Fic: Off the Stage (9/14)
Title: Off the Stage (9/14)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: PG-13 (soon NC-17)
Characters/Pairings: Van Hansis/Eric Sheffer Stevens
Summary: Future fic. What happens off the stage when Van and Eric meet again?
Warnings: RPS. If you are offended by the idea, please do not read this story.
Disclaimer: Complete fabrication, never happened, never expect to happen. There are no intentions to offend or cause harm.
Author’s Notes: The whole thing (credit and blame) goes to cherimola. Without her, I never would have attempted to write this. Thanks to my amazing beta, reilaroo, I cannot post without you and thanks also to slayerkitty for insisting I post. Comments are appreciated and loved. Thank you ~Ali
Previous Chapters: { Chapter 1} { Chapter 2} { Chapter 3} { Chapter 4} { Chapter 5} { Chapter 6} { Chapter 7} { Chapter 8}
Chapter Nine
Play practice went as well as could be expected. Eric and Van were very cognizant of every movement. They delivered the lines, expressed the emotion of the breakthrough, but when it came time to hug again, it was like a middle school dance, you could fit another person between them. Neil made a note but recalling the haunted look in Van’s eyes at the previous rehearsal, he decided to let it go.
Other members of the cast were called up to the stage, scripts firmly in hand, and Neil had to focus more on them.
Van wandered over to the seats, watching some of the action unfold. He had his script with him, but he barely looked at it. He wasn’t sure where Eric was. Again, the blonde felt as though he should apologize for his actions. But every time he was around Eric, memories of the past came rushing at him and he was back there: 28-years-old, about to leave his first professional job, scared, and carrying a massive crush for a man who was completely out of reach.
Eric plopped down on the chair next to him. He looked at the stage as well before glancing at Van out of the corner of his eye. The younger man was sitting so still, and Eric could see a tick in his clenched jaw. With a sigh, he leaned back, his arm coming up and resting on the back of Van’s chair.
“Do you have a crush on him now?”
Van leaned back slightly, a soft sigh working past his lips, and Eric found himself smiling.
“I, uh, had to call Nate,” he said, keeping his voice low. “He’s got his first basketball game tonight and I’m not sure if I can make it.”
Van turned and he leaned down, the ends of his hair brushed against Eric’s arm. He didn’t know why here, sitting with Eric, he didn’t care if he touched him. He even got a slight thrill from the fact that the older man had come to find him and sat so close. But up on that stage, he felt completely exposed and the shield he had around his heart was transparent. “First game ever or first game of the season?”
“First game of the season,” Eric replied. “He played in elementary school and…” He shrugged, and his arm moved, his hand resting against Van’s shoulder. Eric didn’t know what he was doing. He couldn’t forget that moment where everything was perfect and he didn’t have to think or question. He knew acting with Van earlier that the younger man was over-thinking and analyzing everything. Eric wanted to assure his friend that while everything felt uncertain, he was there, standing in the middle of the storm with him. Here and now, though, off the stage, they would be okay.
It had to be.
Van’s eyes caught Eric’s for a moment and a smile tugged at the blonde’s lips. He never had difficulty looking at Eric when he was acting with him. The redhead had a way of making Van feel everything and be so comfortable with it at the same time. “When’s the game?”
“What?” Eric murmured. He’d been looking at Van, not thinking about anything, just enjoying the fact that he’d found his friend again.
“Do you have a crush on him now?”
“Nate’s game? If you need to head out-”
“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Eric said. “His stepfather is the coach. He finds it embarrassing enough when we’re both there.”
Van chuckled deeply. His body shook and moved away from Eric’s arm. The redhead tried not to feel the loss too much. “You’re such a fan! You embarrass him, don’t you? Please tell me you don’t wear some ridiculous T-shirt with ‘Nate’s Dad’ on it or ‘Go Number’ whatever he is.”
Eric found himself laughing in response, but they quickly tried to contain it, not wanting to disturb their co-stars on the stage. “I can’t believe you’d think that of me.”
“No, I know,” Van was quick to assure him.
