Fic: Off the Stage (13b/14)
Title: Off the Stage (13/14)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: NC-17
Slowly, Eric opened his eyes. He was happy and a little nervous. Van was awake, the redhead realized, because the younger man was gently massaging his scalp and Eric smiled. He turned his head, nuzzling against the Van’s chest.
“Morning,” the blonde whispered, as he absently continued to massage Eric’s scalp.
“Morning,” Eric returned the greeting.
Van didn’t want to move. He could spend the rest of his life with his arms wrapped around Eric. He’d been lying there for awhile, trying to remember everything from last night and figure out where all of this was going. Eric loved him. He still found it difficult to believe. Their relationship hadn’t always been easy and there was still so much to figure out. A part of him wanted to shut off the worry and doubt in his head, and just focus on this moment, this day, and this weekend. Despite the knowledge that Eric loved him, the knowledge that they lost track of each other once, and that the first time they had gotten closer, Eric had run, left this niggling doubt in Van’s mind. There had been times since then, two nights now in which he’d fallen asleep with Eric and when Van woke up, the older man was still there.
They were dating. They were in love.
Why couldn’t that be enough for him, Van wondered. It was, he supposed, the fear that he wasn’t sure if he could want anyone else after Eric, but he didn’t know if the redhead felt the same way.
Eric slowly disentangled himself from Van and with a wince, he propped up his arm, so he could rest his head against his palm.
“How are you?” Van questioned, eyeing the redhead.
“Happy.” He blushed and shook his head. “I know I need to come up with another word, but I feel amazing when I’m with you. Thank you…for everything. How ’bout you?”
Van reached up and kissed Eric. “I don’t think words have been invented for how I’m feeling.”
Eric chuckled and leaned into Van, giving the younger man another kiss. He pulled away, trying to hide his wince.
“You’re sore,” Van deduced. “I shouldn’t have-”
The older man shook his head. “Don’t. I have no regrets about last night. Well, maybe just one.”
“What?” Van asked, not able to keep the worry out of his voice.
“We didn’t do that sooner.”
A smile tugged at the younger man’s lips and he couldn’t quite meet Eric’s gaze. “All right. Give me five minutes.” He hopped out of the bed, grabbed his boxers, and headed into the bathroom.
Eric leaned back on the bed. A few moments later he heard water running in the bathroom. He wasn’t sure what Van had in mind, but Eric was willing to give his trust and his heart to the other man. He closed his eyes, images of the previous evening coming unbidden, and his body started to react.
A few minutes later, the redhead’s eyes flashed open. Van tugged off the sheet, and his eyes traveled down Eric’s body. The redhead felt himself blush all over, but then Van was leaning over him. His delicious mouth pressed a kiss to Eric’s aching cock.
“Van,” the redhead murmured.
Straightening, the blonde reached for Eric’s hands. “Come on. Bath time.”
Despite himself, the redhead chuckled. “Haven’t heard those words in years.” He allowed himself to be pulled out of the bed and taken into the bathroom. He tried not to feel self-conscious, walking around without his clothes, but he had given his trust to Van and he wasn’t about to take it back.
Van helped Eric settle into the tub. The hot water eased him physically and emotionally. Van was kneeling next to the tub and he just looked at the older man for a few moments. “Better?”
“Not yet,” Eric noted, already missing the warmth of Van’s body against his.
The younger man’s head tilted slightly to the right. “What’s wrong?”
“Join me,” Eric murmured, his gaze moving to Van’s mouth.
Van immediately shook his head. “No. This is about you, taking care of you.”
“What I want,” Eric said, taking his hands out of the water, and reaching for Van’s hands. “…is you. I’ll feel better if you join me.”
“Okay,” the blonde quickly acquiesced.
He tugged off his boxers and gingerly made his way into the tub. Some of the water sloshed over the side. Eric pulled his legs up until his thighs rested against his chest and the younger man slowly sank into the water. Eric tugged on Van’s legs, pulling him close. Then Eric wrapped Van’s legs around his body. They sat facing each other for a couple of moments.
