The good old days!
i know i haven't written in forever which means no one really reads this anymore which is ok with me!
but...I really miss knowing...........just knowing
I miss days ago when even though my best friend was always late and never where she said she was gonna be, I knew she cared and knew she would always be there for me without a doubt...absolutely no doubt in my mind...For God sakes i got a Birthday card from her...A BIRTHDAY CARD from someone the last time i saw didn't say a word to me and I didn't say a word to her because we were in such total shock of the situation we were in...She told me how much of an amazing person I was...it made me cry...the second i saw the envelope with Kay on it....i started to cry reading the card with tears streaming down my face cause she is the one person, besides my family that calls me that anymore...just wishing everything could be good again...wishing circumstances weren't what they were...wishing my life had some kind of order to it...i feel flip flopped like now I know what i wanna do with my life and where i want to go...I know which road to take but that all doesn't matter now...cause the support is miscued...I just wish I didn't feel the way I felt I wish i could deal with it and say goodbye and walk away take my space and take sometime and then come back praying that we'd still be freinds...but whats around the corner right? what if I never go back? what if i do go back and it still doesnt' work...I just wish things could be ok! I want everything to be ok but things have been so wrong for so long that I dont think its possible...I was told to walk away told to take my time and if I fell back there would be the support there even if I had walked away...and i trust that but how come it hurts so much to even think about walking away?...God I tried so hard...I can't try anymore...i can't do it I can't take all my time and energy and put it towards one thing....it just hurts to much...Trying to make this work kills me...thinking about it destroys me and rips me apart....I'll update in a few i need to breathe
someone told me never to give up on a friend you can't go a day without thinking about...
side note...1 hour out of your day? would that have hurt you so much?