The Unbroken Beat 6/20
Title: The Unbroken Beat
Chapter:I Missed You
Rating: T/PG-13
Author: graceoverfire
Summary: Aftermath of Nick's surgery followed by aftermath of the plane crash. In other words angst and drama for days.
Disclaimer: The characters represented in this story are fictitious extrapolations derived from an interpretation of the show Grey's Anatomy which is the production and property jointly of Shondaland and ABC Studios. As such it is necessary to state that this work has not been produced for profit or any other proprietary reason.
Callie was busy making calls, first to Arizona’s parents then paging Alex and the crash survivors. The colonel didn’t seem to show much in the way of emotion, at least not anything Callie could read over the phone. He just thanked Callie and confirmed that they’d be coming up for the weekend sometime next month. Callie was so busy making calls she didn’t notice Arizona had pulled her sheets off out of pure curiosity. She’d paged everyone she could think of and was sure they’d be stampeding the room like a happy parade of elephants in no time.
“Callie” Arizona called out, her voice still warn and groggy.
She was looking down at her legs in pure confusion. She was sure the left one was gone She’d settled on that fact almost immediately. So now, to see both of her legs still intact, though one was bandaged and scared, the fact that it was even still there was beyond her comprehension.
“Callie” she called out again, this time a bit more panicked.
“Baby?” Callie finally answered turning around to see Arizona’s shocked face staring down at two perfectly functional legs.
“My leg” Arizona muttered out still confused. “How did you…what…how did you save my leg?”
Callie froze at the question. She didn’t know where to begin. The last time Arizona got involved in the details of one of Callie’s surgeries she got so upset she needed to hop on a plane to forget about it. What would she do if she knew about all the choices Callie made that lead up to that leg being saved? Callie opened her mouth to try and speak but found the words were failing her. Luckily, she didn’t have to wait long. Before she was forced to say anything Alex came rushing into the room with far too much speed.
He managed to pull himself to a stop and brush himself off, aimlessly attempting to hide his pure excitement.
“you’re awake?” He asked as if he needed her personal confirmation to be sure.
“apparently” Arizona smiled trying her best to insert some cheer into her still tired voice.
Alex stepped back and just stared, silently admiring his work.
“We freakin saved that leg!” he whispered to Callie, slapping her shoulder a bit too vigorously.
“We did.” Callie smiled back.
Before long everyone was crowding the room smiling to themselves and not saying much at all. They all acted as if they were aware of some inside joke Arizona was not allowed to know about. Then finally a collective sigh of relief let out. It was finally over, the damage, the physical loss, it was over now. Sure there was all that emotional crap to contend with, but at least now they could stop waiting to add more to the pile.
Owen had secretly stepped into the room, patiently waiting for Callie to acknowledge his presence. This though, was a time for everyone to celebrate, especially Callie, and Owen wanted to respect that. Once she saw him she knew her celebration was over. Pushing her way past Meredith and Cristina, Callie met Arizona’s gaze again. She brushed her wife’s cheek and smiled.
“I gotta go” she whispered, kissing Arizona’s cheek one last time.
Arizona looked confused “Wait, why?” she demanded feeling Callie’s hand slip away. “Callie wait. Where are you going?”
Callie couldn’t answer, instead she just kissed Arizona’s hand and repeated “I love you, I have to go.”
Cristina could see Arizona was on the verge of panic and tears, she knew what was happening and she knew why Callie couldn’t talk about it just then.
“Hey, Derek is bringing Sofia by any minute now so we should probably get you cleaned up.” Cristina announced.
For Arizona, the thought of seeing her daughter was enough of a distraction to keep her from trying to figure out what the hell was going on. She hadn’t figured out how long she’d been out but she hoped Sofia would still remember her.
~~~~XX~~~~
After two weeks of therapy Arizona was able to get up and guide herself to the bathroom with the help of a walker. Alex often tried to help her, but she’d just shove him away and ask why Callie wasn’t stopping by. By the fourth week she was walking up and down the hall with little assistance other than a cane. The speed of her recovery was so remarkable, she was beginning to attract an audience. Arizona knew it was a miracle she’d survived, but she really was having trouble understanding why everyone stopped and stared at her every time she passed by. She even caught Alex snapping pictures of her as she walked. By the fifth week Arizona was irritated and back to her usual perky but bossy self, making her way down the hall with only a slight limp and checking on patients that weren’t technically hers yet.