“Nate’s just at that age where…” Eric’s voice trailed off. It was almost as though he was seeking a compliment, wanting Van to say…
“Please! You’re like this amazing person, Eric. Unbelievably talented and the least conceited actor I know. It’s easy to see how much you love those kids, it might be the point of embarrassment for them, but someday they’ll be so grateful, knowing what it was it like to be loved by you.”
The redhead shook his head. He realized then, while he might have been seeking a compliment, he didn’t want it. He didn’t want Van to put him up on some sort of pedestal. He wanted…
“Do you have a crush on him now?”
“Do you want to come to my place tonight?” Eric asked, the words quick and a little breathless, dying to get out but fearful of the consequences.
“What?” Van asked. He curled his feet up, wrapping his arms around his legs.
Do I tell him? Eric wondered. “It felt weird for me today. Maybe I’m the only one, but I want to be able to touch you without you getting scared.”
Van faced the stage again and Eric saw the tick in his jaw. “Yes,” he whispered.
The redhead’s mouth opened, wondering if he should admit that he was scared too.
“But… Come to my place around seven. I’ll order take-out,” Van said. He had yet to look at Eric.
“Okay,” the redhead agreed, but he wasn’t sure what he was agreeing to.
With a slight nod of his head, the blonde stood up and walked away. There was no backward glance, no quick grin, or spark of something else. He was gone and Eric was left wondering what had just happened.
“Do you have a crush on him now?”
“Yes,” he whispered to himself.
*
It was only when Van was home again that he realized what he had agreed to. He could pretend that whatever he had felt for Eric was long gone. He could ignore the skip he felt in his heart when he heard that Eric was free now. He could act as if he wasn’t anxious to have Eric in his home. They’d been friendly, a professional relationship and safe distance. Van didn’t usually go out for drinks with Eric. He didn’t see the ridiculous amount of movies that he and Jake did. But knowing that Eric wasn’t free, that he didn’t have a chance, none of it hindered Van’s feelings for the redhead.
Van had done a quick clean of his apartment, making sure it looked all right. His thoughts were all over the place, his constant fear of exposing his feelings. He could call it a crush, but whatever it was, he’d forced it down. He’d made himself forget about Eric because when he was with the redhead, it was as though he felt every nerve-ending in his body. He was raw and exposed, just waiting for Eric to look at him and realize…
He’s free now.
Van’s movements stilled.
“But not for me,” he reminded himself.
Eric came with a six-pack of beer and his script. When he opened the door, Van found himself being tugged into the redhead’s arms. He heard the slight clinking of the bottles as they moved in their cardboard package and bumped into his back. Eric gave him a quick hug, his body pressed into Van’s, the older man’s chin resting gently on Van’s shoulder. The blonde thought maybe this was the hug he had been too afraid of giving earlier on the stage.
With a gentle shake, Van pulled away. When would he be able to separate his life from what he did in the name of acting? He didn’t want to hide. But could Van constantly ask himself if he could be this honest with Eric?
The redhead gave him a quick grin and walked past Van into the younger man’s apartment. He’d called Terri one more time before coming over. He had finally answered the question she brought up at the coffee shop earlier. He had to pull his phone away from his ear when she squealed like his daughter, but he took it as a good response.
“Terri, is this crazy?”
“Don’t overanalyze this, Eric,” she insisted. “You’re both adults. You’re both free. But don’t come on too strong,” she advised.
“Well, you know Van…”
“Yes. He’s bright and gregarious and everyone loves him. But he’s a sweet man as well. I remember what he was like that last week, after you were done filming… Well, at least he had Jake.”
Eric sighed. “He always has Jake.”
Terri wasn’t sure if Eric realized how he sounded with that statement. She briefly recalled rehearsing scenes with Eric and Reid’s disdain for something about life in Oakdale. “If he freaked out over admitting his crush on you, just… Okay. Eric, don’t hinder yourself. Be honest with him. Don’t come on too strong, just be your cute charming self.”
“Terri, I’m not ‘cute.’ I passed cute 30 years ago. But yes, this all feels a bit like high school.”
She chuckled into the phone. “If you get to first base, let me know in study hall tomorrow.”
With a shake of his head, he turned off his phone.
