Fic: Off the Stage (7/14)
Title: Off the Stage (7/14)
Author: gradgirl (aka Ali)
Rating: PG-13 (eventually NC-17)
Characters/Pairings: Van Hansis/Eric Sheffer Stevens
Summary: Future fic. What happens off the stage when Van and Eric meet again?
Warnings: RPS. If you are offended by the idea, please do not read this story.
Disclaimer: Complete fabrication, never happened, never expect to happen. There are no intentions to offend or cause harm.
Author’s Notes: The whole thing (credit and blame) goes to cherimola. Without her, I never would have attempted to write this. Thanks to my amazing beta, reilaroo, I cannot post without you and thanks also to slayerkitty for insisting I post. Comments are appreciated and loved. Thank you ~Ali
Previous Chapters: { Chapter 1} { Chapter 2} { Chapter 3} { Chapter 4} { Chapter 5} { Chapter 6}
Chapter Seven
“Are you going to be all right?” Jake asked as he and Van walked out of the bar. After the initial conversation, Van ignored Jake’s attempts to ask him about his feelings Eric.
“I can’t…” Van sighed softly. “I know it’s not exactly what it was before, but it kind of still is.”
“So what are you going to do?” Jake questioned. “You and Eric always had a great working relationship, even when-”
“Even when I wanted him,” the blonde finished. “He’s single, but he’s not…” He shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair a few times. “I should probably talk to him. We have to redo the scene tomorrow and if I don’t, I’ll be up all night thinking about it. I don’t want this to affect our working relationship.”
“Okay.” Jake reached out and pulled Van close for a hug. “Call me,” he instructed.
Van gently patted Jake’s back once, twice, and then pulled away. “I’m stupid, right?”
Jake shook his head. “I don’t necessarily see the attraction, but he would be crazy not to want you back.”
“You never did,” Van pointed out with a teasing grin.
“Yeah, but I’m crazy.” Jake chuckled.
“Give Peyton my love and give Beth a kiss from her ‘Uncle Van.’”
“Got it,” Jake replied. “And I mean it, call me if things get…complicated.”
“Yeah.” He nodded his head in response but already felt like things were too complicated.
Jake gave him another hug and went to catch a cab. Van watched his friend for a moment before pulling out his phone. As soon as he got reacquainted with Eric, he immediately asked for his phone number. He didn’t want to lose track of Eric again. At the time he had claimed that he wanted it in case he needed to run lines. Eric didn’t seem to think anything was out of the ordinary and asked for Van’s in return.
Van’s hand shook as he looked at the screen. He quickly pressed the call button before he could change his mind.
“This is Eric,” the redhead’s voice greeted him.
Van nervously bit his lip and felt his stomach twist. Just hearing Eric’s name made him feel like an awkward teenager.
“Hello?” the voice repeated.
“Uh, yeah, it’s Van-Van Hansis.”
Eric’s dark chuckle greeted him. “You’re the only Van I know. What can I do for you?”
“I know it’s kind of late, but are you free? I want to talk to you about…the notes from Neil,” his voice rose a little at the end.
There was silence on the other end for a moment, and the blonde wondered if he shouldn’t have made this call after all.
“Yeah. Do you want to come over?” Eric asked, and before Van could respond, he rattled off his address.
“I’ll be right there,” Van assured him and hung up.
Eric looked at the phone in his hand. Did he just agree to bring Van into his house? He knew that after his talk with Neil that Van would want to talk to him. If nothing else, the younger man always felt the need to talk, why should now be any different?
The redhead went around his apartment, picking up a few things, trying to make the place presentable. He knew Van wouldn’t care nor notice, but it gave him something to do. After talking to Jenny, Eric had been reviewing the script, remembering how he and Van had acted in the scene, and he was making notes, trying to do the exact opposite of all that they had.
Before Eric knew it, the buzzer for his front door went off. He immediately went to answer but took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair a few times. Soon he was letting Van into his apartment.