“Better?” Van checked.
Eric pulled Van even closer, their cocks rubbing against each other. The blonde gasped and moved, trying to find some friction in the water. Eric pushed them even closer, moving with Van, reaching between their bodies, holding their cocks together, trying to get them both off. Finally, Van came with a shout and Eric quickly followed. The younger man rested his forehead against Eric’s shoulder.
“Now, I’m better,” the redhead told him.
Van chuckled softly, and he briefly wondered when he would give into this feeling: happiness. Being with Eric was more than wish fulfillment or turning his dreams into a reality. He was in love, and selfishly he wanted to feel this way forever. Van picked up a washcloth from the side of the tub. He dipped it into the water and started to rub it against Eric’s chest, cleaning up the older man and trying to still his thoughts.
Eric leaned into Van’s touch and his forehead rested against the blonde. He let Van do his work, while Eric’s hands rubbed up and down the younger man’s back.
After a few moments, they were still. Arms wrapped around each other, sitting in the warm water, letting it sooth them.
“What are you thinking about?” Eric questioned. His hand came up, trying to smooth Van’s furrowed brow.
Van held Eric’s gaze for a moment. “Why did you suggest this weekend? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here. I just…why now?”
“Do you remember that night we first had dinner? Our first ‘date.’” He couldn’t help but smile, recalling that was how Van characterized their getting re-acquainted dinner. “You asked me if I was in a relationship-”
“I was terrified you were going to say yes,” Van admitted. “I didn’t think we’d ever be here, and I’m so grateful that we are, but I didn’t want to hear about you and someone else.”
“I know,” Eric noted. “One of the things I’ll never forget was that you said when you’re first in a relationship, you’re having sex all the time.”
Van hesitated for a moment. “Did it make you uncomfortable?”
“Yes,” the redhead admitted honestly, and he tucked his finger under Van’s chin, forcing the younger man to look at him. “Because all I could think about was you…with me.”
“And you didn’t like that?” Van questioned, wanting to look anywhere but at Eric.
“I didn’t know what to do with that,” the redhead countered.
Van had been so caught up in his own feelings: wanting someone he couldn’t have, fear of ruining a working relationship, hope for something he never thought would be possible, and the dread of losing Eric again. He hadn’t thought about what Eric was feeling, but Van was ready to know now, he had to. “And now?”
Eric couldn’t believe Van would ask him that after last night. “And now, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”
“I know that here-this apartment-is a safe place…and I know it didn’t work with Christopher, because-”
“He wasn’t you,” Eric insisted with a quiet intensity.
Van briefly bit his lip. “Yes, I know that’s what you said, and I get how private you are, that you don’t want the world to know, but what about your kids? Are we going to have a relationship outside of this apartment?” He had to voice his fear, no matter what the consequence.
Eric looked at him for a moment. There were too many things for him to say and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He felt like he hadn't been able to do that yet. “I have to be sure…” he began, meaning the words he was striving to find.
Unfortunately, Van misinterpreted what Eric was saying to him. He felt like he’d been punched in the throat. “You doubt me?”
“No,” Eric insisted.
“Then you doubt us. You can love me here, but you can’t tell your kids about me.” He scrambled out of Eric’s arms, trying to disentangle his legs. He slipped a little, grabbing onto the towel bar for support. Van swiftly wrapped a towel around his waist and raced into his bedroom.
Eric ran after Van, grabbing a couple of towels as well. He wrapped one around his waist and followed the blonde. “I’m scared,” Eric said, the extra towel swinging against him as his hand nervously bounced.
Van couldn’t say anything. He was sitting on the edge of his bed and he was hunched over, trying to catch his breath.
“Before…when I knew you before, this wasn’t possible.” Eric slowly walked toward Van. “We didn’t even know each other a year, and I know it’s my fault. I lost track of you. And now this-us-we’ve been dating for six weeks. I know you doubt me…”
Van looked up and automatically opened his mouth to respond, but he couldn’t argue with Eric.
