Deviations from the Norm -- Never Doing That Again
Title: Deviations from the Norm
Chapter Eleven: Never Doing That Again
dwtwprompts prompt: Maternal
Count the Ways prompt: m-preg
Date Written: 6/10/08
Rating: R/M
Word Count: 3,951
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Toshiko, Owen, Gwen
Spoilers: Torchwood Season 1 & 2, particularly Something Borrowed
Warnings: Crack, mpreg (OMG I did it yes shut up), gore and blood and violence
Author's Notes: Alternate version of Something Borrowed. Because honestly, why the bloody blue hell was Gwen tempting fate by going out the night before her wedding? She might as well put a big karmic 'kick me' sign on! To quote mhalachaiswords, who does she think she works for, the gas company?
1/?: De Mortuis Nil Nisi Bonum Dicendum Est
2/?: It's Like Battle, But Harder
3.1/?: I'll Know It When I See It
3.2/?: Some Cupid Kills With Arrows, Some With Traps
3.3/?: Keeping Up With The Joneses
3.4/?: Speak Low, If You Speak Love
3.5/?: Shall I Never See a Bachelor of Threescore Again?
4/?: Paint By Numbers
5/?: There's No Place That Far
6/?: Its Eyes Are For The Stars
7/?: Up In The Sky...
8/?: If I Say It Enough, I'll Eventually Believe It
9/?: There's No Reasoning With An Unreasonable Person
10/?: Where Do I Know You From?
Weevil hunting with Jack was always interesting.
Jack got off on the adrenaline rush. Well so did Ianto, but normally the Captain was rather... grabby after a hunt. Sometimes they didn't quite make it up to Jack's quarters, which meant that Ianto had to erase the CCTV footage. And in the morning Tosh would give him that little I know what you did last night smirk when he brought her a cup of coffee and he'd just give her a wink.
This time, when Ianto and Jack had been deciding on tonight's hunting location, Owen had rung them up, saying that there'd been a report of alien activity a few blocks over from where they were currently driving.
"I could come out and meet you two." Gwen's voice came over their comms as Ianto started the SUV, already calculating the fastest route.
"No, Gwen. Go home, get some sleep," Jack ordered. "Big day for you tomorrow."
Weddings and Torchwood. Hopefully the two could stay separate this time. The last wedding he'd attended had been in London, three weeks before Canary Wharf. Teresa Cardinal -- she'd been the latest researcher he'd been training -- had gotten married to a civilian, and four different humanoid alien races had been in attendance. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem (most races living on Earth happened to be peaceful refugees, and Ianto at least looked the other way when he came across them) but two of them happened to be mortal enemies and had ended up having a shootout with bootlegged weaponry that Ianto suspected used some sort of sonic energy. Blown the church to pieces, so terribly disrespectful. Everyone in attendance ended up having to be Retconned, the cover story of a gas explosion was used, and Ianto had called in a favor with a friend to get another wedding hall for the next week.
She'd been away during Canary Wharf, still on her honeymoon with her new husband to Barcelona.
Barcelona was a rather popular vacation destination for Torchwood One employees, oddly enough. Ianto never figured that one out.
They parked the SUV and split off, standard procedure, while Owen tried to narrow the search on the alien signature. After a few moments, Ianto heard Owen's voice in his ear. "Ianto, you're the closest one to him. Fifteen meters ahead of you, to the left."
Ianto pulled his gun from its holster at his hip, but kept his arm down by his sides. It was down in the public restrooms. All those stalls to hide in. Better and better.
"Careful Ianto, this thing eats people."
Oh, thanks, Owen, he thought as he descended the stairs. Too bad the man was dead, really. Ianto couldn't properly punish him anymore by giving him decaf.
Gun at the ready, he started with the first line of stalls, kicking the doors that were closed open. He heard a sound coming from the entrance way and he turned, gun pointed at an elderly gentleman in a black suit.
He lowered his gun just a little. "Sorry mate, didn't mean to give you a fright," he said, wincing a little at the glare the man gave him. Human or alien?
The man, in turn, opened his mouth to reveal a row of shark-like teeth and started moving towards him. Oh, so definitely alien. Ianto raised his gun, squeezing the trigger twice (deep breath then squeeze the trigger gently on the exhale; Jack's voice from the back of his mind). The alien stopped as the slugs hit his stomach, turning to flee up the stairway. Ianto followed, blinking when he saw the back of a kid instead of the older businessman. He lowered his gun as he hit street level, not wanting to bring any attention from the crowds and tapped his comm.
"Jack? It's a shape-shifter." He heard Jack's answering curse in his ear before continuing. "I shot him in the stomach, he's still bleeding. Black blood." He saw the same tan-colored shirt from before and followed, nodding to himself when he saw that the boy was holding his side, and that ink-colored blood was running between his fingers. "He's changed. Looks young, probably about twenty or so. Tan shirt, jeans, dark hair. He's heading towards Trinity Street."
"I'll meet you there," Jack's voice was oddly comforting in his ear, and Ianto realized that he was just a little bit afraid. Most aliens were down by now. His mind started flipping through the archives for aliens that took more firepower to kill.
He followed the shape-shifter into an empty park, looking around. He sighed in frustration. Lost him, damn it! Jack was going to be mad, and Owen would never let him live it down.
