Part Vingt-deux - E-Lo-Sha...
“Yes, of course they make beds big enough for two people.” Adam chuckled, shaking his head at Lucifer’s question. “This bed just isn’t one of them. They make beds...” Adam mulled it over, thinking about the bed that they’d shared on the island. Up until then, he had never seen a bed that big, but then again he’d never had the money for one even close to that. He figured a loaded millionaire or two’d probably had something along those lines made before. If he had the money, he certainly would have. “They probably make ones around the same size as the one on the island. Close to it anyway. Beds with more than enough room for two people to sleep.” He thought about it for a moment longer, and then decided to drop it at that. They were skirting around a discussion on homophobia if Lucifer kept pressing the issue, and that wasn’t really something that Adam wanted to cover. If things kept on the way that they were, it was probably going to come up on its own sooner or later, but for now, Lucifer’s opinion of humanity was low enough as it was.
He figured it might be best not to lower that opinion even further. They fought about enough as it was.
“So,” Adam scooted himself up slightly on the bed, propping himself up on one elbow, and looking at Lucifer expectantly. He had been wanting to ask this question since he had heard Lucifer say it, and, not being the most patient of the bunch, he was through waiting for the ‘right time’ or whatever to bring it up. Adam didn’t like to beat around the bush too much anyway, not when there was something that he wanted to know. “What does ‘E-lo-sha’ mean?” He felt like the words sounded kind of funny coming out of his own mouth, kind of like in French class when he had pronounced the accents wrong, but he had it close enough. “Is it Enochian?” He was looking at Lucifer curiously, expectantly. He didn’t know what Lucifer had been saying to him, but he wanted to know. Adam knew English, and that was it. There were a few times when he was sure that Lucifer had spoken Enochian to him, but ‘E-lo-sha’ was the first thing that he’d actually heard clear enough to be able to ask about it later. The rest of it had always been too garbled up, or just too damn unpronounceable for him to be able to ask.
Lucifer's eyebrows pulled together, still confused, but he let it go for now. He'd just been told two different things...but humans were like that he supposed. "Well...then...alright." He looked confused still...and then Adam dropped /that/ question. Lucifer looked away for a moment, the wheels turning in his head. He didn't know what to say, he didn't really know how to explain what it was at the moment...not with Adam looking at him like that. He didn't know where to start. He looked back at Adam with a pained expression, but it broke after a moment or two, he shook his head and went with the first thing in his head. "It's..'E-Low-Sha'...your accent is terrible."
"As to what it means..." He trailed off, thinking of how to explain it. It was the most intense feeling he could feel...and he didn't want to admit it to Adam, he really didn't. The human had said nothing of the sort. He felt like he was being put in the spot light. It was a type of love, but it was more than that, it was trust, and fidelity, and tenderness. "It...it means..." He didn't know how to explain it...Enochian was better felt than spoken anyway. "I can't explain it, but I can show you." He looked sort of sad, like he expected rejection.
"But you have to trust me?" He phrased it as a question, and it was. Adam didn't have to trust him, not totally...not even really at all. Lucifer wouldn't blame him, but he wouldn't explain it if Adam said no, he wouldn't be able to do so. It was going to be a feat actually showing him regardless and if Adam couldn't relax and trust Lucifer? Then it could end very poorly. That was part of how Enochian worked...the communication with another being required trust. Angels trusted one another unquestioningly so long as they had no reason to distrust...so...Lucifer didn't get to talk to other angels often anymore. Not since a long time ago.
“E-Low-Sha. E-Low-Sha” Adam repeated the words slowly, taking the time to try and pronounce them out, drawing out each syllable as he spoke. Still, he thought that they sounded kind of off. Better, yes, but still not perfect. “Enochian is a weird language.” He decided, looking up in time to catch the troubled expression that crossed Lucifer’s face. Now that troubled Adam; and it deepened the curious look that he had directed at Lucifer. He had thought that it sounded like a good thing, even if it was annoying that he couldn’t say it right (yet, but he would, he was determined), but if it was a good thing, why was Lucifer looking at him like that; Unless it wasn’t a good thing? That would be a letdown.