“Everything about us, is so different and no, it’s not because you’re a man. It’s because the future I see with you, it doesn’t scare me, but I don’t want to screw this up, either.”
The blonde shivered, and Eric moved to close the distance between them. He used the extra towel and started to rub down Van’s chest and arms. He thought the younger man was shivering from the cold, but it was the words that Eric had said.
Van’s hands came up and stilled the older man’s movements. “Eric…” He stood, keeping the redhead’s hand in place so he could still look into the Eric’s eyes.
Eric leaned in and kissed Van. “I couldn’t… My relationship with Christopher didn’t work because I didn’t want to share my life with him. I didn’t want to introduce him to my children. I want that with you and yes, that scares me, and that’s why I left after that first night. I couldn’t be what Christopher wanted, and I was terrified of not being what you wanted. You admitted to this crush, what if I couldn’t live up to your dreams?”
This time, Van kissed Eric. “You, the man you are, is so much more than my crush ever was. So what is all of this about?”
“The before,” the older man noted. He pressed a gentle kiss to Van’s neck, lapping up a couple of droplets he had missed.
“Before what?” Van whispered, his pulse started racing and he wanted to be able to concentrate on this conversation, but Eric was so distracting.
“Before,” the redhead continued, peppering each statement with a kiss to Van’s warm and tantalizing skin. “Before the rest of the world finds out, I want this. I want you and me.”
The blonde’s knees started to buckle and he held tightly onto Eric, as the older man continued to kiss and caress Van. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’m scared, but I want you.”
Eric pushed Van back onto the bed and then joined him, his body laid out on top of the younger man’s. He braced himself on his elbows, gazing down into Van’s hazel eyes. Van shifted, opening his legs, so that Eric could rest between them. The blonde used the heel of his foot to rub against the back of Eric’s leg, and the younger man’s hands stroked up and down the redhead’s back. Eric leaned down, pressing his lips to Van’s. They shared a couple of languid kisses.
“All of this is because I love you. I’m not going anywhere, Van. I promise. We have so much we still need to do,” Eric noted. “We’re just getting started.”
And Van spent the next two days showing Eric just what he had to look forward to.
*
“Oh my God!” Van felt his knees buckle underneath him.
It was Eric’s last day of filming, and while neither one of them could actually believe this was how the show decided to end Luke and Reid’s relationship, it all came crashing down around him. Eric had just walked into Van’s dressing room. He was shirtless, covered in bruises and blood.
The guys didn’t plan to rehearse these scenes. They wanted to keep it fresh, just let the emotion come and find a way to say good-bye to the characters. They promised not to lose touch, but Van knew after today everything was going to be different.
“The make-up people did an incredible job, huh?” the redhead checked. He wasn’t sure how he felt about these last scenes. He knew that Van would be amazing, and in a way, it was a relief. Reid’s story would be ending; there was no more worry that Luke would suddenly go back to Noah. And Reid would be a hero. He tried not to think about the disappointment to the fans, or even the disappointment he felt himself. He lived the life of an actor long enough to know that it was transient. This job lasted longer then most, but he’d become attached quicker then most as well, and one of those reasons was the young man standing in front of him.
“Van?” Eric wanted to reach out and touch him, but he was afraid if he did any damage to his make-up he’d get yelled at.
“Y-yeah,” the blonde panted. “Sorry. I knew in my head what was going to happen to Reid, but seeing you like this…” His voice trailed off and he was afraid, once again, that he would say the wrong thing, give too much insight into his feelings. The only nice thing about this being Eric’s last day was that Van wouldn’t be in a constant state of fear, admitting to an inappropriate crush on his married co-star.
“There…” Eric swallowed. He knew there was too much to say, and he hoped one day he and Van could sit down and talk about the show, about the impact it had on their lives and the great relationship they were able to create for Reid and Luke.
