(no subject)
What is a little bit ironic about this livejournal is that I don't have the heart to get rid of it, but I don't write in it as often as I should. But I come back to it when I really have something to say and sometimes writing it out is the only way to release a little bit of steam. I come back to the LJ because I know hardly anyone reads it anymore.
Sigh.
A lot has been going on in my little corner of the world the past week. I've made a big decision and now Dad has decided he is going to 'cut me off.' Before anyone (like anyone is reading this anyway) thinks 'Oh, Jill, what did YOU do wrong?' there is a lot of history in my relationship with him. Everything that has happened throughout my whole life has culminated into this one issue. Frankly, I am tired. Tired of being nice all of the time and getting stepped on. I'm tired of hearing how I'm not good enough because I graduated from college with a 3.7 GPA and he graduated with a 3.8. I'm tired of this rollercoaster. Tired of being told that it was a mistake to drop out of swim team in the 8th grade. This is all so petty. My life is going by too quickly to be bogged down by decisions I made when I was 12 years old. This has been a long time coming.
Despite all of that... I am so crazy in love. My heart just overflows everytime I talk to him. He's so thoughtful and kind. Truly the most geniune person I've ever know, or ever will know. When he holds me every bad thing disappears. He's strong but compassionate. Few men capture all of these things. I consider myself lucky -- that God would bless me so greatly with him.
Isn't it strange how friendships come and go? I remember in elementary school and middle school - my friends were the ones who sat next to me at lunch or played with me on the playground. It changed a lot. In high school it was who I had classes with or extracirriculars. Am I the only one who can look back and say that my group of friends changed a lot? Even through college it has changed. Now I'm out and I'm in a funky place. My friends that are my age are still in school and really busy. The people I work with are married. But I've made an effort to keep in touch - sometimes it is not receiprocated. But I'll always remember what I was told by a woman a bit wiser than myself -- "You'll only have a few, true life-long friends -- you're husband being the main one." So I guess that's all I can hope for.
Life is so weird. And so random.
But God is constant.
.jillian.
Sigh.
A lot has been going on in my little corner of the world the past week. I've made a big decision and now Dad has decided he is going to 'cut me off.' Before anyone (like anyone is reading this anyway) thinks 'Oh, Jill, what did YOU do wrong?' there is a lot of history in my relationship with him. Everything that has happened throughout my whole life has culminated into this one issue. Frankly, I am tired. Tired of being nice all of the time and getting stepped on. I'm tired of hearing how I'm not good enough because I graduated from college with a 3.7 GPA and he graduated with a 3.8. I'm tired of this rollercoaster. Tired of being told that it was a mistake to drop out of swim team in the 8th grade. This is all so petty. My life is going by too quickly to be bogged down by decisions I made when I was 12 years old. This has been a long time coming.
Despite all of that... I am so crazy in love. My heart just overflows everytime I talk to him. He's so thoughtful and kind. Truly the most geniune person I've ever know, or ever will know. When he holds me every bad thing disappears. He's strong but compassionate. Few men capture all of these things. I consider myself lucky -- that God would bless me so greatly with him.
Isn't it strange how friendships come and go? I remember in elementary school and middle school - my friends were the ones who sat next to me at lunch or played with me on the playground. It changed a lot. In high school it was who I had classes with or extracirriculars. Am I the only one who can look back and say that my group of friends changed a lot? Even through college it has changed. Now I'm out and I'm in a funky place. My friends that are my age are still in school and really busy. The people I work with are married. But I've made an effort to keep in touch - sometimes it is not receiprocated. But I'll always remember what I was told by a woman a bit wiser than myself -- "You'll only have a few, true life-long friends -- you're husband being the main one." So I guess that's all I can hope for.
Life is so weird. And so random.
But God is constant.
.jillian.