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Six Part 1}
Reid announced that he would need to eat before any kind of prep, plan, or “You playing junior lawyer” would take place. Both men were grateful to escape the hotel room. Although, Luke didn’t want to go too far, and the doctor had agreed to eat in the hotel lounge. Their meal was actually quiet. Luke did start preparing Reid, asking questions about Annie’s case. It was unsavory dinner conversation, but since they had begun their meal in oppressive silence, it was a welcome change.
Riding in the elevator up to their room again, Reid watched Luke out of the corner of his eye. As the meal progressed, leading up to the check, he could see the panic start to work its way through Luke’s body. It started when the blonde nervously looked around the room. Reid was tempted to assure him that no one would think they were on a date. It was Texas, after all. But he didn’t want to hear yet another instantaneous rejection. Then the tapping started, Luke fingers drumming against the table. He rubbed his forehead so many times figuring out the tip, Reid was beginning to wonder if the younger man was trying to find the square root of 79. Finally, they were in the elevator.
Reid hated enclosed spaces, but somehow being in an elevator with Luke, remembering the first time he laid eyes on him and that mouth, was oddly comforting. If the younger man didn’t bounce on the balls of his feet every ten seconds, it could have been romantic. Reid was half-tempted to grab Luke’s hand and still him, but knowing the result, the doctor decided against it.
When they walked back into the hotel room, they both wearily eyed the bed, and Luke went over to the desk. “You’ve told me all the facts about Annie’s case…” he began.
“You did ask,” Reid replied, not exactly certain where he was supposed to look.
“What was Annie like?” Luke questioned. His voice was soft and Reid almost didn’t hear it.
“She was a sick kid. What do think she was like?” He had been hoping to avoid this, almost as much as he was hoping not to push Luke, not ready to face another moment of rejection.
“I remember Dennis Judd,” the blonde replied and rubbed his chin. “Mostly his right hook, though. When you lose someone, you love… Parents aren’t supposed to outlive their child. They’ll see that. And then you’ll come in and be…” Luke’s eyes finally met Reid’s.
The doctor crossed his arms over his chest and met the blonde’s gaze head on. “And what will they see?”
“A brilliant doctor who couldn’t save a young girl.”
“I gave her a year!” Reid countered, quickly closing the distance between them. “No one else could have given Annie that.”
“And was she grateful?” Luke asked. His voice was deceptively calm and he kept his body posture open.
“Yes,” the doctor noted. “I think so. She…” He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about Annie. He’d have a drink sometimes, not too much, just so that when he closed his eyes at night, he didn’t see her. “It was the smile.” Reid moved away, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “She had this amazing smile. I never saw her without it. Even when…” He closed his eyes and there she was again. He hated Luke in that moment. He hated the younger man for bringing that smile back and not allowing Reid the opportunity of a drink, because he wouldn’t do that to Luke.
The blonde joined Reid on the bed. Not caring about or simply misjudging the distance, Luke’s sat down and his shoulder grazed the doctor’s. “An amazing smile?” he checked. “My brother, Ethan, he’s around Annie’s age. Sometimes he’ll look at me like I hung the moon.”
Reid nodded his head. “The pain…” He wouldn’t give in. He wouldn’t cut himself open and bleed for Luke. “She had to be in so much pain. And yet she always smiled. I miss it,” he admitted. “The Judds lost their daughter, but the world lost Annie and I…”
“What?” Luke asked. He turned, his chin brushing against Reid’s shoulder. “You what, Dr. Oliver?”
He closed his eyes, focusing all of his attention on that one spot: Luke’s skin against his. “I miss her. I should have saved her,” his voice was soft, defeated.
“I know you’re brilliant, but-”
“No,” Reid insisted. He wouldn’t be talked out of this. He stood up. “I should have saved her.”
Before Luke could respond, Reid went into the bathroom. A few moments later, Luke heard water running. The younger man glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven. The hearing was at eight, and he thought they’d done enough for one night.
When Reid came out of the bathroom, he hesitated for a moment. He knew in his head that he would be sharing a bed with Luke, but his body was practically humming, demanding attention, and anticipation of being close to Mr. Snyder.
