB: "Oh yeah?" GirlA: "Wow, she really is stylish" GirlB: "For real"
Back when I lived in Kansai(Oosaka, Wakayama, Koube, Kyouto, Mie, etc), I was a more sociable person, and I'd strike up random conversations with people who interested me, they'd always utter the same stupid(but maybe true) line: "Oh, I really wanted to talk to you but I was too shy to!" Why, how, what in the world could have happened to make this entire country of people, shy? That, I have no answer for. But living in Kantou(Toukyou, Saitama, Kanagawa, Chiba, etc) has turned me more cynic than ever. I don't make the effort anymore. I regard them in slight disgust, at their narrow-minds and chicken-hearts. After all, it is their loss. I may not be much to look at, but I know I'm fun to talk to.
I do have at least One girl at school I can call my friend. The Australian girl, we've lost contact cause she's always so busy, but there's this Canadian-raised Japanese girl, Mabel, who's closer to my age so we talk whenever we can Even though she's often busy too, we talk on the phone and stuff sometimes.
But why couldn't I be friends with anyone in my class? Can I not get along with Japanese-raised Japanese people? That can't be true; I had a decent amount of friends back in Wakayama.
Actually, Sawa and Naomistayed here for a couple days two weeks ago. It was my first time feeling kinda happy in a long time. Them being here made me feel like I was back in Wakayama. I know I always used to complain about how I wanted to leave when I was there, but I was so much happier than I am now.
Perhaps I'll add in a little something of comic relief. Afterall, I don't like my readers suffering, right? haha. D;
So, here's the thing: it would seem I'm some kinda feminist. hahahaha.
A couple months ago I was talking to someone about the kind of guys and girls I like(short guys/tall girls), and she asked "So why do you like tall girls, but hate tall guys so much?" And without thinking, I blurted out "I can't stand looking up to a guy. Makes me uncomfortable." After a brief silence, she said "Dude, you're a feminist. Go burn your bras now." There is more evidence, but I won't go into it. Unfortunately, I do care somewhat about what males think of me(as I've complained often in previous blogs) so I'm not totally feminist. But I care only upto a point, I won't go too out of my way to please a guy. Like another instance, when someone told me that all the girls here wear a lot of makeup, so maybe I could try wearing makeup and see if there's any luck. I practically laughed in her face and said "Do all that, for a guy? Yeah. Right." I also don't like a guy to coddle me, or be too protective of me.
But I've got a thing for the manager at the Superlovers store in Harajuku, who is the hottest chick I've seen since I've been in this country. She's super tall, maybe like 5'10", whose hair and makeup kinda looks like Riu from Metronome. Her smile could melt a dictator's heart, and she goes by the name Gii. And one pensive day, I realised I totally would wear make-up and stuff for her :O
So I'll probably be thought of as a feminist, manhater, and lesbian.
But. I'm not. I still like guys, I just...hmm..how can I say these things without being offensive to any guys who may read this. To put it lightly, don't trust them? I'll leave it at that. :x
Well, most of the people who read this are girls I think though.
Anyway, I actually like a guy in my class. Not guchi, I stopped liking him a long time ago cause it turns out I don't like his personality. He's hot, and he knows he's hot. And that's never a good thing. But I'll talk about the other guy, who I call "Skelly", in another blog sometime. This one's already too long. So stay tuned.
It's pouring out. I love heavy rain. Makes me want to sleep. But I'm too full cause I made a chicken cutlet and egg sammich...
I love the song on my page.
I love getting new clothes...and money.
I just don't ever feel the drive to anymore.
Stuff's happened and I didn't even document it. Oops. I guess I'll fill you in a bit at a time.
I'm fed up with this rxxch-infested apartment and am going to move sometime in early Fall. I also want to be closer to school to cut down my commuting time. However, living in or near Shinjuku is incredibly expensive. So I decided I'd room with Ces, that way we split costs. She's up for it too, so it should be great. I'm looking forward to it. A little tired of always talking to myself anyways. I'm not great company to myself when I'm depressed. Which I've been unbelievably often. (-o-)
But, I'm trying to get better. I'm trying not to let school get me down as much.
I was seriously going to quit--I even told my teachers I was thinking about it, and go to school back in NY. I told my dad, and he had no objections. He said he'd rather me stay here and finish, but if I'd be happier back at home, he'd support me on that, too. And maybe it was because he's always supportive of me, that I decided I'd stay.