Both men hesitated in the doorway. Van shoved his hands into his pockets and his eyes shifted, not quite meeting Eric’s. The older man’s mouth opened, but he wasn’t sure what to say.
“Can I come in?” Van finally asked.
Eric shook himself out of his own concerns and opened the door wider. “Of course.” He stepped aside and when Van walked past him, both men held their breath. The blonde’s shoulder briefly brushed across Eric’s chest, and he quickly made his way further into the apartment.
Van stood for a few moments, taking in the apartment. It was a little small, like the blonde’s own. There were pictures of Eric’s family scattered around and a bookshelf crammed with books, scripts, and everything else. It was on the tip of Van’s tongue to ask if Eric had built it, but he knew he would be delaying the inevitable: the reason he came.
“Look, Eric-”
“Want a drink?” Eric offered.
Van shook his head. “No, I just…I know that Neil talked to you about…the, uh, scene today.”
The redhead looked at Van, silently observing him. The younger man looked extremely nervous, like his skin was too tight, and Eric wasn’t sure what was going on. It had been disconcerting, but nothing they couldn’t work on. He wasn’t necessarily surprised that Van had called him to talk, but Eric didn’t expect to invite Van over. The words had slipped out so quickly.
“All right,” Eric finally responded. “I explained to Neil that you and I-well Reid and Luke were in love and that was probably bleeding over into our scenes now.”
“Right.” He nodded his head. “That makes sense.”
Eric started to make his way closer to Van. He wasn’t sure, but he thought the younger man was holding something back. “But?” he asked, and his shoulder gently bumped into Van’s.
“I can’t.” He smiled sadly and shook his head. “I can’t. I never could.”
“Van?” Eric’s hand automatically reached out and gripped Van’s shoulder. “What is it?”
The younger man shook off Eric’s hand, and the redhead couldn’t hide his hurt. “I-I’m sorry, uh. This is stupid. It was stupid then and it was even stupider now.”
“What?” he murmured.
Van’s gaze finally met Eric’s. “I used to have the biggest crush on you.”
Eric stumbled backward as though Van had slapped him in the face. It was the last thing he ever expected to hear.
“I was a grown-up, well, in a way,” Van replied, his voice sounded a little loud and high-pitched. “I was 28 and I thought getting a crush on your straight friend ended in high school, before you…” He started to pace and his voice picked up speed with each step. “I knew better, I knew I shouldn’t and you can’t…I thought I was over it and I am,” he insisted, holding up his hand.
Eric still hadn’t spoken, trying to understand everything that Van was saying. A crush? He didn’t make sense, but the words coming from Van’s mouth, they wouldn’t stop. He wanted to hold up his hands, shut up the younger man, or even try to cover his own ears so he wouldn’t have to listen.
“I would lie to myself and say it was all Reid, because right from the beginning you embodied the character very well, and I loved Reid and I loved the way you…but it wasn’t that. It was all you. And what happened today, it’s all my fault,” Van finally finished. He shoved his hands in his pockets again and his sad gaze met Eric’s. The minute he saw the bewildered looked on the redhead’s face, Van wanted to take every word back and pretend that he’d never come there.
“I had no idea,” Eric murmured.
Van shrugged sadly. “Well that’s something,” he admitted gratefully. “I was so afraid that if you knew that it would hinder our rela- the way we worked together.”
“It’ll be fine,” the older man said, trying to convince himself as well. He had felt something in those scenes earlier. He knew it wasn’t Luke and Reid, but he couldn’t quite place it. “Neil said that it was both of us, Van. I won’t let you take the all the blame on this.” His left hand started to bounce against his leg. “We…”
There was so much sadness and anger in Van’s eyes. Anger at himself for not being able to control his emotions, and he wouldn’t allow himself to listen to any blame being taken off of himself.