Luke looked at him, a hopeful light in his eyes. He smiled that a half-smile, full of expectation, but waiting to be shot down. “I’ll just get ready for bed. I set the alarm. I could order room service for the morning if you don’t feel like-”
“That’s fine,” Reid cut him off. He knew Luke wanted to be assured he hadn’t gone too far, but Reid wasn’t in the mood to fix Luke.
“Right. Well….” Luke brushed past Reid and went to the bathroom.
Glancing around the room for a moment, Reid took a deep breath. Everything about Luke was a question, and while Reid thought he knew all the answers, a new question would pop up and all of Reid’s careful hypotheses would shatter. He went over to his bag and pulled out a pair of sleep pants and a T-shirt. Reid started to change. He was lost in his thoughts for a moment, holding on to the T-shirt when he heard the bathroom door open.
Luke hesitated, seeing a lost and shirtless Dr. Oliver. His hand gripped the doorframe, holding himself up. Of their own accord, his eyes traveled over every inch of Reid’s body, memorizing the defined muscles in Reid’s stomach and further down to the trail of hair that led to his… Luke tried to swallow, but all the air rushed out of his body, and his hand slid down the frame before he could catch himself. Reid turned around to put his T-shirt on, and Luke watched the doctor’s broad shoulders expand and then come in close as the shirt was pulled down.
“Ready for bed?” Reid asked. He tried to keep his voice light, but everything about their relationship was fraught, a minefield, and the doctor was tired of tiptoeing around.
“Uh, yeah. Do you have a preference?” Luke checked, turning off the bathroom light and walking further into the room. His legs felt shaky, and he thought once he got in the bed it would be easier. He was wrong, but he didn’t know that yet.
“For what?” Reid asked. He, of course had an active imagination, and he could still feel Luke’s eyes on him. He didn’t have to ask what the young man was thinking. Reid knew.
“For the bed,” Luke said. “F-for… What side do you sleep on?”
“Left.”
“Good.” Luke nodded his head. “I like the right. So it’s good that we’re… compatible.”
Reid’s eyes narrowed slightly. The questions were overwhelming him again. “Right.” The doctor went and turned off the overhead light.
The men slipped into the bed, practically hugging the edge of their respective sides. Luke could hear the doctor’s heartbeat, or maybe it was his own. He knew that the most important thing he could do for Dr. Oliver now was sleep.
“Um…”
Reid groaned and rolled over on to his side. He could make out the outline of Luke, and even in the dark, he could feel the unwavering need to help. “What, Mr. Snyder?”
The blonde let out a frustrated sigh.
“Just because we’re sharing a bed doesn’t mean I’m going to give up formalities,” Reid noted, reading Luke’s thoughts. It was the last shred the doctor had. Luke was seeping into every part of his life and he needed to maintain whatever distance he could.
“Fine, Dr. Oliver, I know you said…” Luke’s voice had started out hard, ready for battle, but then he started to shift a little, his body moved inching toward the middle of the bed. “You couldn’t have saved her. No one could. But you gave the Judds and Annie more than any doctor could have. The board will see that.”
Reid honestly wanted to believe Luke, and his mouth opened, ready to argue, but then it clicked shut for a moment, watching the rise and fall of the younger man’s chest. “Thank you.” He could see Luke’s smile in the dark, and Reid found himself smiling in return. He briefly wondered if this was what relationships were supposed to be like. Talking with someone, sharing a problem when you can’t sleep. Talking it through and figuring it out together. But Reid didn’t have relationships and he certainly didn’t have one with Mr. Snyder. Reid wanted two things from Luke, and at the moment all he was getting was the money; than the other would just have to go away. Why can’t I let it go? he wondered. Why can’t I shake this feeling?
Luke shifted again, and Reid’s eyes were locked on the younger man, not able to look at nor acknowledge anything about him.
Maybe it was just the desire for what I can’t have, Reid mused.
Luke turned onto his side, so he was facing Reid. Although, neither man could really make out the other’s face. In his shift, the back of Luke’s hand smacked into Reid’s. Instead of quickly moving away, as Reid had suspected, Luke’s hand turned over, his palm gripping the doctor’s forearm. “You’ll be great tomorrow,” he said; his hand started to move, skimming against Reid’s skin.