“Van Hansis, Eric Sheffer Stevens onto the set.”
Van smiled shyly. “Lead the way.”
The redhead nodded and headed out the door. It would have to wait for another time.
The day passed in a blur. Van felt as though he had been gutted, looking into Eric’s eyes, holding his head, kissing his shoulder, crying and begging, pleading for more time. He felt everything Luke was feeling. He wasn’t in love with Eric. They couldn’t possibly have a relationship; they hadn’t even worked together a year. Van felt like they were just getting started, Reid and Luke had so much more they could be and Van silently prayed for another opportunity to work with Eric again.
Finally, finally, the day was over, and Van drudged his way back to the dressing room. He didn’t see where Eric disappeared after they took Reid’s body away. He knew this wasn’t good-bye, but everything felt too much like it was.
“Eric,” the blonde gasped.
“Hey, Van. Just wanted…” His eyes shifted slightly, trying to find the right words. “You know, proper good-bye, and all.”
Van nodded his head and tried to wipe away any stray tears. “Kind of hate that word right now. We’ve been saying that too much lately. I don’t know what’s going to happen to Luke without Reid, and I’m going to keep you with me while I figure that out.”
Eric smiled. Since they began working together, he’d found that the younger man talked a lot, sometimes he’d stop himself, his sentences getting cut off and Eric was left wondering what Van was thinking. He felt honored to be given this glimpse today.
Knowing there was too much to say and afraid of all of that, Van attempted humor. “I think I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.”
Eric chuckled. His hand bounced up, his fingers twitched, and he briefly tapped the side of his head. “The brain reference. Cute. But you know, Reid always had a brain, it was a heart that he needed. Luke gave it to him… But then he gave it to Chris.”
Van winced. “Ouch.” He honestly didn’t know if he could hurt any more today.
“Sorry.” Eric really hated good-byes, and a part of him was hoping to sneak out, to pretend that this wasn’t the end for them. But he didn’t want to do that to Van. He closed some of the distance between them. “I think I always knew you were a great actor, and I don’t know that I was able to comprehend the full extent of that, even today, but I hope to.”
Van didn’t think he had any more tears in him, but he was wrong. “I will miss Reid because you embodied him so fully from the first moment we read together. You brought a new life to me and to Luke, and for that I will always be grateful. I know this isn’t good-bye, but saying good-bye to Reid and Luke I’m…so appreciative for you and what you brought to my life. Thank you.” He shook his head.
The younger man turned, certain that Eric would want to head home, and Van had more scenes to memorize. He stilled when he felt a warm and roughened palm pressed against his. The younger man’s eyes slid shut, focusing on the familiar touch. Eric tugged slightly and Van was being pulled into the redhead’s arms.
“It’s not really good-bye,” Eric promised. He had grown so attached to this place and these people, especially Van. He didn’t want to leave him yet.
Van shuddered slightly and his arms slowly came up, holding onto Eric, feeling the solid strength. It was so nice to just hold him, to touch him, without the cameras and the make-up, the tears would come back soon though.
The two men held each other for a few moments, breathing together, saying a silent good-bye to Reid and Luke and what they had accomplished together.
Finally, Eric let go, and Van was grateful, because he wouldn’t have been able to make the first move. Eric’s hand came up and patted Van’s cheek. “I’ll be in touch.”
Van nodded, fearing what words would stumble out of his mouth if he dared to open it. And then Eric was moving past him, walking out of the dressing room. Van silently watched the older man leave. He wanted to call out, but there was still so much to say, and Van hoped someday he’d have the time to tell Eric everything. Luke was right, they didn’t have enough time together, they hadn’t done so much. Luke wanted that time and Van wondered if he would ever get it.
In another time…another place…another lifetime…
--------------------------------
I can't believe it, but we only have one chapter left. Thank you so much for those of you who read and leave comments. This story wasn't actually supposed to be posted, and the way you have embraced it means the world to me. Thank you. ~Ali
Onto Chapter Fourteen (the end)....