There was a sound behind him, someone in the bushes and he looked over to see the alien running at him, face pale and sharp teeth a sort of greyish white. He tackled Ianto, both of them falling over piles of accumulated rubbish, and pinned him to the ground, struggling with the Welshman, trying to bite him, eat him. The barrel of Ianto's gun pressed against the shape-shifter's chest and he let loose another shot directly where a human's heart would be, watching the alien's eyes go impossibly wide before the body slumped on top of him.
Ianto pushed the alien away, standing and wiping black blood off his cheek with the back of his hand. He loked down at the body and let out a sigh of relief. He tapped his headset. "Jack -- "
Just as he opened his mouth, the alien spasmed back into life, grabbing Ianto's leg. The Welshman let out a shout of confused shock, lashing out and trying to kick the alien off. His shout turned into a yell of fury as razor sharp teeth pierced through his pants leg, sinking deep into his calf. Without thinking, Ianto brought the gun to the alien's head and fired. The alien's head jerked back with the force of the gunshot and Ianto found himself biting back another yell when the teeth pulled out of his leg forcefully, taking a nice chunk of flesh with it.
Well, looked like he'd be benched for a bit. He was sure Jack had a backlog of paperwork he could do so he wouldn't be totally useless.
He heard someone call his name and looked his shoulder to see the Captain. He was so fucking gorgeous. Ianto knew it was the minor trauma, the endorphins and other hormones surging combined with the sort of brothers-in-arms syndrome that veterans talked about. It was impossible not to fall head-over-heels in love with someone who watches your back and rescues you on a regular basis.
"You okay?" he asked, holstering his gun as he saw the alien body.
"'M fine," the Welshman replied calmly, wincing as he shifted his weight onto his injured leg. Jack frowned and knelt, pushing the tattered trouser leg aside and revealing an impossibly non-human bite mark. Well, it was an alien that had bit him, but for some insane reason Ianto was still expecting to see a perfect human bite.
"Let's get back, get Owen to take a look at that," Jack replied, pulling out a handkerchief and pressing it against the wound.
"Torchwood owes me a new suit," Ianto said calmly. He could feel the grass stains on his jacket, and not even his father could repair that leg now (not that he would ask his father to do it. that would lead to too many questions that could never be answered properly).
"Only if you let me be there when you try on the new ones," Jack replied with a roguish wink, pulling him into a rough hug and kissing him briefly before heading over to take care of the body.
Jack had long been up by the time Ianto awoke. This wasn't that uncommon, since Jack didn't really need to sleep, but Ianto could hear Tosh's and Owen's voices echoing through the Hub.
"Oh Owen, would you mind taking a look at Ianto when he wakes up? I don't think he's feeling well."
"What's wrong with the Tea Boy now?" Owen's voice rang out, and Ianto opened one eye, resisting the uncharacteristic urge to growl. Time to break out the Dead Man jokes.
"Don't know. He didn't sleep well last night, couldn't sit still. He normally sleeps like the dead when he drops off. Thanks, Tosh," he added, and Ianto caught a whiff of coffee.
"I got one for Ianto too, but you know how he is about Starbucks," came her quiet voice. Oh, Tosh, love, angel. Caffeine of any kind sounded wonderful right now, even outrageously overpriced mediocre chain coffee. He let out a little bit of a groan, rolling over from his side to sit up.
... And realized he couldn't see his feet.
"JACK!"
"Congratulations, Ianto, you're pregnant. Almost full-term."
Tosh was leaning on the railing around the medical bay, while Jack stood protectively behind Ianto. Ianto, meanwhile, was bare-chested except for the necklace Jack had given him, his pants down underneath the enormous swell of his stomach. Pregnant. Lovely. As if getting bitten wasn't bad enough.
Bitten. Oh hell. Why hadn't he seen it before? He was supposed to be the smart one.
"I knew it," Owen said, his eyes flicking up to look at Ianto, twinkling with laughter. "All of Jack's cracks about male pregnancy. Although it does answer the question of if you're a bottom or not."
"Stuff it, Harper" Ianto growled in response.
"How is Ianto pregnant?" Tosh asked, looking confused.
"The alien last night," Ianto replied quietly. "It's in the Archives. Some species of aliens pass on eggs through their saliva. I'm just a temporary host."
Jack nodded in affirmation, a hand rubbing soothing circles on his bare back.
"But... Ianto doesn't have the... well, the parts!"
"Doesn't matter," Owen replied. "There's a sort of temporary uterus inside of our dear tea-boy."
Ianto narrowed his eyes and contemplated kicking the man in the balls. It wouldn't hurt him, but it would still be humiliating. And he could blame the hormones and get off scott-free.
"Guess this means I'm not going to the wedding today," Ianto replied neutrally. Like he'd been so anxious to go, really. It would have been nice to go, maybe even claim Jack as his plus one, just for the look on the other's faces.
"Gwen might forgive you for showing up pregnant, but not to giving birth to an alien that eats half her family," Jack told him.
"Could that happen?" he asked, sitting up a little straighter.
"It's a human eater, Ianto," Owen replied. "It'll probably chew its way out of you."
Ianto could feel Jack's glare over his shoulder. "Lovely. So it's going to be like a zombie movie. Fantastic."
"I think it would be more like Alien," Toshiko suggested.
"Not helping, Tosh," Ianto said, but he still cracked a grin.