Keeping the advice in mind, but also the feeling that he didn’t want to scare Van or hide either. It was time to get out of high school, and he trusted Van enough to do just that.
“So I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for,” Van noted, shutting the door and following Eric into his kitchen. “There’s take-out menus on the counter. But I have to ask-”
“Yeah?” Eric said, putting the beer down and leaning his hip against the counter.
Van smiled. “How did Nate’s game go?”
The redhead chuckled. He’d just gotten off the phone with Nate before he headed over. Actually, his son had called him to share the play-by-play. As the two men went through the menus, picking a place, Eric shared the details with Van. The redhead found himself constantly smiling, looking at Van, glad he could share with someone Nate’s victory. It was one of the difficulties of the divorce, not sharing his children’s accomplishments with someone. Christopher had tried, but…
With a shake of his head, Eric decided to focus on the reason he had come over in the first place. They each grabbed a beer and headed into the living room. There was a couch and a chair, but for some reason, it felt most natural to sit on the couch together.
“Van, I-” Eric began, but he wasn’t sure what he was going to say, actually. “I don’t want you-”
“I know.” Van held up his hand. “You don’t have to say it. I’ve been here before: inappropriate crush on my straight friend.”
The redhead was stunned for a moment. He may not have been certain of what he was going to say, but it definitely was not that. “No, Van-” Eric was interrupted again, this time by the buzzer.
Van hopped up quickly, a gentle pat on Eric’s thigh, and he was answering the door.
They ate in relative silence. The limited conversation revolved around food. Van worried about what he’d said, his indication that his crush was present tense and not a thing of the past. But he had to wonder if he ever really let it go, either. Eric was swimming in his own head, trying to figure out how to tell Van what he was thinking, when he wasn’t even sure if he could articulate it himself.
When most of the food was gone, Van leaned back on the couch. Eric looked at him for a moment and leaned back as well. He stretched his leg out in front of him. He’d misjudged some of the distance and his shoulder brushed against Van’s.
“Do you remember how it felt when you realized you wanted to be an actor?” Van murmured.
He could feel the younger man’s breath, a tickle against his ear. “Yeah,” Eric whispered in return. His left hand started to bounce again, so close to Van that one little move and he could be touching the younger man.
“I didn’t know how I was going to tell my parents,” the blonde noted, his voice still soft. “I’d done some plays in junior high, and I have an older brother, the golden son. He’s an investment banker. My parents are proud of me, but…” He shook his head a few times, and Eric felt Van’s cheek graze against his own. “The moment I knew I wanted to be an actor, there was no going back.” He shifted and his head finally rested against Eric’s shoulder. Maybe it was the extra beer he had with dinner. Maybe he was tired of carrying the weight of an unrequited crush. Maybe he wanted to just touch Eric.
The older man sat perfectly still. His heart rate increased exponentially and his hand finally stopped bouncing. He let it slide, resting between his leg and Van’s. The worn jeans the blonde was wearing felt soft against the back of Eric’s hand.
“I’d found this place,” Van continued, a gentle confession. “It was where I belonged. It was scary and wonderful at the same time. Did you ever feel that way?”
“Yes,” he answered quickly, softly. His body was rigid, frozen in place.
“When?” Van asked. He finally moved, shifting his leg up, so that his thigh rested against Eric’s as the blonde turned side-ways on the couch. “When did you…”
“A few times in my life,” Eric noted. His body continued to face forward and with a quick glance down, he saw Van’s leg resting against his own. The traitorous hand came up, an open palm finding Van’s knee, sliding down, a quick rub up the blonde’s thigh, then back to the knee, down again and back. It would bounce against Eric’s leg, but once it came in contact with Van’s, it slipped and slid, open palm, firm grip. “I wasn’t sure if I could…”
“What?” Van murmured.
A shake of the redhead’s head and Van’s fingers were there, hooking underneath Eric’s chin, tugging him close. The hand slid down again and stopped mid-thigh. This time his fingers dug in, holding themselves in place.
“What aren’t you sure of?” Van wondered.
Eric’s free hand came up, cupping Van’s cheek, and the blonde automatically leaned into it. Eric found himself smiling, the familiar gesture so welcoming after the numerous questions. But this moment felt different.