Again with the touching. He doesn’t touch Katie this much. Not that Reid had noticed or kept track or anything. “And if I’m not,” Reid asked, his own body moving closer to the middle again. He briefly wondered if the touching would stop when Luke realized the distance was getting smaller.
Luke’s hand did move; his arm had maintained its extended distance and, in Reid’s shift, Luke’s fingers brushed Reid’s chest. The men froze for a moment but then Luke’s hand began its trek again. Slower this time, testing Reid and himself. He turned his hand again, the back of his palm running up and down Reid’s chest, taking shallow turns, and then going further down.
“You’re always great,” Luke assured him, continuing his exploration. His fingers memorizing what his eyes knew to be there. “I’m not going to let you lose.”
“You planning to bribe some people?” Reid murmured, his voice breathless, his stomach quivering from Luke’s touch.
“Would it bother you if I did?”
“No.”
Luke jerked back, his body racing toward the opposite side of the bed. He continued to face the doctor, but Reid might as well have built a wall in the middle of the bed.
“That’s something Damian would do.”
Recognizing the name immediately, Reid asked, “Isn’t Bad Dad in jail?”
“Yes,” Luke voice sounded distant, the wall getting thicker and higher.
“Well, just don’t get caught,” the doctor offered dryly.
Despite himself, Luke chuckled. “Only you…”
“What?” Reid wouldn’t admit that he hoped to keep the questions going, trying to tear down the barrier between them.
“Everyone tries to assure me that I’m nothing like Damian and you…” Luke started to pick at his finger. “Why?”
“I’m not exactly normal, Mr. Snyder,” the redhead noted, surprised that he’d have to bring that up to Luke.
“Oh, I’ve noticed, believe me. That’s what makes you the best.”
“And tomorrow you want me to-” He could feel the wall crumbling but the physical distance was too far. When they’d walked into the room earlier, the bed didn’t feel this wide.
“I know you’re a brilliant doctor. Noah is proof of that.”
“They’ll argue that Annie’s death disproves that,” Reid countered. He didn’t want false platitudes. This was his job, his life. Without his career he was nothing. Without his career there would be no reason for him and Luke to continue to see each other. Reid would lose absolutely everything.
“Annie’s death wasn’t your fault,” Luke replied. His voice was soft, a gentle attempt at comfort.
“I know,” the doctor responded quickly. He was half-afraid Luke wouldn’t believe it.
“I’m not sure you do, actually.” Luke turned this time, his gaze meeting Reid’s in the dark. “I see it in your eyes when you talk about her. There’s doubt there. Don’t let them see it. You gave her an extra year. Remember that and her smile.”
“I’ll never forget it.” He still couldn’t believe he’d shared that with Luke. When he talked about his patients it was in medical journals or boasting about yet another brilliant feat of his. With Luke, though, he wanted to share everything else.
Luke smiled and again his hand reached out, blindly trying to touch Reid, this time he grazed the doctor’s cheek for a moment. “Don’t forget.”
“I don’t think I can,” Reid murmured.
The blonde’s fingers moved with the doctor’s words. He knew he should stop, let go, but for just a few moments, he’d continue on. He needed to reassure Reid; falling asleep with his hand on the older man wasn’t part of the plan, but it happened nonetheless.
*
Luke slowly opened his eyes. He hadn't slept well, images of Reid invading his dreams. He had woken up in the middle of the night and found himself facing the doctor, his hand on his cheek. Reid actually appeared peaceful. It was such a dichotomous view from what he had previously seen that Luke couldn’t help but stare at the redhead. His hand had stayed there for a few moments, holding Reid, but when Luke felt uncomfortable he quickly rolled away. He hoped that the doctor wouldn’t wake up. He’d managed to fall asleep again, but when he woke up he had to remind himself where he was. He glanced at the clock realizing the alarm would go off in a few minutes.