Yeah, it's still hard, sometimes not understanding keywords in a lecture, or not grasping the directions for an assignment. I'm still behind, getting a whole slew of new assignments while I'm still trying to do the old ones. But my teachers are patient and want to help. For now I guess I have no other choice but to work at my pace, slow as it is, and hopefully get faster as I get more experienced. I think I'm going to fail this semester, but I figure I have to continue to do what I have to do to move on to the next one (or so I can do better in-case I have to repeat, as pathetic as that is.)
I think I've said before, that I've pretty much given up on having friends in school, but I'll talk a little more about it. Even though I'm sure, that everyone in school knows of me. When they see me outside of school, around the station, etc, and they nudge their friends and point in my direction, it's a "it's her!" look. So why don't they come talk to me if they're "intrigued", you ask? Because they're Japanese. There is no simpler, more accurate reason. A day last week during lunch break I stepped out to go to the PO near school. I heard two girls behind me, talking about me. GirlA: "Oh, this is my first time actually seeing her" GirlB: "Oh yeah?" GirlA: "Wow, she really is stylish" GirlB: "For real"
Back when I lived in Kansai(Oosaka, Wakayama, Koube, Kyouto, Mie, etc), I was a more sociable person, and I'd strike up random conversations with people who interested me, they'd always utter the same stupid(but maybe true) line: "Oh, I really wanted to talk to you but I was too shy to!" Why, how, what in the world could have happened to make this entire country of people, shy? That, I have no answer for. But living in Kantou(Toukyou, Saitama, Kanagawa, Chiba, etc) has turned me more cynic than ever. I don't make the effort anymore. I regard them in slight disgust, at their narrow-minds and chicken-hearts. After all, it is their loss. I may not be much to look at, but I know I'm fun to talk to.
I do have at least One girl at school I can call my friend. The Australian girl, we've lost contact cause she's always so busy, but there's this Canadian-raised Japanese girl, Mabel, who's closer to my age so we talk whenever we can Even though she's often busy too, we talk on the phone and stuff sometimes.
But why couldn't I be friends with anyone in my class? Can I not get along with Japanese-raised Japanese people? That can't be true; I had a decent amount of friends back in Wakayama.
Actually, Sawa and Naomistayed here for a couple days two weeks ago. It was my first time feeling kinda happy in a long time. Them being here made me feel like I was back in Wakayama. I know I always used to complain about how I wanted to leave when I was there, but I was so much happier than I am now.
Perhaps I'll add in a little something of comic relief. Afterall, I don't like my readers suffering, right? haha. D;
So, here's the thing: it would seem I'm some kinda feminist. hahahaha.
A couple months ago I was talking to someone about the kind of guys and girls I like(short guys/tall girls), and she asked "So why do you like tall girls, but hate tall guys so much?" And without thinking, I blurted out "I can't stand looking up to a guy. Makes me uncomfortable." After a brief silence, she said "Dude, you're a feminist. Go burn your bras now." There is more evidence, but I won't go into it. Unfortunately, I do care somewhat about what males think of me(as I've complained often in previous blogs) so I'm not totally feminist. But I care only upto a point, I won't go too out of my way to please a guy. Like another instance, when someone told me that all the girls here wear a lot of makeup, so maybe I could try wearing makeup and see if there's any luck. I practically laughed in her face and said "Do all that, for a guy? Yeah. Right." I also don't like a guy to coddle me, or be too protective of me.
But I've got a thing for the manager at the Superlovers store in Harajuku, who is the hottest chick I've seen since I've been in this country. She's super tall, maybe like 5'10", whose hair and makeup kinda looks like Riu from Metronome. Her smile could melt a dictator's heart, and she goes by the name Gii. And one pensive day, I realised I totally would wear make-up and stuff for her :O
So I'll probably be thought of as a feminist, manhater, and lesbian.
But. I'm not. I still like guys, I just...hmm..how can I say these things without being offensive to any guys who may read this. To put it lightly, don't trust them? I'll leave it at that. :x
Well, most of the people who read this are girls I think though.
Anyway, I actually like a guy in my class. Not guchi, I stopped liking him a long time ago cause it turns out I don't like his personality. He's hot, and he knows he's hot. And that's never a good thing. But I'll talk about the other guy, who I call "Skelly", in another blog sometime. This one's already too long. So stay tuned.
It's pouring out. I love heavy rain. Makes me want to sleep. But I'm too full cause I made a chicken cutlet and egg sammich...
I love the song on my page.
I love getting new clothes...and money.