Without hesitation, Eric reached out and took Van’s face in his hands. His fingers worked their way into the hair at the nape of Van’s neck. “We’ll figure it out,” he assured the younger man.
Van swallowed thickly and nodded his head. His own hands itched to reach for Eric, and he tried not to be affected by the other man. Even after all this time though, feeling Eric’s hands on him, looking into those blue eyes of his, Van realized he could easily lose himself. “Right,” he murmured, his breath brushing against Eric’s face.
“We just have to remember we’re playing estranged brothers and not former…almost-lovers,” Eric replied, his gaze wandered from Van’s eyes for a moment down to the blonde’s mouth. He tried not to remember what it felt like to kiss him.
“And doesn’t that sound like a soap opera?” Van asked, quirking any eyebrow.
Eric chuckled softly and his grip tightened, pulling Van closer. Their foreheads brushed against each other and Van’s laughter died on his lips. A moment passed and then another, but neither man moved. Eric was still trying to reconcile what Van had told him, recalling events from their time together, and trying to pick up on clues. But in a way it had felt like another life, and he couldn’t think about the man he was then, acting with the blonde Eric was still holding on to. Van didn’t seem to be any hurry to leave, and Eric didn’t want him to go either. He wanted to talk to Van, make sure he was okay.
The redhead’s fingers flexed again, a gentle massage against Van’s scalp. The other man’s eyes fluttered shut, and Eric wondered how long he could stay like this. He didn’t know what he was going to say. He didn’t know what to do. He just wanted to hold this moment because everything about it felt right. But then Van’s eyes flashed open and his pupils grew.
Eric nervously swallowed, he knew he shouldn’t-
“I need to go,” Van announced, tugging away and trying not to grimace as Eric’s fingers became disentangled. He rushed toward the door.
“Van?” Eric called after him.
The blonde stared at the door for a moment and slowly turned back to Eric. “I’ll see you tomorrow. We’ll be great.” He offered a half-smile and left.
“Right,” Eric murmured to himself.
*
Eric was grateful he didn’t have to have his hair wet for the scenes today. He had felt a chill, walking around the drafty studio with wet hair, bare feet, and an open shirt. He had to amend that last thought, though, because Van had buttoned the shirt for him when they finished the scene.
When the redhead got to the studio, he couldn’t find Van anywhere. He’d tried the usual places and worried something was wrong with his co-star. Finally, Van found him. He had an apologetic look on his face, and he handed Eric a tall coffee.
“Thanks,” Eric murmured.
“I didn’t sleep well,” Van explained, not wanting to go into the details. He’d spent too much of the night going over his conversation with Jake, and he felt nervous about kissing Eric again.
“You ready to run lines?” Eric asked. His gaze watched Van for a few moments, looking at the young man in front of him. He looked tired, but there was something else-a nervousness, which didn’t make sense, because Van never appeared nervous.
“Of course.” Van’s smile was a little too bright.
They ran through the scenes a few times. By some sort of unspoken agreement, they decided not to rehearse the kissing parts of the scenes. Van was grateful. He knew that he could keep himself in check when others were around. Van was a professional; he would not allow this crush or whatever it was to influence his work. But he still needed a little bit of time, a chance to control his feelings in his scenes with Eric.
“You’ll be great,” Van noted.
Eric shook his head. He didn’t want to be complimented. He was there to do his job. Sometimes he felt he gave as good as he got in his scenes. He felt the need to give the best he could, even with the shortened schedule and lack of practice time. He was glad Van felt the same way.
“Well, better head to hair and make-up,” Van said. He shot Eric a smile, but the redhead couldn’t quite read the expression.
Later, he found himself standing in front of Van, chilled again, and wearing an open shirt and bare feet. Eric was grateful that he didn’t have damp hair this time. Although holding someone and kissing them, didn’t give him much of a chill.