Despite the dreams, Luke felt more comfortable then he had in a long time. He was a little warm and he felt a breath against the back of his neck, and a strong arm locked around his waist. Luke realized the doctor was spooning him. The younger man didn’t know what to do and he refused to acknowledge that Reid was the reason for making him feel the way he did.
Luke was still debating his next move when the alarm buzzed loudly throughout the room. The doctor pushed into him as sleep started to leave his body. Reid’s nose and mouth muzzled the back of Luke’s neck, his torso, hips, and legs, cocooning around Luke. And while he couldn’t physically move, every inch of him was aware of Reid. Luke knew the moment Reid woke up, because he jerked away from Luke and practically pushed him out of the bed. Luke turned to see Reid quickly walking toward the bathroom.
“Call for breakfast!” he tossed over his shoulder.
Luke collapsed back on the bed. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he attributed it to the way Reid had reacted to him. It’s nothing, he reminded himself, the familiar mantra false even to himself.
When the food arrived, the doctor finally came out of the bathroom. He was wearing a robe that the hotel provided. It was a little loose on Reid, and Luke’s eyes were drawn to his chest again, and despite the fact that he was covered up the blonde knew exactly what was hidden from view. He swallowed thickly, remembering Reid’s comment about how sex wasn’t supposed to be nice. Waking up in the doctor’s arms, nice wasn’t a term he would have used to describe it.
He was caught staring at Reid, watching a lone drop of water trek down the doctor’s chest, disappearing into the white terrycloth.
“Mr. Snyder?” the doctor practically had to snap his fingers to draw Luke’s attention. He knew exactly what was going on with the younger man, but Reid didn’t have time to worry about Luke’s struggles. In less than two hours he was going to have to defend his choices, save his career. He didn’t have time to hold the hand of some kid.
Luke shook his head. “S-s-sorry. The food should be here soon. I’ll just…yeah.” He practically ran into the bathroom. Once the door closed behind him, he leaned heavily against it. The air in the bathroom still hung with Reid’s cologne. The blonde recognized it immediately, and it made Luke even more uncomfortable. Now was not the time for him to question…everything.
After a quick shower, Luke hesitated for a moment. There were piles of fluffy towels, but nothing else. Glancing at the clock, he knew he wouldn’t have time to worry about it. With a deep breath, he opened the door of the bathroom. He saw Reid finish with the room service waiter and the smell of coffee was welcome.
The doctor turned around at the sound of opening door. “About time, Mr. Snyder, I knew you would…” his voice trailed off when he saw Luke.
“You took the only robe,” the blonde noted. He tried to be nonchalant, and thought he’d feel a chill. But the way Reid was looking at him, Luke wanted to wrap his arms across his chest, run and hide, but he couldn’t.
Coming to himself, Reid tried to take a breath, fill his lungs with air, but it was too difficult, and he turned back to the cart. He leaned over slightly, his hands gripping the sides. “We don’t have much time, Mr. Snyder.”
“I just need coffee,” Luke told him. But he didn’t make any indication of moving, either.
“Well, I need to eat, so…get dressed,” Reid instructed. He kept his gaze focused on the food in front of him, but his mind was on Luke. He couldn’t let the blonde get to him. It was inevitable, of course, but right now, Reid had other things he needed to devote his attention to, like his career. Of course Reid would have to meet the one man who made him not think about patients and brains and cutting things 24/7 when his career was on the line and the man was barely more than a kid and closet case.
Quickly taking a seat, he started to eat. Food didn’t provide the normal distraction he was seeking, but he did give him something to do with his hands. His eyes kept wandering back to the bathroom, hearing the signs of Mr. Snyder getting ready for the day, and then Reid’s gaze would wander over to the bed, remembering the previous night. It was the first time Reid had shared a bed with a man that didn’t involve sex and in which both of them were still there in the morning. He refused to listen to the nagging voice in his head telling him how nice it had been to talk with Luke last night and wake up holding him.
“Get it together, Oliver,” he muttered to himself.
“You’ll be great, you know?” Luke’s voice carried softly through the small hotel room.
