the hollow of a haunted night
i am very tired right now and i should probably be going to bed as i do not get enough sleep during the week and i did not get enough sleep last night. i feel like an old person, i haven't been physically able of sleeping for more than 7/8 hours. most of it is circumstantial but even when given the opportunity i just wake up and even though i am still tired i can't stay in bed.
i don't really like it.
there are a lot of things i don't like right now. and even though i know what i need to do to change them i just can't bring myself. pathetic.
i need to stop complaining and start changing things but i just...well...i don't know. i don't know if its just bad habits at this point or if i have subconscious self destructive tendencies.
i just feel either really irritated or really angry at many people, few of whom actually deserve my feelings of resentment.
also my room is a mess and i should do something about it...my corner, specific.
there are so many things i know i should be doing. like homework, studying, trying, caring, not spending my entire weekend watching shitty tv online.
i think right now i am trying to be something not, as well as wishing i was something that deep down i don't really want to be. i am very confused about my feelings about everything. i guess what i really wish was that i was enough. though i may be logically enough, in practicality in real life i am not. even though i know that...i deserve better...i don't. i could quote perks of being a wallflower but instead i am going to continue to listen to this song on repeat and continue hitting refresh. refresh. refresh.
i don't really like it.
there are a lot of things i don't like right now. and even though i know what i need to do to change them i just can't bring myself. pathetic.
i need to stop complaining and start changing things but i just...well...i don't know. i don't know if its just bad habits at this point or if i have subconscious self destructive tendencies.
i just feel either really irritated or really angry at many people, few of whom actually deserve my feelings of resentment.
also my room is a mess and i should do something about it...my corner, specific.
there are so many things i know i should be doing. like homework, studying, trying, caring, not spending my entire weekend watching shitty tv online.
i think right now i am trying to be something not, as well as wishing i was something that deep down i don't really want to be. i am very confused about my feelings about everything. i guess what i really wish was that i was enough. though i may be logically enough, in practicality in real life i am not. even though i know that...i deserve better...i don't. i could quote perks of being a wallflower but instead i am going to continue to listen to this song on repeat and continue hitting refresh. refresh. refresh.