"Don't you worry," Owen replied, standing and slinging the stethoscope around his neck. "We've got procedures in place for this. We'll run you through a bioxenic microtron, a few days off your feet and you'll be right as rain."
"A few days off my feet. You're going to be swimming in your own waste." They didn't need this. Gwen was going on her honeymoon and while they'd held down the fort with four people while Jack had been gone -- and before he'd joined, there'd been just Jack and Suzie and Owen and Tosh -- with just three of them it was cutting it close. Jack was still a little unsure about sending Owen into the field, afraid he'd accidentally get his neck broken and be in a true fix. They'd shifted around, Ianto doing a bit more fieldwork while Owen did more admin, but if Ianto was stuck at the Hub...
"I'll make sure they behave," Jack promised, the hand moving up to hug his shoulder. "We'll bunk you down here where we can keep an eye on you until this is over, and you can do little things around when you get stir-crazy."
Ianto couldn't help but smile. Jack knew him so well. "Okay."
Owen grinned. "Just please, mate, let me take some pictures first."
"Does it hurt?"
"A little," Ianto replied, wincing as Jack leaned over to kiss near the spot where the IV port slid into his arm. "More sore than anything, really."
"And the leg?"
"Much better. That salve stuff really helped."
Jack nodded and kissed up to the inside of Ianto's elbow, tonguing the pulse point there. "Thought I'd lost you for a moment, when I heard you yelling last night," he murmured softly, blue eyes flicking up to look at Ianto's face.
The younger man snorted. "Oh please. It's going to take more than one little alien to take me down."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Good." Jack leaned in to kiss him softly, his lips just a bare brush against Ianto's. "I can't lose you."
"You won't," Ianto reassured him, smiling against his lover's mouth. He felt Jack's lips quirk against his own before he leaned down and kissed him properly.
"I come bearing gifts!" Jack called out as he passed the Hub's blast door, giving Ianto a smile. Ianto, in turn, moved to sit up properly on the couch where he'd be stretched out, a mug of coffee resting on his belly as he read through the files of known alien species that reproduced via exo-biological insemination, an IV drip stand next to the couch. "Clothing for you, in the size you requested."
Ianto smiled and pushed himself off of the couch, one hand moving to support his back in the classic pregnant pose. Jack had to fight the urge to grin. "Thank you," the Welshman said, giving his older lover a tired smile.
"You look worn out."
Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes, clamping off his IV line before easing the tube out of the port. Jack was just such a romantic. "I've been lying about since I got up, I don't know why I would be," he said, taking Jack's offered hand.
Owen paused in his dissection of the dead shape-shifter to grin up at the two as they passed. "Don't forget your Lamaze breathing, Ianto!"
"Someone here has to remember how to breathe," Ianto replied, heading into Jack's office. Jack laughed and followed him, closing the door behind him.
"You and Owen seem to be getting along well," he observed with a grin.
"I was taught never to speak ill of the dead, even if they're still around to talk back," Ianto replied.
Jack smiled and watched as his young lover pulled off the far-too tight tee he'd borrowed from Owen and opened the packages. He pulled out the nice black button-down that Jack had bought for him and pulled it on, buttoning it easily over the swell of his stomach. "How'd you do that? I didn't even see you near a measuring tape before I went out."
"My dad's a master tailor," Ianto replied in an offhanded manner, tugging on the collar of his shirt. "He can size a man's inside leg measurement from his stride across the shop threshold."
"I didn't know that," Jack said, crossing his arms and giving a grin. "So you inherited the family eye then?"
"Jack, if you could please hit on me when I don't look like this, it would be much appreciated," Ianto said, rolling his sleeve up to expose his IV port.
Jack stepped forward and carefully helped him. "Ianto, you always look beautiful to me."
Ianto rolled his eyes, but he couldn't get the smile off his face.
"How long has that woman been standing up there?"
Ianto blindly reached over for his stopwatch, finishing the form he was filling out before looking at the face. "Two hours, eleven minutes and... forty-five seconds."
Jack frowned and tapped the screen of Toshiko's computer, the image zooming in on the person they'd been watching. A woman in black dress was pacing around the fountain, touching the surface and shaking the water off her hands before starting the process over again. "Maybe we should put in a call to the Cardiff PD?"
"Public nutters are allowed as long as they're not harming others," Ianto said, turning over the form and capping his pen.
"I don't like her by one of our entrances."
"Oh, that'll go over well." Ianto sat back, smirking at him as he mimed talking into a phone. "'Excuse me, officers? I realize that you're all very busy, but if you wouldn't mind coming out and removing someone who's snooping around an entrance to a top-secret base that you don't know about either?'" He dropped his hand. "They'll get you to repeat it so they can play the tape back during the precinct Christmas party before hanging up on you."
"Smart-ass."
"You only complain when you know I'm right," Ianto said, twirling his pen.
"Jack!"
Both men turned to look at Owen. The doctor had hoisted himself up by the bars around the medical bay so he could look at them. "You need to come see this."
Jack hurried down the stairs as Ianto waddled (Jesus Christ) over to the bars. He wasn't even going to try the stairs; getting down would be easy, but going up would be harder than he imagined and he did have some dignity.
Owen pulled a purple-black organ out of a specimen tray. "Look what our friend was hiding!"
Ianto wrinkled his nose, fighting back an unexpected wave a nausea. He could see the threads of sticky alien remains stretching as the tray and the organ parted company. "And... that is...?"