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: NC-17
Slowly, Eric opened his eyes. He was happy and a little nervous. Van was awake, the redhead realized, because the younger man was gently massaging his scalp and Eric smiled. He turned his head, nuzzling against the Van’s chest.
“Morning,” the blonde whispered, as he absently continued to massage Eric’s scalp.
“Morning,” Eric returned the greeting.
Van didn’t want to move. He could spend the rest of his life with his arms wrapped around Eric. He’d been lying there for awhile, trying to remember everything from last night and figure out where all of this was going. Eric loved him. He still found it difficult to believe. Their relationship hadn’t always been easy and there was still so much to figure out. A part of him wanted to shut off the worry and doubt in his head, and just focus on this moment, this day, and this weekend. Despite the knowledge that Eric loved him, the knowledge that they lost track of each other once, and that the first time they had gotten closer, Eric had run, left this niggling doubt in Van’s mind. There had been times since then, two nights now in which he’d fallen asleep with Eric and when Van woke up, the older man was still there.
They were dating. They were in love.
Why couldn’t that be enough for him, Van wondered. It was, he supposed, the fear that he wasn’t sure if he could want anyone else after Eric, but he didn’t know if the redhead felt the same way.
Eric slowly disentangled himself from Van and with a wince, he propped up his arm, so he could rest his head against his palm.
“How are you?” Van questioned, eyeing the redhead.
“Happy.” He blushed and shook his head. “I know I need to come up with another word, but I feel amazing when I’m with you. Thank you…for everything. How ’bout you?”
Van reached up and kissed Eric. “I don’t think words have been invented for how I’m feeling.”
Eric chuckled and leaned into Van, giving the younger man another kiss. He pulled away, trying to hide his wince.
“You’re sore,” Van deduced. “I shouldn’t have-”
The older man shook his head. “Don’t. I have no regrets about last night. Well, maybe just one.”
“What?” Van asked, not able to keep the worry out of his voice.
“We didn’t do that sooner.”
A smile tugged at the younger man’s lips and he couldn’t quite meet Eric’s gaze. “All right. Give me five minutes.” He hopped out of the bed, grabbed his boxers, and headed into the bathroom.
Eric leaned back on the bed. A few moments later he heard water running in the bathroom. He wasn’t sure what Van had in mind, but Eric was willing to give his trust and his heart to the other man. He closed his eyes, images of the previous evening coming unbidden, and his body started to react.
A few minutes later, the redhead’s eyes flashed open. Van tugged off the sheet, and his eyes traveled down Eric’s body. The redhead felt himself blush all over, but then Van was leaning over him. His delicious mouth pressed a kiss to Eric’s aching cock.
“Van,” the redhead murmured.
Straightening, the blonde reached for Eric’s hands. “Come on. Bath time.”
Despite himself, the redhead chuckled. “Haven’t heard those words in years.” He allowed himself to be pulled out of the bed and taken into the bathroom. He tried not to feel self-conscious, walking around without his clothes, but he had given his trust to Van and he wasn’t about to take it back.
Van helped Eric settle into the tub. The hot water eased him physically and emotionally. Van was kneeling next to the tub and he just looked at the older man for a few moments. “Better?”
“Not yet,” Eric noted, already missing the warmth of Van’s body against his.
The younger man’s head tilted slightly to the right. “What’s wrong?”
“Join me,” Eric murmured, his gaze moving to Van’s mouth.
Van immediately shook his head. “No. This is about you, taking care of you.”
“What I want,” Eric said, taking his hands out of the water, and reaching for Van’s hands. “…is you. I’ll feel better if you join me.”
“Okay,” the blonde quickly acquiesced.
He tugged off his boxers and gingerly made his way into the tub. Some of the water sloshed over the side. Eric pulled his legs up until his thighs rested against his chest and the younger man slowly sank into the water. Eric tugged on Van’s legs, pulling him close. Then Eric wrapped Van’s legs around his body. They sat facing each other for a couple of moments.