“Robbins, you haven’t been discharged yet.” Owen reminded her after catching Arizona doing Alex’s rounds.
“Minor technicality” she dismissively quipped before turning back to her newly acquired patient.
Owen shook his head in utter amusement and disbelief. He wanted to be upset but he couldn’t help realizing he was looking at a miracle. Just then, as he watched Arizona scurry around the room as if nothing was wrong at all, he realized exactly how he could fix things. He’d fix it and get some positive press for the hospital in the process, and lord knows they needed it.
“You can go home now Robbins” he announced.
“What?” Arizona shot around and shook her head as if she’d misheard him.
“you’re out of your room more than you’re in it. I see no reason why you shouldn’t be at home.” Owen Explained.
“Well” Arizona smiled. “Yay!”
She was excited, she was. But she was also very upset. She had not seen Callie in over five weeks. Sure Callie called her every hour on the hour. But she just left that day and never looked back. Never once explaining why she wasn’t coming to the hospital anymore. No one Arizona spoke to would fill in the gaps for her either. Alex would just say that Callie had her reasons, Derek would simply remind her to focus on the positive, he’d apparently adopted a new Zen life philosophy. Sofia, when Arizona got the chance to see her, wasn’t saying much either. Other than making the cutest little baby noises and biting her lip whenever Arizona asked her about Momma Callie.
~~~~XX~~~~
Whatever Callie wasn’t saying over the phone Arizona was excited to have the opportunity to get it out face to face. They were going to talk about it, that was the plan. Arizona felt the anticipation building up inside of her as she knocked on the door. But then Callie answered, and she was so pretty and so breath-taking Arizona forgot everything she’d planned to say and just kissed her right away.
“Hello to you too” Callie teased while stepping out of the way to let Arizona in. She quickly shut the door behind them not wanting to bare the sight of Mark’s apartment door for any longer than was necessary. She could barely manage coming home every day. When she felt Arizona was ready, Callie decided she needed to talk to Arizona about finding a new place to stay.
But for now Arizona was kissing her and Callie was kissing her back.
“where’s Sofia?” Arizona hurriedly questioned.
“sleeping” Callie whispered, her lips hovering over Arizona’s ear.
“I missed you” Arizona whispered back between kisses, repeating the phrase after every embrace.
“I missed you” she said while peeling Callie’s clothes off. “I missed you” while walking her way to the bedroom.
Every time she wondered if Callie really understood what she meant. She needed to know, after everything that had happened, what could possibly make it that easy for Callie to walk away for five weeks without anything more than a handful of phone calls a day.
Callie was wrapped up in the excitement of having Arizona back to her, she couldn’t possibly begin to explain how difficult it was staying away, not saying anything, going over all her choices in her head with no one to talk her down from the internal insanity. But they were in bed now, their bed, and Callie was all about making love to her wife after almost three months of not being able to do anything other than hold her hand.
~~~~XX~~~~
Just what the hell is going on was all Callie could manage to think as she walked into the staff meeting room where Owen sat at the head of the table. A hospital administrator sat to his right and Teddy sat at his left. Why had she been called in here? What the hell was going on?
“Have a seat doctor Torres” Owen began. “As you know a few weeks ago you performed a successful experimental surgery on a patient which resulted in unprecedented generation of viable cartilage tissue.”
Owen paused to clear his throat, the way someone might if their food had gone down the wrong way. It was a short pause, but it gave Callie time to consider the ambiguity of his words. He intentionally avoided the patient’s name, intentionally avoided mentioning that the surgery was unapproved. Did Teddy know all of these things? Was he waiting for Callie to fill in the gaps? What was Teddy even doing there, didn’t she quit? Callie’s brow furrowed in confusion as she waited for an explanation.
“On my initiative, the results of your work were forwarded to the army surgeon general who has expressed great interest in furthering your research.”
If she wasn’t confused before, Callie was definitely perplexed now. She had no idea what Owen had done or why he did it. Her hair, which often served as the personification of her mood, was beginning to limp from the heat of the lights overhead. This resulted in a confusion of thick loosely curled hair which only grew straighter as time passed. She tried to stay focused, but nothing was adding up and it didn’t help that Arizona was right down the hall. They’d passed each other when Callie was on her way in and Callie was worried. Arizona was in her pink bubble again, putting on a fake smile as she greeted Callie, chirping a little too chirpily; but there was no time to talk about it. Before Callie could mention anything Arizona was jetting off to a surgery. Still, the less sense Owen made, the easier it became for Callie to drift off into endless worries about her wife, about their daughter, about the future.