"A proteis gland," Owen said, turning it around to look at it better. "The shape-shifting organ of a Nostrovite."
"And what is that exactly?" Ianto asked again, watching as Owen dropped the gland back into the tray, frowning at the sticky remains on his latex gloves.
"Trouble. Big trouble."
Ianto hated it when Jack's voice got like that.
"A Nostrovite is a shape-shifting carnivore with a taste for human flesh," Jack said, setting a mug of tea down in front of Ianto. Owen had sat Ianto down at Owen's desk. While a shock wouldn't send him into a miscarriage, the spike in blood pressure wouldn't be good for the Welshman. "It's intelligent and sneaky and -- damn it, I should have seen this before."
Owen gave a little nervous grin. "That's the problem with shape-shifters, isn't it? You never know what you're looking at."
"But it's dead," Ianto said, looking down at the medical bay.
"Yeah. This one."
The mug stopped halfway up to Ianto's mouth. "Why are there always more?"
"Nostrovites mate for life, you know, like swans and penguins," Owen explained.
"Except you don't see Nostrovites on greeting cards," Jack quipped.
"Right, so the male Nostrovite carries the fertilized eggs in a sac in its mouth and passes it onto a host with a bite," Owen continued.
"Me." Ianto nodded and took a sip of his tea. "So where does the mother come in?"
"When she tracks down the host and rips it open," Owen said bluntly.
"You need to work on that bedside manner, Doctor Harper," Jack said, glaring over at him. Owen just shrugged.
"Trust Owen not to sugar-coat it," Ianto said. "So Mum's up there, looking for me," he said, pointing upwards.
He'd just meant 'outside the Hub'.
Jack's eyes widened and he ran to Tosh's desk. "Where'd the Woman in Black go?"
The blast door rolled back and Tosh walked through the door, smiling at them. Jack and Owen pulled their guns and her smile faltered just a little bit. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Good imitation," Jack said, stepping back to defend Ianto. "Where's Tosh?"
"I am Tosh!"
"Oh yeah, right," Jack said sarcastically, turning his head a little to nod at the medical bay. Ianto took the hint and started moving towards the stairs. "Toshiko Sato is currently out in the middle of nowhere, watching our coworker get married."
The Nostrovite blinked; when it opened its eyes again, the irises were blood red. The mouth pulled into a twisted grin, revealing rows of the same pointed teeth the alien that had bit him with. "I just want my young," she said, holding out a clawed hand.
"But you're going to rip him open to get it," Owen said, moving just a little closer to the other stairwell. "Sorry, we need him about."
"Too bad, you don't have a choice!"
She lunged forward and Ianto flinched as Owen and Jack emptied two whole clips into her, the sound of gunfire magnifying as it bounced off the tiled walls. She convulsed and fell back, black blood flowing onto the concrete floor.
Owen sighed and set his weapon on Tosh's desk. Jack hurried down the steps to touch Ianto's face. "You okay?"
"Yeah," he said, giving him a little smile.
Owen let out a yell of surprise and the two lovers stared up at the female Nostrovite. She'd pushed Owen away from her (hopefully he hadn't been injured too badly, he wasn't getting up as quickly as he normally would), and was halfway down the steps. Jack moved to stand between her and Ianto, and both of them had been stunned when she grabbed his arm and threw him against the far wall. His head cracked hard against the tiles and Jack slumped to the floor like a rag doll, his head hanging limply against his chest.
Leaving Ianto up against the alien.
The Welshman fumbled for the tray behind him, grabbing a scalpel. He pointed the blade at her, backing up as she laughed at him. "That's not going to damage me!"
"You're right, it won't," Ianto shot back, stepping back as she stalked closer. "But it'll hurt me."
Her eyes widened until red irises were surrounded by white. Ianto shifted his grip on the scalpel, prepared to thrust it into his stomach. "If I do this before it's time, the thing in me will die too," he threatened.
"No! Don't, please!" A clawed hand reached out towards him. He pulled his hand back threateningly, and she stepped back. "Just give me my young and I won't hurt you."
"Oh yeah, you'll just kill me." His stomach lurched and he gasped, his other hand coming up to touch the swell. He could feel it moving inside him.
A human-eating alien moving inside of him. He was terrified.
"You can feel him, can't you?" she said quietly, stepping forward again. "He's going to eat his way out soon. At least I can make it quick."
"I'd rather die," Ianto gasped, tightening his grip on the scalpel. Jack was going to be mad, but at least he'd die in the line of duty.
The Nostrovite lunged forward with a howl, and Ianto closed his eyes. Here it comes.
Instead of pain, a high-pitched whine filled the air and he felt a warm stickiness flow over him. Ianto tentatively opened one eye to see what had happened.
He was covered in Nostrovite blood, the alien dead at his feet. Its entrails were strewn about the floor as black blood flowed over his shoes.
And there was Jack leaning against the wall, looking pale but oh-so-alive and holding the Singularity Scalpel. The Captain tossed it onto a tray before moving forward to pull Ianto into his arms and kiss him hard. "You idiot," the older man murmured against Ianto's mouth. "Complete brave, noble, self-sacrificing fool."
Owen rolled his eyes as he leaned against the railing, already checking his joints and bones for breaks as Ianto and Jack kissed again. "And, of course, the hero always gets the girl at the end."