The director came down, talked to them for a few moments. They’d start with the kiss again. Then Eric would start to unbutton Van’s shirt, and Van would pull away. “Let the moment feel natural.” Eric shot a glance at Van, saw the rueful smile grace the blonde’s lips, and he felt a smile tug at his own. He knew they were thinking the same thing.
The director headed off the stage and the guys hit their marks. “Action!”
Van reached out and tugged Eric close, his mouth fitting against the redhead’s. Hands went everywhere: neck, chest, hair. Suddenly, Van felt a pull, Eric’s hand slipped between his shirt and chest, buttons were being tugged. It was too much and Van’s hands went up, gripping Eric’s face. The older man looked at him for a moment, a drugged haze in his blue eyes. Van was afraid of saying something so he pulled again, his lips finding Eric’s. The scene continued, more kisses, touches. Van’s fingers tugged on Eric’s hair; he couldn’t get enough of the redhead and the feel of the thick hair between his fingers.
Remembering his line, Van pulled away. “What are we doing?”
Eric tried to respond, but Van wanted to touch him again and cut off the line, pressing his lips to Eric’s once more. He had to pull away, talk about making a mistake, pushing Eric’s hands away from his body. He babbled through his lines, trying to straighten his clothes, anything not to reach for Eric again. Then he heard a soft, “Shh,” and Eric was buttoning his shirt for him. Van didn’t remember reading that in the script, but it felt too natural, too real. Van needed to get out of there.
“And cut!” the director called. “You were great guys!”
They wandered off the stage. By some unspoken agreement, they had made their way to Van’s dressing room.
“He’s right,” Van noted. “But was there a doubt?”
Eric didn’t feel great. He felt glad to be done for the day, but he didn’t want compliments. “I don’t know,” the redhead admitted. “I had trouble getting the buttons undone.”
“I didn’t notice,” Van replied. “Did I, um…” A blush stained his cheeks, and he couldn’t quite meet Eric’s gaze, instead focusing on the redhead’s right ear. “Did I tug too hard…on your hair?”
During those few moments, Eric was lost in the scene. Reid had enjoyed the kiss, the gentle massage, the need to touch and kiss and feel, all of it was right. “No,” Eric replied. “It was fine,” he assured Van.
“Yeah.”
“So!” Jake’s voice greeted both men.
Van jumped and his haunted look met Jake’s gaze.
“I need to go,” Eric replied. “Get out of these clothes, head home.” He headed for the door and paused, looking back at Van. “Thanks.”
Van nodded his head in response, and then his gaze appeared to be searching Jake’s. Eric still couldn’t figure out their relationship. Best friends, he assumed. He briefly wondered if the show had continued, if he would develop a similar relationship with Van.
Jake’s hand reached out and gently patted Van’s shoulder. Eric stayed for another moment and then headed out of there.
“So I was there for the ‘morning after’ bit of the scenes,” Jake noted. “But how did the first part of your working day go?” he asked, teasing.
Van shook his head. “Not funny. But…” He sighed. “He is a good kisser. He has this way of…” Van’s voice trailed off. This wasn’t helping.
“Oh,” Jake replied. He had just heard about Van’s crush, but he wasn’t sure how far it had gone. Jake wondered if Van realized how much he had given away.
“I know,” Van assured the brunette, hearing everything Jake was thinking in his “oh.” “I know. I can do this,” but the blonde wasn’t sure who he was trying to reassure. “I just don’t think…if I have to keep kissing him like I did today, this isn’t going to be easy.”
“I’m here,” Jake assured.
Van tried to smile, but it became a bit of a grimace. As difficult as it was going to be to hang out with Eric and share scenes with him, a part of Van was grateful that the show would be ending in a few months. He wouldn’t have to see Eric any more, or kiss him, or touch him. But even as he thought it, the idea became even more painful than seeing Eric every day.
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I'm not sure if anyone was surprised by Van's admission, but where do you think this could lead? We're half-way through and I cannot find the right words to thank you for all the encouragement and support and lovely comments. ~Ali
Onto Chapter Eight...