Reid jumped and saw the younger man leaning against the bathroom door. Wet and in a towel was certainly an attractive sight, but Luke in a suit and tie was a close second. Reid swallowed his disappointment that the shirt was completely buttoned and he wouldn’t get to see the tantalizing view of chest hair. After that morning, Reid already knew exactly what was underneath Luke’s clothes.
“I don’t need a pep talk, Mr. Snyder,” Reid ground out.
“I know,” Luke slowly straightened. “I was just stating a fact.” He smiled shyly, tucking his hands into the pocket of his pants has he quickly closed the distance between them. “But…”
Reid tilted his head to right and didn’t bother to hide his grimace. “Now what?”
The younger man quickly closed the distance between them. “You have syrup on your tie,” he noted.
“Great,” the doctor rolled his eyes.
Luke chuckled and moved to his bag. He quickly pulled out an extra tie. He wasn’t sure how long they were going to be Dallas, and he wanted to be prepared. “Take it off,” he called over his shoulder before turning back to Reid.
Dr. Oliver did as he was told, but then he held himself perfectly still as Luke came back to him. The blonde bounced on the balls of his feet for a moment, tossing the tie over Reid’s shoulders. “Just remember…” Luke murmured he tried to keep his mind focused on the task at hand, not the familiar cologne, or the nervous bob of Reid’s Adam’s apple.
“What?” the doctor whispered, his breath blowing across Luke’s face.
The blonde stilled for a moment, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and forced himself to meet Reid’s gaze. “Think of Annie’s smile.”
Reid’s lips briefly curled up, nothing overtly cheery or scary, and Luke knew that smile. His hands briefly stilled and then his left palm came up and rested against Reid’s chest, flattening the tie. He pressed and then his hand slowly slid down the doctor’s torso. He could feel the doctor’s heartbeat and as much as Luke wanted, he couldn’t look away and he couldn’t let go. Reid would have to make the first move.
“Are you done?” the doctor checked.
Luke waited for the annoyance, but there was none. “I…” I can’t. “You’ll be great.”
“You said that already.” Reid was just waiting for Luke to stop touching him, and he knew what would get a reaction out of Luke, but Reid was afraid of… He shook his head. You don’t do fear, especially not with this brat.
“Then let’s go,” Luke replied.
“Stop touching me first.”
The younger man jumped and his hand slipped away. Reid pretended not to care. Luke reached for a travel cup and poured himself some coffee. He ignored the parts he spilled and headed for the door.
*
“They said they’d get back to us soon,” Luke reminded Reid as he led the doctor into their hotel room. “You were great, which we knew. I’m sure this will go in our favor.”
Luke hadn’t stopped talking like a motivational speaker since they left the hearing room. Reid desperately wanted the younger man to shut up, but the insistent chatter was oddly comforting at the same time. The Judds had been compelling, and Reid felt their pain. He tried to be “human” when he testified, his eyes constantly meeting Luke’s, and each time the younger man offered an encouraging smile and Reid felt compelled to continue on. At one point a letter was read from Noah Mayer. Reid was surprised. He knew that his patient was grateful, but he didn’t seem like the poetic type. As high of an opinion as Reid had as of himself, even he found himself wanting to know this brilliant Dr. Oliver.
“The letter from Noah was a nice touch,” Reid finally spoke. “I didn’t realize Mr. Mayer had it in him.”
Luke nervously flicked the key card against his fingers. “Well, you know, he… He wanted to help. You are a miracle worker, after all.” Luke’s gaze couldn’t meet Reid’s and he tugged at his tie.
“And when did he have time to compose such a poetic piece?” the doctor continued to question, watching Luke’s movements with growing interest. “I didn’t realize he knew some of those words…”
The younger man spun around. “Some people find it easier to put their thoughts on paper then others. What does it matter when it was written? It’s true, isn’t it?”
Reid crossed his arms over his chest. “Who wrote that letter, Mr. Snyder?”
Finding the floor suddenly quite fascinating Luke said, “Noah.”
“That’s interesting, because when he was patient he barely said ten words to me. Not that I’m complaining,” Reid was quick to add. “And the little fireworks accident was part of a scene from a script that his friend, Luke, wrote.”