ETA: Chapter twelve here.
Chapter Eleven: Never Doing That Again
dwtwprompts prompt: Maternal
Count the Ways prompt: m-preg
Date Written: 6/10/08
Rating: R/M
Word Count: 3,951
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Toshiko, Owen, Gwen
Spoilers: Torchwood Season 1 & 2, particularly Something Borrowed
Warnings: Crack, mpreg (OMG I did it yes shut up), gore and blood and violence
Author's Notes: Alternate version of Something Borrowed. Because honestly, why the bloody blue hell was Gwen tempting fate by going out the night before her wedding? She might as well put a big karmic 'kick me' sign on! To quote mhalachaiswords, who does she think she works for, the gas company?
1/?: De Mortuis Nil Nisi Bonum Dicendum Est
2/?: It's Like Battle, But Harder
3.1/?: I'll Know It When I See It
3.2/?: Some Cupid Kills With Arrows, Some With Traps
3.3/?: Keeping Up With The Joneses
3.4/?: Speak Low, If You Speak Love
3.5/?: Shall I Never See a Bachelor of Threescore Again?
4/?: Paint By Numbers
5/?: There's No Place That Far
6/?: Its Eyes Are For The Stars
7/?: Up In The Sky...
8/?: If I Say It Enough, I'll Eventually Believe It
9/?: There's No Reasoning With An Unreasonable Person
10/?: Where Do I Know You From?
Weevil hunting with Jack was always interesting.
Jack got off on the adrenaline rush. Well so did Ianto, but normally the Captain was rather... grabby after a hunt. Sometimes they didn't quite make it up to Jack's quarters, which meant that Ianto had to erase the CCTV footage. And in the morning Tosh would give him that little I know what you did last night smirk when he brought her a cup of coffee and he'd just give her a wink.
This time, when Ianto and Jack had been deciding on tonight's hunting location, Owen had rung them up, saying that there'd been a report of alien activity a few blocks over from where they were currently driving.
"I could come out and meet you two." Gwen's voice came over their comms as Ianto started the SUV, already calculating the fastest route.
"No, Gwen. Go home, get some sleep," Jack ordered. "Big day for you tomorrow."
Weddings and Torchwood. Hopefully the two could stay separate this time. The last wedding he'd attended had been in London, three weeks before Canary Wharf. Teresa Cardinal -- she'd been the latest researcher he'd been training -- had gotten married to a civilian, and four different humanoid alien races had been in attendance. Normally that wouldn't have been a problem (most races living on Earth happened to be peaceful refugees, and Ianto at least looked the other way when he came across them) but two of them happened to be mortal enemies and had ended up having a shootout with bootlegged weaponry that Ianto suspected used some sort of sonic energy. Blown the church to pieces, so terribly disrespectful. Everyone in attendance ended up having to be Retconned, the cover story of a gas explosion was used, and Ianto had called in a favor with a friend to get another wedding hall for the next week.
She'd been away during Canary Wharf, still on her honeymoon with her new husband to Barcelona.
Barcelona was a rather popular vacation destination for Torchwood One employees, oddly enough. Ianto never figured that one out.
They parked the SUV and split off, standard procedure, while Owen tried to narrow the search on the alien signature. After a few moments, Ianto heard Owen's voice in his ear. "Ianto, you're the closest one to him. Fifteen meters ahead of you, to the left."
Ianto pulled his gun from its holster at his hip, but kept his arm down by his sides. It was down in the public restrooms. All those stalls to hide in. Better and better.
"Careful Ianto, this thing eats people."
Oh, thanks, Owen, he thought as he descended the stairs. Too bad the man was dead, really. Ianto couldn't properly punish him anymore by giving him decaf.
Gun at the ready, he started with the first line of stalls, kicking the doors that were closed open. He heard a sound coming from the entrance way and he turned, gun pointed at an elderly gentleman in a black suit.
He lowered his gun just a little. "Sorry mate, didn't mean to give you a fright," he said, wincing a little at the glare the man gave him. Human or alien?
The man, in turn, opened his mouth to reveal a row of shark-like teeth and started moving towards him. Oh, so definitely alien. Ianto raised his gun, squeezing the trigger twice (deep breath then squeeze the trigger gently on the exhale; Jack's voice from the back of his mind). The alien stopped as the slugs hit his stomach, turning to flee up the stairway. Ianto followed, blinking when he saw the back of a kid instead of the older businessman. He lowered his gun as he hit street level, not wanting to bring any attention from the crowds and tapped his comm.
"Jack? It's a shape-shifter." He heard Jack's answering curse in his ear before continuing. "I shot him in the stomach, he's still bleeding. Black blood." He saw the same tan-colored shirt from before and followed, nodding to himself when he saw that the boy was holding his side, and that ink-colored blood was running between his fingers. "He's changed. Looks young, probably about twenty or so. Tan shirt, jeans, dark hair. He's heading towards Trinity Street."
"I'll meet you there," Jack's voice was oddly comforting in his ear, and Ianto realized that he was just a little bit afraid. Most aliens were down by now. His mind started flipping through the archives for aliens that took more firepower to kill.
He followed the shape-shifter into an empty park, looking around. He sighed in frustration. Lost him, damn it! Jack was going to be mad, and Owen would never let him live it down.