“Better?” Van checked.
Eric pulled Van even closer, their cocks rubbing against each other. The blonde gasped and moved, trying to find some friction in the water. Eric pushed them even closer, moving with Van, reaching between their bodies, holding their cocks together, trying to get them both off. Finally, Van came with a shout and Eric quickly followed. The younger man rested his forehead against Eric’s shoulder.
“Now, I’m better,” the redhead told him.
Van chuckled softly, and he briefly wondered when he would give into this feeling: happiness. Being with Eric was more than wish fulfillment or turning his dreams into a reality. He was in love, and selfishly he wanted to feel this way forever. Van picked up a washcloth from the side of the tub. He dipped it into the water and started to rub it against Eric’s chest, cleaning up the older man and trying to still his thoughts.
Eric leaned into Van’s touch and his forehead rested against the blonde. He let Van do his work, while Eric’s hands rubbed up and down the younger man’s back.
After a few moments, they were still. Arms wrapped around each other, sitting in the warm water, letting it sooth them.
“What are you thinking about?” Eric questioned. His hand came up, trying to smooth Van’s furrowed brow.
Van held Eric’s gaze for a moment. “Why did you suggest this weekend? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re here. I just…why now?”
“Do you remember that night we first had dinner? Our first ‘date.’” He couldn’t help but smile, recalling that was how Van characterized their getting re-acquainted dinner. “You asked me if I was in a relationship-”
“I was terrified you were going to say yes,” Van admitted. “I didn’t think we’d ever be here, and I’m so grateful that we are, but I didn’t want to hear about you and someone else.”
“I know,” Eric noted. “One of the things I’ll never forget was that you said when you’re first in a relationship, you’re having sex all the time.”
Van hesitated for a moment. “Did it make you uncomfortable?”
“Yes,” the redhead admitted honestly, and he tucked his finger under Van’s chin, forcing the younger man to look at him. “Because all I could think about was you…with me.”
“And you didn’t like that?” Van questioned, wanting to look anywhere but at Eric.
“I didn’t know what to do with that,” the redhead countered.
Van had been so caught up in his own feelings: wanting someone he couldn’t have, fear of ruining a working relationship, hope for something he never thought would be possible, and the dread of losing Eric again. He hadn’t thought about what Eric was feeling, but Van was ready to know now, he had to. “And now?”
Eric couldn’t believe Van would ask him that after last night. “And now, I can’t imagine being anywhere else.”
“I know that here-this apartment-is a safe place…and I know it didn’t work with Christopher, because-”
“He wasn’t you,” Eric insisted with a quiet intensity.
Van briefly bit his lip. “Yes, I know that’s what you said, and I get how private you are, that you don’t want the world to know, but what about your kids? Are we going to have a relationship outside of this apartment?” He had to voice his fear, no matter what the consequence.
Eric looked at him for a moment. There were too many things for him to say and he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. He felt like he hadn't been able to do that yet. “I have to be sure…” he began, meaning the words he was striving to find.
Unfortunately, Van misinterpreted what Eric was saying to him. He felt like he’d been punched in the throat. “You doubt me?”
“No,” Eric insisted.
“Then you doubt us. You can love me here, but you can’t tell your kids about me.” He scrambled out of Eric’s arms, trying to disentangle his legs. He slipped a little, grabbing onto the towel bar for support. Van swiftly wrapped a towel around his waist and raced into his bedroom.
Eric ran after Van, grabbing a couple of towels as well. He wrapped one around his waist and followed the blonde. “I’m scared,” Eric said, the extra towel swinging against him as his hand nervously bounced.
Van couldn’t say anything. He was sitting on the edge of his bed and he was hunched over, trying to catch his breath.
“Before…when I knew you before, this wasn’t possible.” Eric slowly walked toward Van. “We didn’t even know each other a year, and I know it’s my fault. I lost track of you. And now this-us-we’ve been dating for six weeks. I know you doubt me…”
Van looked up and automatically opened his mouth to respond, but he couldn’t argue with Eric.
