Not Good. Oh so Not Good
This holiday is turning out to be anything but. In the last three days, I've had racism,religious bigotry, food policing, fat-shaming, amateur psychiatry, the fat-girl's-hell that is clothes shopping in standard retail stores, single-shaming, introvert overstimulation and bawling kids. I have a stomach ache from the stress and my aunt's bowel-shredding wholegrain bread, and for some reason best known only to itself my brain has decided to throw up painful crap when I won't be seeing my counsellor for two more weeks minimum, which is causing rapid plunges in mood at no notice whatsoever. And it's Christmas Eve tomorrow, Christmas Day the Day after, and so on, and I must Be Sociable even though on the inside I feel like screaming until I'm hoarse. This does not bother anyone else - they don't care if I'm dissociated and distressed, so long as I'm present and making the appropriate noises.
All things considered I am quite a long way away from all right. My mother, also here, is oblivious.As ever. She still doesn't believe I have depression a decade after I was diagnosed, so this is no surprise. I am just desperately wishing there was someone who I could talk to who is not themselves up to their eyeballs with their own holiday stressing. As it is I just want to retreat to my room, take the laptop and stay there until we go home.
All things considered I am quite a long way away from all right. My mother, also here, is oblivious.As ever. She still doesn't believe I have depression a decade after I was diagnosed, so this is no surprise. I am just desperately wishing there was someone who I could talk to who is not themselves up to their eyeballs with their own holiday stressing. As it is I just want to retreat to my room, take the laptop and stay there until we go home.