There was a sound behind him, someone in the bushes and he looked over to see the alien running at him, face pale and sharp teeth a sort of greyish white. He tackled Ianto, both of them falling over piles of accumulated rubbish, and pinned him to the ground, struggling with the Welshman, trying to bite him, eat him. The barrel of Ianto's gun pressed against the shape-shifter's chest and he let loose another shot directly where a human's heart would be, watching the alien's eyes go impossibly wide before the body slumped on top of him.
Ianto pushed the alien away, standing and wiping black blood off his cheek with the back of his hand. He loked down at the body and let out a sigh of relief. He tapped his headset. "Jack -- "
Just as he opened his mouth, the alien spasmed back into life, grabbing Ianto's leg. The Welshman let out a shout of confused shock, lashing out and trying to kick the alien off. His shout turned into a yell of fury as razor sharp teeth pierced through his pants leg, sinking deep into his calf. Without thinking, Ianto brought the gun to the alien's head and fired. The alien's head jerked back with the force of the gunshot and Ianto found himself biting back another yell when the teeth pulled out of his leg forcefully, taking a nice chunk of flesh with it.
Well, looked like he'd be benched for a bit. He was sure Jack had a backlog of paperwork he could do so he wouldn't be totally useless.
He heard someone call his name and looked his shoulder to see the Captain. He was so fucking gorgeous. Ianto knew it was the minor trauma, the endorphins and other hormones surging combined with the sort of brothers-in-arms syndrome that veterans talked about. It was impossible not to fall head-over-heels in love with someone who watches your back and rescues you on a regular basis.
"You okay?" he asked, holstering his gun as he saw the alien body.
"'M fine," the Welshman replied calmly, wincing as he shifted his weight onto his injured leg. Jack frowned and knelt, pushing the tattered trouser leg aside and revealing an impossibly non-human bite mark. Well, it was an alien that had bit him, but for some insane reason Ianto was still expecting to see a perfect human bite.
"Let's get back, get Owen to take a look at that," Jack replied, pulling out a handkerchief and pressing it against the wound.
"Torchwood owes me a new suit," Ianto said calmly. He could feel the grass stains on his jacket, and not even his father could repair that leg now (not that he would ask his father to do it. that would lead to too many questions that could never be answered properly).
"Only if you let me be there when you try on the new ones," Jack replied with a roguish wink, pulling him into a rough hug and kissing him briefly before heading over to take care of the body.
Jack had long been up by the time Ianto awoke. This wasn't that uncommon, since Jack didn't really need to sleep, but Ianto could hear Tosh's and Owen's voices echoing through the Hub.
"Oh Owen, would you mind taking a look at Ianto when he wakes up? I don't think he's feeling well."
"What's wrong with the Tea Boy now?" Owen's voice rang out, and Ianto opened one eye, resisting the uncharacteristic urge to growl. Time to break out the Dead Man jokes.
"Don't know. He didn't sleep well last night, couldn't sit still. He normally sleeps like the dead when he drops off. Thanks, Tosh," he added, and Ianto caught a whiff of coffee.
"I got one for Ianto too, but you know how he is about Starbucks," came her quiet voice. Oh, Tosh, love, angel. Caffeine of any kind sounded wonderful right now, even outrageously overpriced mediocre chain coffee. He let out a little bit of a groan, rolling over from his side to sit up.
... And realized he couldn't see his feet.
"JACK!"
"Congratulations, Ianto, you're pregnant. Almost full-term."
Tosh was leaning on the railing around the medical bay, while Jack stood protectively behind Ianto. Ianto, meanwhile, was bare-chested except for the necklace Jack had given him, his pants down underneath the enormous swell of his stomach. Pregnant. Lovely. As if getting bitten wasn't bad enough.
Bitten. Oh hell. Why hadn't he seen it before? He was supposed to be the smart one.
"I knew it," Owen said, his eyes flicking up to look at Ianto, twinkling with laughter. "All of Jack's cracks about male pregnancy. Although it does answer the question of if you're a bottom or not."
"Stuff it, Harper" Ianto growled in response.
"How is Ianto pregnant?" Tosh asked, looking confused.
"The alien last night," Ianto replied quietly. "It's in the Archives. Some species of aliens pass on eggs through their saliva. I'm just a temporary host."
Jack nodded in affirmation, a hand rubbing soothing circles on his bare back.
"But... Ianto doesn't have the... well, the parts!"
"Doesn't matter," Owen replied. "There's a sort of temporary uterus inside of our dear tea-boy."
Ianto narrowed his eyes and contemplated kicking the man in the balls. It wouldn't hurt him, but it would still be humiliating. And he could blame the hormones and get off scott-free.
"Guess this means I'm not going to the wedding today," Ianto replied neutrally. Like he'd been so anxious to go, really. It would have been nice to go, maybe even claim Jack as his plus one, just for the look on the other's faces.
"Gwen might forgive you for showing up pregnant, but not to giving birth to an alien that eats half her family," Jack told him.
"Could that happen?" he asked, sitting up a little straighter.
"It's a human eater, Ianto," Owen replied. "It'll probably chew its way out of you."
Ianto could feel Jack's glare over his shoulder. "Lovely. So it's going to be like a zombie movie. Fantastic."
"I think it would be more like Alien," Toshiko suggested.
"Not helping, Tosh," Ianto said, but he still cracked a grin.