“Everything about us, is so different and no, it’s not because you’re a man. It’s because the future I see with you, it doesn’t scare me, but I don’t want to screw this up, either.”
The blonde shivered, and Eric moved to close the distance between them. He used the extra towel and started to rub down Van’s chest and arms. He thought the younger man was shivering from the cold, but it was the words that Eric had said.
Van’s hands came up and stilled the older man’s movements. “Eric…” He stood, keeping the redhead’s hand in place so he could still look into the Eric’s eyes.
Eric leaned in and kissed Van. “I couldn’t… My relationship with Christopher didn’t work because I didn’t want to share my life with him. I didn’t want to introduce him to my children. I want that with you and yes, that scares me, and that’s why I left after that first night. I couldn’t be what Christopher wanted, and I was terrified of not being what you wanted. You admitted to this crush, what if I couldn’t live up to your dreams?”
This time, Van kissed Eric. “You, the man you are, is so much more than my crush ever was. So what is all of this about?”
“The before,” the older man noted. He pressed a gentle kiss to Van’s neck, lapping up a couple of droplets he had missed.
“Before what?” Van whispered, his pulse started racing and he wanted to be able to concentrate on this conversation, but Eric was so distracting.
“Before,” the redhead continued, peppering each statement with a kiss to Van’s warm and tantalizing skin. “Before the rest of the world finds out, I want this. I want you and me.”
The blonde’s knees started to buckle and he held tightly onto Eric, as the older man continued to kiss and caress Van. “I’m not going anywhere, and I’m scared, but I want you.”
Eric pushed Van back onto the bed and then joined him, his body laid out on top of the younger man’s. He braced himself on his elbows, gazing down into Van’s hazel eyes. Van shifted, opening his legs, so that Eric could rest between them. The blonde used the heel of his foot to rub against the back of Eric’s leg, and the younger man’s hands stroked up and down the redhead’s back. Eric leaned down, pressing his lips to Van’s. They shared a couple of languid kisses.
“All of this is because I love you. I’m not going anywhere, Van. I promise. We have so much we still need to do,” Eric noted. “We’re just getting started.”
And Van spent the next two days showing Eric just what he had to look forward to.
*
“Oh my God!” Van felt his knees buckle underneath him.
It was Eric’s last day of filming, and while neither one of them could actually believe this was how the show decided to end Luke and Reid’s relationship, it all came crashing down around him. Eric had just walked into Van’s dressing room. He was shirtless, covered in bruises and blood.
The guys didn’t plan to rehearse these scenes. They wanted to keep it fresh, just let the emotion come and find a way to say good-bye to the characters. They promised not to lose touch, but Van knew after today everything was going to be different.
“The make-up people did an incredible job, huh?” the redhead checked. He wasn’t sure how he felt about these last scenes. He knew that Van would be amazing, and in a way, it was a relief. Reid’s story would be ending; there was no more worry that Luke would suddenly go back to Noah. And Reid would be a hero. He tried not to think about the disappointment to the fans, or even the disappointment he felt himself. He lived the life of an actor long enough to know that it was transient. This job lasted longer then most, but he’d become attached quicker then most as well, and one of those reasons was the young man standing in front of him.
“Van?” Eric wanted to reach out and touch him, but he was afraid if he did any damage to his make-up he’d get yelled at.
“Y-yeah,” the blonde panted. “Sorry. I knew in my head what was going to happen to Reid, but seeing you like this…” His voice trailed off and he was afraid, once again, that he would say the wrong thing, give too much insight into his feelings. The only nice thing about this being Eric’s last day was that Van wouldn’t be in a constant state of fear, admitting to an inappropriate crush on his married co-star.
“There…” Eric swallowed. He knew there was too much to say, and he hoped one day he and Van could sit down and talk about the show, about the impact it had on their lives and the great relationship they were able to create for Reid and Luke.
“Van Hansis, Eric Sheffer Stevens onto the set.”