“Fine!” the blonde snapped. “But it was all true. Noah just…everything that was in the letter were things that Noah had said to me. When we found you…” Luke sighed and shook his head. “It was a miracle. You gave him his dreams back. And while I feel awful for the Judds, I don’t think they have the right to take away your dreams, either!” He closed his eyes, waiting for the rebuttal.
“I’m impressed, Mr. Snyder.”
Luke’s eyes snapped open and his mouth gaped slightly.
“Remember what I said. I don’t care what you do, as long as I don’t pay the price.”
“Or get caught,” Luke finished, and crossed his arms over his chest. “But even without that letter… I know we’re going to hear good news.” It was the fiftieth time Luke had said that.
“Are you always so annoyingly optimistic?”
“It’s part of my charm,” the blonde smirked. Trying to get a smile out of Reid, not one of those grimaces, but a real smile, the one where Reid looked as though he could take on the world. It was in that moment that Luke realized how much he actually missed it.
“No, it’s not.”
Luke’s face quickly fell and he tried to ignore his hurt feelings.
“You make things happen. Your unyielding optimism is backed by a strong will.”
“I… Thank you. No one’s… Generally when people look at me they see a trust fund brat, an alcoholic, a Snyder, a Grimaldi.”
“You’re all of those things,” Reid noted.
“But they just see one piece. You’re the first person who sees everything.”
Reid’s mouth opened. He wondered if Luke was finally ready to admit what was really going on between them. The hearing was over; maybe he could give in and…
The buzz of a cell phone sounded like a gun shot. Both men jumped and Reid blindly reached for his phone. “It’s them…” his voice sounded off even to him.
“It’ll be good news,” Luke assured him.
Reid rolled his eyes and looked over at the younger man. “Mr. Snyder…” his voice held the warning.
But Luke refused to yield to it. He smiled cheekily and nodded to the phone. “I promise.”
The doctor let out a breath. “Yeah.” He quickly answered the phone, listening to the pompous jackass he’d met earlier declare his fate. The words were a welcome relief, but he couldn’t help but think of Luke and that maybe Reid would finally, finally get what he wanted.
“Well?” Luke asked. He bounced on the balls of his feet and his eyebrows almost met his hairline.
Reid was done talking about anything but what was really going on between them. He knew at some point they would have to actually say the words instead of keeping that cloud around them, carrying the truth and pretending not to see it, especially when they were constantly in reach of it, the words right in front of them ready for acknowledgement.
But Reid was done talking. He grabbed Luke’s face in his hands and pulled him close. For one, two, three seconds, Reid hesitated, his breath bouncing off of the younger man’s mouth. Maybe Reid wanted to savor the moment, or he was waiting for the inevitable push away. Luke didn’t move, his eyes drifted shut and then Reid’s mouth pressed into his. The younger man’s flashed open but he couldn’t move. The doctor’s nose brushed against Luke’s, their mouths opened for a breath and then closed again. Reid leaned to the right and Luke went left, a gasp of air escaped and Reid came back, his tongue darted out, touching the seam of Luke’s lips. He felt the younger man’s hands come up to his shoulders and Reid knew the push away was coming. So caught up in his own thoughts, the doctor didn’t feel Luke’s grip tighten or the gentle pull forward.
And just as quickly as the kiss started, it stopped. As though coming back to earth, Reid pushed Luke away.
Both men were breathing hard and Reid couldn’t meet Luke’s gaze, instead focusing on the slightly skewed tie and moved up and down with Luke’s pants. “I was reinstated,” he murmured. “We can return to Oakdale now.” He moved, brushing his shoulder against Luke’s chest as he headed to get his bag.
“Dr. Oliver?” Luke asked. His voice soft, but the question was clear.
“It won’t happen again,” Reid assured the younger man. His gaze moving slightly, staring at Luke’s right shoulder. The wall that was between them, the one erected in that bed was back, higher and stronger then ever.
It was everything, Luke realized.
------------------------------------------
Well, Luke finally got his clue. What is he going to do now? Feeling a little under the weather, so I apologize if I’m delayed in getting back to you. I appreciate all the comments and support. Thank you. ~Ali
Onto
Chapter Seven...