He’s free now…
Then Eric was tugging, pulling Van close, his forehead rested against the blonde’s. Nothing about this felt like acting. Eric had done this once before, an act of assurance to Van, that the blonde’s crush was not something to fear, that they would somehow work everything out. He had leaned down, their noses brushed against each other, and then Eric’s lips were pressed against Van’s. The blonde was grateful for a moment, knowing that he’d never had been able to make the first move. A gentle kiss, mouths closed, lips pressed together, all so familiar and then Eric moved, Van’s mouth opened, and their breath mixed together. The hand against his thigh squeezed tightly again and then the hand against his face turned, reaching for the back of Van’s neck, a gentle tug on his hair. They moved together, separated again, their noses brushed past one another as they searched for a better angle, the kiss deepened a little. Van’s mouth opened, a gasp of the reality of what was happening came at him, and then Eric’s tongue was there, running along his bottom lip, slipping into Van’s mouth, seeking the blonde’s tongue. Another gasp and Van almost bit Eric’s lip and he fell back. One of the younger man’s feet was planted firmly on the ground. Eric’s grip finally let go of Van’s other leg and he tried to straighten it, instead Eric fell between both of the blonde’s legs, Eric’s chest rested against Van’s as the younger man landed against the couch cushions. And yet through it all, their mouths stayed connected, and Eric’s wandering right hand kept exploring.
*
Van slowly walked through the Brooklyn studios. He’d been working on his film for the last month, so many nights, locked up in the building. The whole project had been amazing. He’d found himself with a renewed love of acting. He enjoyed the show and his love for it had not waned but the excitement had. Then the last few months, working with Eric, the heartbreaking break-up of Luke and Noah, Luke falling in love with Reid, all of it helped to bring back this renewal. Now after the filming the movie, it felt as though Van was ready to do this again. The show would be ending soon, and he was determined to enjoy every moment.
“Well, well, well, Mr. Snyder, so nice of you to grace us with your presence.”
Van paused in his stroll, and he couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t heard that voice-anywhere outside his own head-in almost a month. Van turned quickly on his heel and found himself face-to-face with Eric. Jake was off through most of the summer, working on other projects. Van and him still hung out but Eric…
“God, you look so tan!” the blonde exclaimed.
Eric chuckled. He had missed playing Reid, but in a way, he missed playing Reid with Van. “After a month that’s all you got?”
Van had started to close the distance; his feet stumbled a little over themselves. He had wanted to pull Eric close and hug him, but he wasn’t sure… The “professional” crush had grown exponentially in the last couple of months. The distance helped, Van could focus on the movie and not think about what he was missing. They were about to film seven episodes in the next five days. It would be intense, but Van knew Eric would be prepared. More than that, it was a perverse sense of heaven. A four-week absence, and then they would be reunited. He tried to justify it as Luke and Reid would be reunited, but in the world of Oakdale, they hadn’t been apart. They’re “dating.”
Trying to shake away the thoughts, Van felt a warm palm on his shoulder and then the whoosh of air as he was propelled into Eric. The redhead wrapped his arms around Van, his chin resting on the other man’s shoulder. “I’ve missed you,” he admitted.
Van smiled and nodded his head, his chin sliding down the redhead’s shoulder and his mouth rubbed against Eric’s chest for a moment. The older man’s hand stilled slightly.
“I missed you too,” Van whispered before pulling away. He couldn’t do this. With a quick smile he pulled way.
“How was the movie?” Eric asked.
Van’s mouth opened, surprised that Eric would ask. The redhead was a nice guy, but most of their conversations revolved around their work on the show. Eric talked about his family whenever Van asked, but there was a professional distance between them as well.
“Oh, great,” Van noted. “I was just thinking…I have this renewed energy for all of this. I’m so glad to be back and find out what happens next for Reid and Luke. It’s just really great to be back. I do want to do other movies, that’s for sure. I just…” He shook his head. He felt like a babbling idiot. “So have you been living at the beach or something?”
“A little,” he admitted. “The kids are out of school, so I’m being Mr. Mom while Jenny’s working. Nate loves to be outside. We’ve got a basketball hoop set up at the house.”