“Show me?” His curiosity peaked even more, Adam sat up on the bed, tilting his head just the slightest bit to the side while he looked at Lucifer, thinking all of this over. He didn’t quite understand why Lucifer couldn’t just explain to him what it meant, or how he was going to show him instead. Were there no Enochian to English translations? And how exactly was Adam supposed to see what it was that Lucifer had been saying to him? He didn’t know, but damn if he didn’t want to find out.
“Lucifer, if I didn’t trust you, I wouldn’t be here with you right now. I wouldn’t have happily spent weeks on an island alone with you; I wouldn’t have asked you to take me home to Windom, not once, but twice, and I definitely wouldn’t be sitting naked in bed with you.” His tone went somewhat serious while he spoke, about as serious as Adam could be while he was still in a good mood. And he meant every word. That it could even be a question whether he trusted Lucifer or not... He was the only one that Adam did trust. Why the devil didn’t seem to know that yet, Adam didn’t know. Sure... Adam wasn’t the most open person in the entire universe... but still, and after everything that had happened to him, he didn’t think that he could really be blamed for that.
If Lucifer didn’t know it by now, and if he still didn’t believe Adam, then he didn’t know what else he could do. The implied question stung a little, but he didn’t let it show, instead he just kept his gaze trained steadily on Lucifer, waiting for the devil to decide one way or the other.
"It's...a bit different than most of your human languages, yes." He said, his tone slightly amused. Adam got much closer the second time around and it brought a smile to his face. Then Adam got so interested...sitting up like that, he was so like Lucifer in that way, it reminded him of how he had been as a fledgling, when he had been young and full of wonder. He hoped that Adam never lost that quality, it was one of the reasons that Lucifer couldn't bring himself to harm the human, or to let him out of his sight for very long. Out of arms length for...less than all of those.
"Yes, Enochian is...really only half spoken, angels...project their meanings in the others head. I could destroy you doing that...thus why you have to trust me...but I...want to show you. So you understand." He didn't say anything else, but sat up and faced Adam. He looked...soooooo vulnerable compared to how closed off he usually was. He smiled and leaned forward to kiss Adam, using the motion to reach out, like saying 'I love you' before a kiss, but it was so much more than just a kiss. That feeling from earlier, it was much more intense now, because Lucifer was actually showing him something without unconsciously doing so.
The phrase echoed in Adam's head, along with the meaning of it, that really intense feeling. It easily outshone the simple kiss. This was how angels talked....and after a moment of showing Adam what he meant, he pulled back a bit, murmuring "E-lo-sha" against Adam's lips one more time. Then he pulled back further, not looking at Adam for a moment, trying to get himself back under control. Saying that, showing Adam that...it put Lucifer pretty far out on a limb, he didn't take rejection well, if Adam rejected him? Lucifer didn't know what he would do. "I haven't felt that in a very long time..." He said, very quietly in the silence. "The last time I said that...was when I was banished from Heaven."
Adam was taken aback by the feeling that washed over him... or should he say feelings? He wasn’t sure. It felt like a whole bunch of things all wrapped into one. He understood immediately why Lucifer couldn’t really explain to him what ‘E-lo-sha’ meant. It was something that had to be felt. The closest thing to it that he could think of was love, but E-lo-sha was different at the same time. He wasn’t sure how to explain it, and he supposed Lucifer wasn’t either, hence their little trust exercise. He understood now though, why E-lo-sha had felt right when Lucifer had said it to him.
His face, as he looked at Lucifer, was completely open and unguarded. An extreme rarity with Adam these days, since he almost always felt like he had to fight to keep the rest of the world out; but in the moment, he had forgotten about that, and all of his defences had just dropped. He would pick them back up again soon enough, but for now, he had completely forgotten, and was leaving himself completely open for Lucifer. After feeling that, Adam’s waning worry that Lucifer might have been setting him up for a fall was gone; which was good, because if that had been Lucifer’s end game all along, a better opportunity to practically destroy Adam wasn’t likely to come along ever again than the one that had arisen right now.
All the while, while everything had been going on, Adam had never been sure what exactly Lucifer had felt about him. From the time that they’d met in Duluth, until now, everything had just been in a constant state of change. Even on the island, where everything always seemed the same, their relationship had always been evolving; sometimes it had been good, and others it had been very bad.