Teddy started to smile as Owen droned on about army amputees and battlefield injuries. Callie was beginning to understand exactly what was going on. This was it, Owen’s big cover-up; the master-plan that was meant to bring Callie back to work. This surgery needed to not be a sign of preferential treatment or a lapse in professionalism on the hospital’s part.
The hospital administrator turned her attention to Callie.
“Dr. Torres, this report says you received government funding for experimental status surgery on April 12th.” She explained. “Is that your signature?” She questioned.
Callie stared at the paper before her. It wasn’t her signature at all, it wasn’t her report, this never happened. She looked up at Owen whose eyes focused in on her, then Teddy who seemed to be silently begging her to accept the lie. It was just a small lie, not like it would hurt anyone after all.
Callie swallowed hard, finally accepting the charade.
“Yes, that looks like my signature”
Owen breathed a visible sigh of relief as the administrator seeming satisfied packed up her things and left the room.
“Teddy, perhaps you’ll want to discuss those consent forms with Dr. Torres now.” Owen announced once the administrator was a safe distance away. He then pushed himself away from the table as if he couldn’t bare the sight of it.
Teddy smiled reassuringly at Callie who was busy fighting the feeling of relief growing inside her, she didn’t want to believe it was over just yet.
“You’re going to save a lot of lives” she began. “Maybe they would have lived without this, but with this, we’ve got a chance to bring more troops home whole, at least physically.” Teddy could tell Callie was still bothered by what they had to do to make it happen.
They walked over to the one window in the room that was actually facing the outdoors. Callie stared out at the trees and the sunlight shining through the clouds onto the hospital parking lot.
“Tell me we’re doing the right thing” Callie croaked, her voice still suffering the residual effects of her confused state.
“This isn’t about you or me” Teddy explained. “This is about thousands upon thousands of troops and the possibility, the now very real possibility, that they can come home on their own two feet and hug their families with their own two arms after…” Teddy trailed off thinking of all the injuries she’d seen war indiscriminately inflict upon soldiers who were just following orders. “If the US government says permission was given on April 12th, it was given on April 12th.”
Callie could see the smile growing again on Teddy’s face. She’d been away for a while now and Callie could see MEDCOM had done her a world of good. If getting away from Seattle Grace could put a smile like that on Teddy’s face, Callie figured she and Arizona needed the world’s longest vacation. Teddy found her way back to the table and retrieved a folder full of papers.
“The head of Ortho at MEDCOM says you’re flawless. We already started animal testing. If all goes well we’re aiming for full scale implementation in two years.” Teddy handed the file over to Callie “But I’ll need you to sign these and get them back to me by the end of the day.”
Then they both just stood there for a while looking back out at the window and taking in the beauty of the day, of the moment. Then Teddy saw Callie exhale slowly, she decided maybe Callie needed some alone time.
“I’m going to see if I can’t find Arizona and say hi” she announced before heading to the door.
“Wait” Callie called after her. Teddy paused, her hand resting against the door knob.
“Thank you” Callie finished, her own smile growing from meek to bright and fully present.
~~~~XX~~~~
Arizona leaned against the nurse’s station, she was fatigued but she didn’t want anyone treating her like a patient on her first day back to work. She had to suck it up and drive on. But she couldn’t keep Alex from noticing. He was on her like a hawk, all the time. He wasn’t even her resident anymore but apparently that mattered not at all.
“You should take a break, sick babies will still be sick ten minutes from now” he offered, giving Arizona the opportunity to admire his gentle way with words.
“Nope, I’m good.” Arizona insisted plastered smile across her face.
After some back-and-forth she managed to get Alex to walk away. She drew in a deep breath trying not to let all the unspoken pressure get to her. Her hand trembled as she lowered it to her lab coat pocket and retrieved the prescription pills Callie had written for her. She observed the label take once every four hours/ no more than eight per 24 hour period. Arizona felt confident that she’d so far only been at six a day. She pulled the top off and popped pill number five for the day into her mouth. She didn’t want to think about how she’d make it through the rest of the day with only one more pill.