“Really?” Van checked, trying to hide his smile.
“I know, Jake is a foot taller than me, but Nate seems to really be into it, so we’re out there in the mornings. Sarah acts as the referee. The sun rises and sets on her big brother, so no matter what he always wins.”
Van couldn’t hide his smile this time. He loved the light that Eric got in his eyes when he talked about his kids. It wasn’t fair, the blonde realized. Just when he thought he could get over this, when he could pretend that the “professional” crush wasn’t real, Eric would do or say something that made Van want him more. Even after a month it was as glaringly obvious as it was the day they’d last seen each other.
“Well, as his dad, I’m sure that you make sure Nate succeeds.”
“No, he’s actually just that good,” Eric responded. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at the ground.
Van chuckled. “So basketball with the kids, anything else?”
“Just prepping for Vermont in August. We’ll have to start rehearsals as soon as I wrap up here.”
Van hoped to go up there and see Eric in the play. He knew he’d probably go to see the redhead read a phonebook, but it would be good too, to see Eric with his wife and kids. The cold shower of reality that he needed. “Well, you look good,” Van said.
Eric looked at him for a moment. The older man’s mouth was open, but he wasn’t sure what to say. Somehow he’d forgotten how free the blonde was with his compliments. It wasn’t as though Van didn’t mean them, but sometimes Eric wondered how much was part of the younger man’s carefree nature.
“Did you miss me?” Van asked with a cheeky grin.
“Of course.”
Van hadn’t meant to ask it like that. He’d known he missed Eric, but despite his efforts he had asked the question after all. Before he could ask for clarification-although, Van swore that Eric would tell him it was just about playing Reid-they were being called to the set.
*
A few days of working together, constantly rehearsing, running lines, acting. Neither one remembered much of what was being filmed, but it was great to be reunited. Van tried to savor each moment, knowing that it would all be over with soon: the show, all the friends he’d made, working with Jake and Eric. He didn’t doubt that he and Jake could stay in touch, but Eric…
“All right guys,” the director’s voice pulled Van out of his reverie. “Eric, you’re on the couch and then Van, cross over and sit down next to him. Go over the lines, look adoringly at each other. Van ask him what he’s going to wear-”
Both men looked at each other. “Clothes,” they said dryly and shared a laugh.
“Yes,” the director replied. “Let’s go!”
Eric sat down on the couch and stretched his legs out in front of him on the table. They went through the scene and Van was to walk over. The blonde misjudged slightly when he tried to step over Eric. The older man thought to move and pulled his legs closer, sliding off the table, so the back of his legs rested against the couch. When Van went to cross over, his leg bumped into Eric’s and he fell on the redhead. Eric dropped the pad of paper he’d been holding and reached for Van, his arms circling around the blonde, and they found themselves staring breathlessly at each other.
“That was graceful,” Eric noted, a smile dancing across his lips.
“What can I say?” Van said, his voice coming out in a soft pant. He tried to move, but Eric’s grip was firm.
“Everything okay?” the director called.
The younger man scrambled, his hand landed against Eric’s thigh. He hesitated for a moment, his hand opened and then his grip tightened and he stood up. A couple of the crewmembers clapped and Van bowed.
“All right, from the top,” the director’s voice boomed through the loudspeaker. “Eric keep your legs in place, so Van doesn’t keep ending up in your lap.”
“What would the censors say?” Eric muttered under his breath, but Van distinctly heard him. The blonde’s gaze met Eric’s for a moment, and the redhead rolled his eyes heavenward.
Eric said his lines and Van moved. He looked at the older man’s legs for a moment, but the redhead held still. Van swung his foot over and reached over, gripping Eric’s foot for a moment before sitting down. He leaned against the couch, his body pressed up against Eric’s. Van’s head rested on his shoulder. He savored the moment, the opportunity to be this close to Eric and act out some of the couple moments. It was just pretend but it was all he had.
-------------------------------------------------
We got the answer to Terri’s question. I don’t know if anyone doubted Eric has a crush on Van. Personally, this is my favorite chapter and I hope you enjoyed it as well. ~Ali
Onto Chapter 10 (rated NC-17)....