Adam didn’t even think about it, he didn’t need to really, because he already had, for a long time he had been thinking about it, and for better or for worse, he already knew how he felt.
He leaned forward when Lucifer pulled away, pressing their lips back together again, and holding them there for a long moment. “E-lo-sha Lucifer, I love you.” There, he’d said it, thrown it back out there, pure honesty. At some point during the last few weeks, he couldn’t exactly pinpoint when or where it had happened, he’d started developing feelings for Lucifer, and from there... it just kind of hadn’t stopped.
Lucifer saw the openness on Adam's face, the vulnerability that had been on his own face moments before. He brought his hands up, and held Adam's face gently between them when he said those words back to him. He knew what it meant and he said it back? Lucifer had been half sure that Adam would turn and run at the feeling. It was a lot, for a human. Their feelings were ever changing, and angel's were slower to change usually. Nevermind that Adam even felt the same way. That he wanted Lucifer just as he was, with all of the myriad of issues between them...though it still shocked himself that he felt as much as he did for a human.
Oh how his Father must be laughing, if he even still cared for his most wayward son.
"I love you as well, Adam." He glanced down at the bed slightly distastefully again, longing to change it at least a little, but he relented from doing so. He looked back up at Adam and pulled him close and lay them both back down on the mattress. He pulled Adam against his chest and sighed, his voice happy, for the first time in so long, Lucifer was happy. This was amazing, he laughed a little to himself, his arms pulling Adam closer to him and enjoying the feeling of his human against his chest. So far that was the feeling he'd missed most of all since his fall, and he'd recaptured at least some of that here. The devil didn't want to lose it either. Never.
"Well, isn't this...strange?" He asked, his voice still amused and happy, as he inhaled the smell of Adam's skin. "Who would've thought that /this/ could happen?" Oh he had a feeling that almost everyone didn't expect this. That was apparently his Father's 'thing', to throw enough twists and turns that even his sons had no idea what was coming. Lucifer even felt the need to thank him. That was a sobering thought as well, the Father who had started the whole ordeal, the father who forced his brother to choose, who threw his second son to darkness, and that son, who had suffered and gotten so angry, wanted to thank the father. He would gladly thank Father for this feeling, for Adam.
He had no idea. Certainly, this was something that Adam himself had never seen coming. He never would have thought it possible, if he was being completely honest, and today, he was. But here it was anyway, Adam and Lucifer. He was smiling when he let himself get pulled in against Lucifer, settling himself there. He would be happy to not have to move for the next while, to just stay here. Hell, Adam was just happy, genuinely so, for the first time in quite a while. Maybe the happiest that he had been since being resurrected.
Hearing Lucifer say that he loved him back... it meant a lot to Adam. Even knowing what it meant, it probably meant more to him than ‘E-lo-sha’ did. Simply because ‘I love you’ it was a phrase that Adam knew, that he was familiar with, and that held a lot of meaning for him. He had said it to very few people in his life, he only said it if he meant it.
“This is probably one of the strangest things, ever.” He was smiling though, because he didn’t care. So what if it was? Adam was happy, and he was going to assume that Lucifer was happy as well, so what did anything else matter? Adam had never been much for giving a crap about what other people thought, and he certainly wasn’t going to start now.
Quietly, he nuzzled against Lucifer’s neck, absently tracing light kisses along his skin, amusing himself with following the deep vein that went up the length of the devils neck, up from his collarbone to his ear.
“I’m glad, you know, that you were the one who found me in Duluth... maybe not so much at the time, but I am now.” Adam chuckled at that, remembering how freaked out of his mind he had been that first night. Probably the only sane reaction that he’d had to everything the entire time he had been back. “It was supposed to be Zachariah, I remember that much.” Since coming back, he periodically remembered bits and pieces of before, and of what was supposed to happen. Zachariah was the one who had brought him back, and he had been meant to collect Adam and take him to Michael; an outcome that he was pleased that had not come to pass. If that had happened... well, their situations right now would probably be very different. “But you were there instead, and I’m really happy that it was you. You should just know that.”