Chapter:I Missed You
Rating: T/PG-13
Author: graceoverfire
Summary: Aftermath of Nick's surgery followed by aftermath of the plane crash. In other words angst and drama for days.
Disclaimer: The characters represented in this story are fictitious extrapolations derived from an interpretation of the show Grey's Anatomy which is the production and property jointly of Shondaland and ABC Studios. As such it is necessary to state that this work has not been produced for profit or any other proprietary reason.
Callie was busy making calls, first to Arizona’s parents then paging Alex and the crash survivors. The colonel didn’t seem to show much in the way of emotion, at least not anything Callie could read over the phone. He just thanked Callie and confirmed that they’d be coming up for the weekend sometime next month. Callie was so busy making calls she didn’t notice Arizona had pulled her sheets off out of pure curiosity. She’d paged everyone she could think of and was sure they’d be stampeding the room like a happy parade of elephants in no time.
“Callie” Arizona called out, her voice still warn and groggy.
She was looking down at her legs in pure confusion. She was sure the left one was gone She’d settled on that fact almost immediately. So now, to see both of her legs still intact, though one was bandaged and scared, the fact that it was even still there was beyond her comprehension.
“Callie” she called out again, this time a bit more panicked.
“Baby?” Callie finally answered turning around to see Arizona’s shocked face staring down at two perfectly functional legs.
“My leg” Arizona muttered out still confused. “How did you…what…how did you save my leg?”
Callie froze at the question. She didn’t know where to begin. The last time Arizona got involved in the details of one of Callie’s surgeries she got so upset she needed to hop on a plane to forget about it. What would she do if she knew about all the choices Callie made that lead up to that leg being saved? Callie opened her mouth to try and speak but found the words were failing her. Luckily, she didn’t have to wait long. Before she was forced to say anything Alex came rushing into the room with far too much speed.
He managed to pull himself to a stop and brush himself off, aimlessly attempting to hide his pure excitement.
“you’re awake?” He asked as if he needed her personal confirmation to be sure.
“apparently” Arizona smiled trying her best to insert some cheer into her still tired voice.
Alex stepped back and just stared, silently admiring his work.
“We freakin saved that leg!” he whispered to Callie, slapping her shoulder a bit too vigorously.
“We did.” Callie smiled back.
Before long everyone was crowding the room smiling to themselves and not saying much at all. They all acted as if they were aware of some inside joke Arizona was not allowed to know about. Then finally a collective sigh of relief let out. It was finally over, the damage, the physical loss, it was over now. Sure there was all that emotional crap to contend with, but at least now they could stop waiting to add more to the pile.
Owen had secretly stepped into the room, patiently waiting for Callie to acknowledge his presence. This though, was a time for everyone to celebrate, especially Callie, and Owen wanted to respect that. Once she saw him she knew her celebration was over. Pushing her way past Meredith and Cristina, Callie met Arizona’s gaze again. She brushed her wife’s cheek and smiled.
“I gotta go” she whispered, kissing Arizona’s cheek one last time.
Arizona looked confused “Wait, why?” she demanded feeling Callie’s hand slip away. “Callie wait. Where are you going?”
Callie couldn’t answer, instead she just kissed Arizona’s hand and repeated “I love you, I have to go.”
Cristina could see Arizona was on the verge of panic and tears, she knew what was happening and she knew why Callie couldn’t talk about it just then.
“Hey, Derek is bringing Sofia by any minute now so we should probably get you cleaned up.” Cristina announced.
For Arizona, the thought of seeing her daughter was enough of a distraction to keep her from trying to figure out what the hell was going on. She hadn’t figured out how long she’d been out but she hoped Sofia would still remember her.
~~~~XX~~~~
After two weeks of therapy Arizona was able to get up and guide herself to the bathroom with the help of a walker. Alex often tried to help her, but she’d just shove him away and ask why Callie wasn’t stopping by. By the fourth week she was walking up and down the hall with little assistance other than a cane. The speed of her recovery was so remarkable, she was beginning to attract an audience. Arizona knew it was a miracle she’d survived, but she really was having trouble understanding why everyone stopped and stared at her every time she passed by. She even caught Alex snapping pictures of her as she walked. By the fifth week Arizona was irritated and back to her usual perky but bossy self, making her way down the hall with only a slight limp and checking on patients that weren’t technically hers yet.