"Don't you worry," Owen replied, standing and slinging the stethoscope around his neck. "We've got procedures in place for this. We'll run you through a bioxenic microtron, a few days off your feet and you'll be right as rain."
"A few days off my feet. You're going to be swimming in your own waste." They didn't need this. Gwen was going on her honeymoon and while they'd held down the fort with four people while Jack had been gone -- and before he'd joined, there'd been just Jack and Suzie and Owen and Tosh -- with just three of them it was cutting it close. Jack was still a little unsure about sending Owen into the field, afraid he'd accidentally get his neck broken and be in a true fix. They'd shifted around, Ianto doing a bit more fieldwork while Owen did more admin, but if Ianto was stuck at the Hub...
"I'll make sure they behave," Jack promised, the hand moving up to hug his shoulder. "We'll bunk you down here where we can keep an eye on you until this is over, and you can do little things around when you get stir-crazy."
Ianto couldn't help but smile. Jack knew him so well. "Okay."
Owen grinned. "Just please, mate, let me take some pictures first."
"Does it hurt?"
"A little," Ianto replied, wincing as Jack leaned over to kiss near the spot where the IV port slid into his arm. "More sore than anything, really."
"And the leg?"
"Much better. That salve stuff really helped."
Jack nodded and kissed up to the inside of Ianto's elbow, tonguing the pulse point there. "Thought I'd lost you for a moment, when I heard you yelling last night," he murmured softly, blue eyes flicking up to look at Ianto's face.
The younger man snorted. "Oh please. It's going to take more than one little alien to take me down."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Good." Jack leaned in to kiss him softly, his lips just a bare brush against Ianto's. "I can't lose you."
"You won't," Ianto reassured him, smiling against his lover's mouth. He felt Jack's lips quirk against his own before he leaned down and kissed him properly.
"I come bearing gifts!" Jack called out as he passed the Hub's blast door, giving Ianto a smile. Ianto, in turn, moved to sit up properly on the couch where he'd be stretched out, a mug of coffee resting on his belly as he read through the files of known alien species that reproduced via exo-biological insemination, an IV drip stand next to the couch. "Clothing for you, in the size you requested."
Ianto smiled and pushed himself off of the couch, one hand moving to support his back in the classic pregnant pose. Jack had to fight the urge to grin. "Thank you," the Welshman said, giving his older lover a tired smile.
"You look worn out."
Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes, clamping off his IV line before easing the tube out of the port. Jack was just such a romantic. "I've been lying about since I got up, I don't know why I would be," he said, taking Jack's offered hand.
Owen paused in his dissection of the dead shape-shifter to grin up at the two as they passed. "Don't forget your Lamaze breathing, Ianto!"
"Someone here has to remember how to breathe," Ianto replied, heading into Jack's office. Jack laughed and followed him, closing the door behind him.
"You and Owen seem to be getting along well," he observed with a grin.
"I was taught never to speak ill of the dead, even if they're still around to talk back," Ianto replied.
Jack smiled and watched as his young lover pulled off the far-too tight tee he'd borrowed from Owen and opened the packages. He pulled out the nice black button-down that Jack had bought for him and pulled it on, buttoning it easily over the swell of his stomach. "How'd you do that? I didn't even see you near a measuring tape before I went out."
"My dad's a master tailor," Ianto replied in an offhanded manner, tugging on the collar of his shirt. "He can size a man's inside leg measurement from his stride across the shop threshold."
"I didn't know that," Jack said, crossing his arms and giving a grin. "So you inherited the family eye then?"
"Jack, if you could please hit on me when I don't look like this, it would be much appreciated," Ianto said, rolling his sleeve up to expose his IV port.
Jack stepped forward and carefully helped him. "Ianto, you always look beautiful to me."
Ianto rolled his eyes, but he couldn't get the smile off his face.
"How long has that woman been standing up there?"
Ianto blindly reached over for his stopwatch, finishing the form he was filling out before looking at the face. "Two hours, eleven minutes and... forty-five seconds."
Jack frowned and tapped the screen of Toshiko's computer, the image zooming in on the person they'd been watching. A woman in black dress was pacing around the fountain, touching the surface and shaking the water off her hands before starting the process over again. "Maybe we should put in a call to the Cardiff PD?"
"Public nutters are allowed as long as they're not harming others," Ianto said, turning over the form and capping his pen.
"I don't like her by one of our entrances."
"Oh, that'll go over well." Ianto sat back, smirking at him as he mimed talking into a phone. "'Excuse me, officers? I realize that you're all very busy, but if you wouldn't mind coming out and removing someone who's snooping around an entrance to a top-secret base that you don't know about either?'" He dropped his hand. "They'll get you to repeat it so they can play the tape back during the precinct Christmas party before hanging up on you."
"Smart-ass."
"You only complain when you know I'm right," Ianto said, twirling his pen.
"Jack!"
Both men turned to look at Owen. The doctor had hoisted himself up by the bars around the medical bay so he could look at them. "You need to come see this."
Jack hurried down the stairs as Ianto waddled (Jesus Christ) over to the bars. He wasn't even going to try the stairs; getting down would be easy, but going up would be harder than he imagined and he did have some dignity.
Owen pulled a purple-black organ out of a specimen tray. "Look what our friend was hiding!"
Ianto wrinkled his nose, fighting back an unexpected wave a nausea. He could see the threads of sticky alien remains stretching as the tray and the organ parted company. "And... that is...?"
