A cautionary tale.
I have soooo much to say that I must break it down into reasonable chunks.
Came home from vacation. We were in Florida. I nearly died. NOT Jenn's famous hypochondria "oh, I'm going to die" I mean I NEARLY DIED. Twice. I've been in bed since we got home and only in the past couple days have I felt like getting out. Too much vacation for this lady.
The tale of the weird family that's trying to destroy me has taken a very weird turn...and I want to go on record as saying I honestly don't care what your fetishes are. Just the combination of your fetish and your requests coupled with the other insanity is just a little too much for me to deal with at this point in time.
But I will get to both of those. For now, a cautionary tale on the perils of having children:
The kids and I went to the PX to look for iPods. Ed lost his on the way home form Florida. We decided to get something to eat at the food court, and we sit down together.
Next year, Crab will be in middle school, so she decides to start teasing Ed about all the stuff she is going to do to him next year because they'll be on the same bus. (The middle school and the high school are on the same lot so they take the same bus) She's going to make buttons that say Ed likes Taylor Swift and other things. He starts to tease her back, saying he's going to tell people she's always naked after school. WHICH SHE IS. This upsets her because it hits close to home, I guess. So she starts pulling out the big guns. I take a look at her and tell her, "Crab, before you start trying to rag on your brother, perhaps you ought to take a jaunt into the bathroom and wash your face. You have a giant booger on your face."
Ed looks at her and starts laughing. She goes into the restroom. While she's in there, Shane joins us for lunch and we tell him about Crabba's booger face. She comes out and says, "You guys were teasing me! That's a piece of lettuce!" and she has it on her finger.
Nope, that's a booger, Abbey.
"Only one way to find out!" AND SHE POPS IT IN HER MOUTH. "I think that's lettuce."
That's not the worst part.
At some point Shane sneezes. He apparently doesn't realize that now HE has a giant booger on HIS face. 'Crab, go get your daddy some napkins." She looks at his face and both she and Ed start laughing.
Ed and I decided we're the only safe ones and check each other out for face boogers. We decide that the boys will go to one store, and Crab and I will go to another.
We're in the store together and Crab kisses me several times. On the face, cheek, arm, hair, wherever she can reach me. I talk to several people, help a man find organic green tea after the store manager and a stock boy can't find it (as a side note, kicking up a fuss about how your green tea NEEDS to be organic doesn't make much sense when your cart is full of bacon and chips and Hawaiian Punch) and go through the check out. As we walk to the car, I brush a stray hair off my face and feel something on my cheek.
You see where I'm going here?
Yes. A GIANT CRABBA BOOGER ON MY CHEEK.
How long was it there? Probably since she kissed me.
Came home from vacation. We were in Florida. I nearly died. NOT Jenn's famous hypochondria "oh, I'm going to die" I mean I NEARLY DIED. Twice. I've been in bed since we got home and only in the past couple days have I felt like getting out. Too much vacation for this lady.
The tale of the weird family that's trying to destroy me has taken a very weird turn...and I want to go on record as saying I honestly don't care what your fetishes are. Just the combination of your fetish and your requests coupled with the other insanity is just a little too much for me to deal with at this point in time.
But I will get to both of those. For now, a cautionary tale on the perils of having children:
The kids and I went to the PX to look for iPods. Ed lost his on the way home form Florida. We decided to get something to eat at the food court, and we sit down together.
Next year, Crab will be in middle school, so she decides to start teasing Ed about all the stuff she is going to do to him next year because they'll be on the same bus. (The middle school and the high school are on the same lot so they take the same bus) She's going to make buttons that say Ed likes Taylor Swift and other things. He starts to tease her back, saying he's going to tell people she's always naked after school. WHICH SHE IS. This upsets her because it hits close to home, I guess. So she starts pulling out the big guns. I take a look at her and tell her, "Crab, before you start trying to rag on your brother, perhaps you ought to take a jaunt into the bathroom and wash your face. You have a giant booger on your face."
Ed looks at her and starts laughing. She goes into the restroom. While she's in there, Shane joins us for lunch and we tell him about Crabba's booger face. She comes out and says, "You guys were teasing me! That's a piece of lettuce!" and she has it on her finger.
Nope, that's a booger, Abbey.
"Only one way to find out!" AND SHE POPS IT IN HER MOUTH. "I think that's lettuce."
That's not the worst part.
At some point Shane sneezes. He apparently doesn't realize that now HE has a giant booger on HIS face. 'Crab, go get your daddy some napkins." She looks at his face and both she and Ed start laughing.
Ed and I decided we're the only safe ones and check each other out for face boogers. We decide that the boys will go to one store, and Crab and I will go to another.
We're in the store together and Crab kisses me several times. On the face, cheek, arm, hair, wherever she can reach me. I talk to several people, help a man find organic green tea after the store manager and a stock boy can't find it (as a side note, kicking up a fuss about how your green tea NEEDS to be organic doesn't make much sense when your cart is full of bacon and chips and Hawaiian Punch) and go through the check out. As we walk to the car, I brush a stray hair off my face and feel something on my cheek.
You see where I'm going here?
Yes. A GIANT CRABBA BOOGER ON MY CHEEK.
How long was it there? Probably since she kissed me.