“Robbins, you haven’t been discharged yet.” Owen reminded her after catching Arizona doing Alex’s rounds.
“Minor technicality” she dismissively quipped before turning back to her newly acquired patient.
Owen shook his head in utter amusement and disbelief. He wanted to be upset but he couldn’t help realizing he was looking at a miracle. Just then, as he watched Arizona scurry around the room as if nothing was wrong at all, he realized exactly how he could fix things. He’d fix it and get some positive press for the hospital in the process, and lord knows they needed it.
“You can go home now Robbins” he announced.
“What?” Arizona shot around and shook her head as if she’d misheard him.
“you’re out of your room more than you’re in it. I see no reason why you shouldn’t be at home.” Owen Explained.
“Well” Arizona smiled. “Yay!”
She was excited, she was. But she was also very upset. She had not seen Callie in over five weeks. Sure Callie called her every hour on the hour. But she just left that day and never looked back. Never once explaining why she wasn’t coming to the hospital anymore. No one Arizona spoke to would fill in the gaps for her either. Alex would just say that Callie had her reasons, Derek would simply remind her to focus on the positive, he’d apparently adopted a new Zen life philosophy. Sofia, when Arizona got the chance to see her, wasn’t saying much either. Other than making the cutest little baby noises and biting her lip whenever Arizona asked her about Momma Callie.
~~~~XX~~~~
Whatever Callie wasn’t saying over the phone Arizona was excited to have the opportunity to get it out face to face. They were going to talk about it, that was the plan. Arizona felt the anticipation building up inside of her as she knocked on the door. But then Callie answered, and she was so pretty and so breath-taking Arizona forgot everything she’d planned to say and just kissed her right away.
“Hello to you too” Callie teased while stepping out of the way to let Arizona in. She quickly shut the door behind them not wanting to bare the sight of Mark’s apartment door for any longer than was necessary. She could barely manage coming home every day. When she felt Arizona was ready, Callie decided she needed to talk to Arizona about finding a new place to stay.
But for now Arizona was kissing her and Callie was kissing her back.
“where’s Sofia?” Arizona hurriedly questioned.
“sleeping” Callie whispered, her lips hovering over Arizona’s ear.
“I missed you” Arizona whispered back between kisses, repeating the phrase after every embrace.
“I missed you” she said while peeling Callie’s clothes off. “I missed you” while walking her way to the bedroom.
Every time she wondered if Callie really understood what she meant. She needed to know, after everything that had happened, what could possibly make it that easy for Callie to walk away for five weeks without anything more than a handful of phone calls a day.
Callie was wrapped up in the excitement of having Arizona back to her, she couldn’t possibly begin to explain how difficult it was staying away, not saying anything, going over all her choices in her head with no one to talk her down from the internal insanity. But they were in bed now, their bed, and Callie was all about making love to her wife after almost three months of not being able to do anything other than hold her hand.
~~~~XX~~~~
Just what the hell is going on was all Callie could manage to think as she walked into the staff meeting room where Owen sat at the head of the table. A hospital administrator sat to his right and Teddy sat at his left. Why had she been called in here? What the hell was going on?
“Have a seat doctor Torres” Owen began. “As you know a few weeks ago you performed a successful experimental surgery on a patient which resulted in unprecedented generation of viable cartilage tissue.”
Owen paused to clear his throat, the way someone might if their food had gone down the wrong way. It was a short pause, but it gave Callie time to consider the ambiguity of his words. He intentionally avoided the patient’s name, intentionally avoided mentioning that the surgery was unapproved. Did Teddy know all of these things? Was he waiting for Callie to fill in the gaps? What was Teddy even doing there, didn’t she quit? Callie’s brow furrowed in confusion as she waited for an explanation.
“On my initiative, the results of your work were forwarded to the army surgeon general who has expressed great interest in furthering your research.”
If she wasn’t confused before, Callie was definitely perplexed now. She had no idea what Owen had done or why he did it. Her hair, which often served as the personification of her mood, was beginning to limp from the heat of the lights overhead. This resulted in a confusion of thick loosely curled hair which only grew straighter as time passed. She tried to stay focused, but nothing was adding up and it didn’t help that Arizona was right down the hall. They’d passed each other when Callie was on her way in and Callie was worried. Arizona was in her pink bubble again, putting on a fake smile as she greeted Callie, chirping a little too chirpily; but there was no time to talk about it. Before Callie could mention anything Arizona was jetting off to a surgery. Still, the less sense Owen made, the easier it became for Callie to drift off into endless worries about her wife, about their daughter, about the future.