"A proteis gland," Owen said, turning it around to look at it better. "The shape-shifting organ of a Nostrovite."
"And what is that exactly?" Ianto asked again, watching as Owen dropped the gland back into the tray, frowning at the sticky remains on his latex gloves.
"Trouble. Big trouble."
Ianto hated it when Jack's voice got like that.
"A Nostrovite is a shape-shifting carnivore with a taste for human flesh," Jack said, setting a mug of tea down in front of Ianto. Owen had sat Ianto down at Owen's desk. While a shock wouldn't send him into a miscarriage, the spike in blood pressure wouldn't be good for the Welshman. "It's intelligent and sneaky and -- damn it, I should have seen this before."
Owen gave a little nervous grin. "That's the problem with shape-shifters, isn't it? You never know what you're looking at."
"But it's dead," Ianto said, looking down at the medical bay.
"Yeah. This one."
The mug stopped halfway up to Ianto's mouth. "Why are there always more?"
"Nostrovites mate for life, you know, like swans and penguins," Owen explained.
"Except you don't see Nostrovites on greeting cards," Jack quipped.
"Right, so the male Nostrovite carries the fertilized eggs in a sac in its mouth and passes it onto a host with a bite," Owen continued.
"Me." Ianto nodded and took a sip of his tea. "So where does the mother come in?"
"When she tracks down the host and rips it open," Owen said bluntly.
"You need to work on that bedside manner, Doctor Harper," Jack said, glaring over at him. Owen just shrugged.
"Trust Owen not to sugar-coat it," Ianto said. "So Mum's up there, looking for me," he said, pointing upwards.
He'd just meant 'outside the Hub'.
Jack's eyes widened and he ran to Tosh's desk. "Where'd the Woman in Black go?"
The blast door rolled back and Tosh walked through the door, smiling at them. Jack and Owen pulled their guns and her smile faltered just a little bit. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"Good imitation," Jack said, stepping back to defend Ianto. "Where's Tosh?"
"I am Tosh!"
"Oh yeah, right," Jack said sarcastically, turning his head a little to nod at the medical bay. Ianto took the hint and started moving towards the stairs. "Toshiko Sato is currently out in the middle of nowhere, watching our coworker get married."
The Nostrovite blinked; when it opened its eyes again, the irises were blood red. The mouth pulled into a twisted grin, revealing rows of the same pointed teeth the alien that had bit him with. "I just want my young," she said, holding out a clawed hand.
"But you're going to rip him open to get it," Owen said, moving just a little closer to the other stairwell. "Sorry, we need him about."
"Too bad, you don't have a choice!"
She lunged forward and Ianto flinched as Owen and Jack emptied two whole clips into her, the sound of gunfire magnifying as it bounced off the tiled walls. She convulsed and fell back, black blood flowing onto the concrete floor.
Owen sighed and set his weapon on Tosh's desk. Jack hurried down the steps to touch Ianto's face. "You okay?"
"Yeah," he said, giving him a little smile.
Owen let out a yell of surprise and the two lovers stared up at the female Nostrovite. She'd pushed Owen away from her (hopefully he hadn't been injured too badly, he wasn't getting up as quickly as he normally would), and was halfway down the steps. Jack moved to stand between her and Ianto, and both of them had been stunned when she grabbed his arm and threw him against the far wall. His head cracked hard against the tiles and Jack slumped to the floor like a rag doll, his head hanging limply against his chest.
Leaving Ianto up against the alien.
The Welshman fumbled for the tray behind him, grabbing a scalpel. He pointed the blade at her, backing up as she laughed at him. "That's not going to damage me!"
"You're right, it won't," Ianto shot back, stepping back as she stalked closer. "But it'll hurt me."
Her eyes widened until red irises were surrounded by white. Ianto shifted his grip on the scalpel, prepared to thrust it into his stomach. "If I do this before it's time, the thing in me will die too," he threatened.
"No! Don't, please!" A clawed hand reached out towards him. He pulled his hand back threateningly, and she stepped back. "Just give me my young and I won't hurt you."
"Oh yeah, you'll just kill me." His stomach lurched and he gasped, his other hand coming up to touch the swell. He could feel it moving inside him.
A human-eating alien moving inside of him. He was terrified.
"You can feel him, can't you?" she said quietly, stepping forward again. "He's going to eat his way out soon. At least I can make it quick."
"I'd rather die," Ianto gasped, tightening his grip on the scalpel. Jack was going to be mad, but at least he'd die in the line of duty.
The Nostrovite lunged forward with a howl, and Ianto closed his eyes. Here it comes.
Instead of pain, a high-pitched whine filled the air and he felt a warm stickiness flow over him. Ianto tentatively opened one eye to see what had happened.
He was covered in Nostrovite blood, the alien dead at his feet. Its entrails were strewn about the floor as black blood flowed over his shoes.
And there was Jack leaning against the wall, looking pale but oh-so-alive and holding the Singularity Scalpel. The Captain tossed it onto a tray before moving forward to pull Ianto into his arms and kiss him hard. "You idiot," the older man murmured against Ianto's mouth. "Complete brave, noble, self-sacrificing fool."
Owen rolled his eyes as he leaned against the railing, already checking his joints and bones for breaks as Ianto and Jack kissed again. "And, of course, the hero always gets the girl at the end."
ETA: Chapter twelve here.