"Zachariah..." Lucifer narrowed his eyes in thought, he didn't much remember the lesser angels, as he fell...fairly early. He didn't recall the name, but that was just as well. He assumed that the angel was more than likely a lackey of Michael's. Lucifer made a rumbling noise in his chest, half purring, and tilted his head slightly so Adam could do as he wished, the physical sensation barely felt, but the feeling still came through. He didn't say anything articulate for some time, just letting Adam do as he pleased, had he been saying something? Oh, yes...Zachariah. Adam was glad that he'd found him? That idea made Lucifer smile, forget the other angel, the devil would turn him into so much ash if he tried to take his human.
"Yes...I'm pleased about that as well...I think my Father must be laughing right now. How things have changed in such, unpredictable ways." He didn't sound bitter or upset about the matter, but it was still there. Lucifer murred and eventually moved away from Adam for a moment, using both of his arms to basically shimmy out of his remaining clothing, tiring of the human coverings and wishing to feel Adam stretched out along his side. The clothing ended up tossed off to the side of the bed, and then he was gently pulling at the blankets. They could lay together and continue talking, but he had an idea that Adam was going to get sleepy given half the chance. Lucifer had gotten used to Adam's sleeping schedule, keeping track of the amount of hours he was awake, despite the change in time zones. Add to that, the activity from earlier...and he had no doubt Adam was tired.
Even if he'd deny it, and fight it for a while, eventually he would just settle himself down and sleep. He lay down next to Adam when he'd arranged himself under the blankets, then a few moments of both of them adjusting and they finally fit together on the bed again. "You realize this is fate though, don't you?" He whispered, flicking his finger tips and watching the shades close and the room darken around them. He didn't move otherwise though, slowly trailing his now unoccupied hand along Adam's back softly, trying to lure him to sleep. There would be plenty of time for questions and snuggling and everything that Adam wanted to do tomorrow. Not all of it had to happen today...no matter what he wanted right this moment.
“Yeah, Zachariah; he looked kind of like a used car salesman.” Adam nodded, and then continued his way along Lucifer’s neck. Zachariah had been meant to collect Adam, but he wasn’t so worried about him anymore. It had been weeks now, and Adam figured that if he was going to show up, he would have shown up by now, or done something. He didn’t think that they had forgotten about him, but he was hoping that they might have. Still, odds were that sooner or later, if not Zachariah, someone else was going to come along, if not for Adam, then for Lucifer. Adam was just a backup plan in this entire thing, and he knew it, but Lucifer was a central player. Him they weren’t going to just forget about.
“Fate?” Adam tilted his head slightly, watching the blinds close and the room darken around him. He was already tired, and Lucifer doing that was only helping that situation. He was going to have to sleep soon, and he knew it. As usual though, he was going to fight it for as long as he could. “As in like, destiny?” Now there was an idea; one that he hadn’t really thought of before now. He had never really believed in fate or destiny or that kind of thing before. Overall, he hadn’t really put that much thought into it.
He stifled a small yawn while he thought it over. Was he saying that Adam and Lucifer being together was fate? That it had been meant to happen? There were some huge implications behind that, but right now, he wasn’t too sure what they might be, or how it was supposed to end. That was the big unknown, and the scariest thing about their situation right now. That was the problem with the idea of fate in his opinion, if they had been planned, that meant that everything else had as well, that whatever was going to happen was already set in stone. He wasn’t in any way opposed to the notion that he and Lucifer were meant to be together, he quite liked that actually; however, with an all out apocalypse looming, Adam would much rather like to think that something they could do would stop what the Angels seemed to think was going to happen from happening.
The idea that they couldn’t... it was terrifying.
Adam nuzzled in closer to Lucifer, settling in and laying his forehead against the devil’s chest. His hand moving up and down Adam’s back felt nice, and Adam let himself relax against the touch. The idea that this was the way that things were supposed to be, he could accept without a second thought, but the idea that in the end, Lucifer and a very Adam shaped Michael were going to fight a death-match... not so much.