Teddy started to smile as Owen droned on about army amputees and battlefield injuries. Callie was beginning to understand exactly what was going on. This was it, Owen’s big cover-up; the master-plan that was meant to bring Callie back to work. This surgery needed to not be a sign of preferential treatment or a lapse in professionalism on the hospital’s part.
The hospital administrator turned her attention to Callie.
“Dr. Torres, this report says you received government funding for experimental status surgery on April 12th.” She explained. “Is that your signature?” She questioned.
Callie stared at the paper before her. It wasn’t her signature at all, it wasn’t her report, this never happened. She looked up at Owen whose eyes focused in on her, then Teddy who seemed to be silently begging her to accept the lie. It was just a small lie, not like it would hurt anyone after all.
Callie swallowed hard, finally accepting the charade.
“Yes, that looks like my signature”
Owen breathed a visible sigh of relief as the administrator seeming satisfied packed up her things and left the room.
“Teddy, perhaps you’ll want to discuss those consent forms with Dr. Torres now.” Owen announced once the administrator was a safe distance away. He then pushed himself away from the table as if he couldn’t bare the sight of it.
Teddy smiled reassuringly at Callie who was busy fighting the feeling of relief growing inside her, she didn’t want to believe it was over just yet.
“You’re going to save a lot of lives” she began. “Maybe they would have lived without this, but with this, we’ve got a chance to bring more troops home whole, at least physically.” Teddy could tell Callie was still bothered by what they had to do to make it happen.
They walked over to the one window in the room that was actually facing the outdoors. Callie stared out at the trees and the sunlight shining through the clouds onto the hospital parking lot.
“Tell me we’re doing the right thing” Callie croaked, her voice still suffering the residual effects of her confused state.
“This isn’t about you or me” Teddy explained. “This is about thousands upon thousands of troops and the possibility, the now very real possibility, that they can come home on their own two feet and hug their families with their own two arms after…” Teddy trailed off thinking of all the injuries she’d seen war indiscriminately inflict upon soldiers who were just following orders. “If the US government says permission was given on April 12th, it was given on April 12th.”
Callie could see the smile growing again on Teddy’s face. She’d been away for a while now and Callie could see MEDCOM had done her a world of good. If getting away from Seattle Grace could put a smile like that on Teddy’s face, Callie figured she and Arizona needed the world’s longest vacation. Teddy found her way back to the table and retrieved a folder full of papers.
“The head of Ortho at MEDCOM says you’re flawless. We already started animal testing. If all goes well we’re aiming for full scale implementation in two years.” Teddy handed the file over to Callie “But I’ll need you to sign these and get them back to me by the end of the day.”
Then they both just stood there for a while looking back out at the window and taking in the beauty of the day, of the moment. Then Teddy saw Callie exhale slowly, she decided maybe Callie needed some alone time.
“I’m going to see if I can’t find Arizona and say hi” she announced before heading to the door.
“Wait” Callie called after her. Teddy paused, her hand resting against the door knob.
“Thank you” Callie finished, her own smile growing from meek to bright and fully present.
~~~~XX~~~~
Arizona leaned against the nurse’s station, she was fatigued but she didn’t want anyone treating her like a patient on her first day back to work. She had to suck it up and drive on. But she couldn’t keep Alex from noticing. He was on her like a hawk, all the time. He wasn’t even her resident anymore but apparently that mattered not at all.
“You should take a break, sick babies will still be sick ten minutes from now” he offered, giving Arizona the opportunity to admire his gentle way with words.
“Nope, I’m good.” Arizona insisted plastered smile across her face.
After some back-and-forth she managed to get Alex to walk away. She drew in a deep breath trying not to let all the unspoken pressure get to her. Her hand trembled as she lowered it to her lab coat pocket and retrieved the prescription pills Callie had written for her. She observed the label take once every four hours/ no more than eight per 24 hour period. Arizona felt confident that she’d so far only been at six a day. She pulled the top off and popped pill number five for the day into her mouth. She didn’t want to think about how she’d make it through the rest of the day with only one more pill.