Van smiled shyly. “Lead the way.”
The redhead nodded and headed out the door. It would have to wait for another time.
The day passed in a blur. Van felt as though he had been gutted, looking into Eric’s eyes, holding his head, kissing his shoulder, crying and begging, pleading for more time. He felt everything Luke was feeling. He wasn’t in love with Eric. They couldn’t possibly have a relationship; they hadn’t even worked together a year. Van felt like they were just getting started, Reid and Luke had so much more they could be and Van silently prayed for another opportunity to work with Eric again.
Finally, finally, the day was over, and Van drudged his way back to the dressing room. He didn’t see where Eric disappeared after they took Reid’s body away. He knew this wasn’t good-bye, but everything felt too much like it was.
“Eric,” the blonde gasped.
“Hey, Van. Just wanted…” His eyes shifted slightly, trying to find the right words. “You know, proper good-bye, and all.”
Van nodded his head and tried to wipe away any stray tears. “Kind of hate that word right now. We’ve been saying that too much lately. I don’t know what’s going to happen to Luke without Reid, and I’m going to keep you with me while I figure that out.”
Eric smiled. Since they began working together, he’d found that the younger man talked a lot, sometimes he’d stop himself, his sentences getting cut off and Eric was left wondering what Van was thinking. He felt honored to be given this glimpse today.
Knowing there was too much to say and afraid of all of that, Van attempted humor. “I think I’ll miss you most of all, Scarecrow.”
Eric chuckled. His hand bounced up, his fingers twitched, and he briefly tapped the side of his head. “The brain reference. Cute. But you know, Reid always had a brain, it was a heart that he needed. Luke gave it to him… But then he gave it to Chris.”
Van winced. “Ouch.” He honestly didn’t know if he could hurt any more today.
“Sorry.” Eric really hated good-byes, and a part of him was hoping to sneak out, to pretend that this wasn’t the end for them. But he didn’t want to do that to Van. He closed some of the distance between them. “I think I always knew you were a great actor, and I don’t know that I was able to comprehend the full extent of that, even today, but I hope to.”
Van didn’t think he had any more tears in him, but he was wrong. “I will miss Reid because you embodied him so fully from the first moment we read together. You brought a new life to me and to Luke, and for that I will always be grateful. I know this isn’t good-bye, but saying good-bye to Reid and Luke I’m…so appreciative for you and what you brought to my life. Thank you.” He shook his head.
The younger man turned, certain that Eric would want to head home, and Van had more scenes to memorize. He stilled when he felt a warm and roughened palm pressed against his. The younger man’s eyes slid shut, focusing on the familiar touch. Eric tugged slightly and Van was being pulled into the redhead’s arms.
“It’s not really good-bye,” Eric promised. He had grown so attached to this place and these people, especially Van. He didn’t want to leave him yet.
Van shuddered slightly and his arms slowly came up, holding onto Eric, feeling the solid strength. It was so nice to just hold him, to touch him, without the cameras and the make-up, the tears would come back soon though.
The two men held each other for a few moments, breathing together, saying a silent good-bye to Reid and Luke and what they had accomplished together.
Finally, Eric let go, and Van was grateful, because he wouldn’t have been able to make the first move. Eric’s hand came up and patted Van’s cheek. “I’ll be in touch.”
Van nodded, fearing what words would stumble out of his mouth if he dared to open it. And then Eric was moving past him, walking out of the dressing room. Van silently watched the older man leave. He wanted to call out, but there was still so much to say, and Van hoped someday he’d have the time to tell Eric everything. Luke was right, they didn’t have enough time together, they hadn’t done so much. Luke wanted that time and Van wondered if he would ever get it.
In another time…another place…another lifetime…
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I can't believe it, but we only have one chapter left. Thank you so much for those of you who read and leave comments. This story wasn't actually supposed to be posted, and the way you have embraced it means the world to me. Thank you. ~Ali
Onto Chapter Fourteen (the end)....