"Everything about my life has been charted out before hand. My Father knew I would rebel when he made humanity...destiny is what I have...and that means...that this is exactly what it's supposed to be." and even if he was going to die, and he was, that he was given happiness before hand. He accepted the fact that he was going to die long ago, he put up a good face for Hell, and for Adam, but he knew it. He was honestly enjoying the time with Adam. He was grateful...for this break from the whole ordeal. It made everything honestly easier, even if he didn't want to leave Adam alone. He just hoped that their vessel's said yes, so that Adam would be free of the whole mess.
He murmured a few nonsense sounds at Adam as he relaxed, keeping his hand moving along Adam's spine. "It'll be as it's supposed to be, don't worry. I've...I'll be here." He let the silence take them after that, just letting it all relax. Adam was such a comforting warmth against his chest, a balm to his 'heart' so to speak. His human, scared of something so inevitable as fate, he would understand eventually, there was only an illusion of free will, Father knew the choices that they were going to make, and therefore...fate had been born. She was a stickler for the rules and kind of an irritating presence, like she always knew so much more than everyone else. Granted she did but she'd always acted like it too.
He didn't want Adam to worry, to get involved anymore than he would already be. He could and would protect Adam if he could. There was no reason to involve him any more, and he'd be damned, /damned/...that was funny, the devil being more damned than he already was...but still, he'd be damned if Adam would be drug into this when he didn't need to be. He would save this one, this /one/ human, if he could do anything about it. He cradled Adam against himself, taking the solace that he could from the human's presence, for as long as he had it, he would. "E-lo-sha, Adam, remember that." He whispered into Adam's hair, before he started to hum quietly, that song that he'd been humming or singing to Adam since they'd met.
Adam didn’t like that, not at all, and he venomously wanted to deny that everything that was going to happen was not already decided. He didn’t think that anyone, not even God had a right to do that. And given half the chance, Adam wouldn’t hesitate to tell the big man Himself that His ‘plan’ so to speak, was crap. He wanted to argue the point with Lucifer, but now wasn’t the time. Before everything was said and done, it was going to be very clear exactly what Adam thought about this whole fate thing; he had chosen to be here with Lucifer, that was his choice, and he was going to chose for himself in the end, not someone else. Not even God.
He was tired though, and still happy, and he didn’t want to ruin that. Since Lucifer had been around a lot longer, and had actually been there and met God himself, he would no doubt be under the impression that he knew better and was right. Adam wouldn’t be able to comprehensively argue that he was in fact wrong, when his body was already shutting itself down on him for sleep, and his mind was lagging behind as well. That was going to have to wait until tomorrow or something.
He really should stop pushing himself past his limits. He’d work on that.
“E-lo-sha Lucifer.” Not quite able to stifle his yawn this time, Adam let his heavy eyelids shut, though he stayed awake for quite some time, pushing all other thoughts about fate and dying and all that other crap from his mind, and just focusing on the melody. He knew that Lucifer had hummed this to him before, but it always sounded new, the melody, so different, and sweet. He liked it, though he knew that he would never be able to remember it enough to replicate it himself. That was alright though, because he liked when Lucifer sang it for him. It wouldn’t be nearly half as fun if he could sing it for himself. He drifted on the melody for a while, halfway between consciousness and sleep, but the day had been long, and it would have been pretty late on their little island where they had started their day, and eventually he lost the battle to hear just one more note of Lucifer’s tune, and fell into sleep.
He watched Adam fighting sleep for a while, struggling to listen to the song. Adam apparently decided at some point that he was able to go as long as Lucifer was before he slept, and he never quite made it. He watched as Adam finally gave up the fight and relaxed against his chest. His finger tips trailed along Adam's torso at random as he sang. "I love you..." He said, working it into the melody, as Adam fully drifted off to sleep. He held onto Adam all throughout the night, singing songs that were meant for heaven, meant for an angel's true voice, but he dulled it down so that it wouldn't hurt. He didn't want to wake him, or harm him. At times he did stop singing though, simply enjoying the silence with Adam's breathing and the sound of his heart beat.
He simply lay still, watching Adam trying to stay still on the slightl more uncomfortable mattress. He didn't exactly toss and turn, but he didn't lay nearly as easily against his chest as he used to on the island. Lucifer couldn't predict the way things were going to go, but he knew that his death was going to come, he could feel it, the storm on the horizon. It wouldn't be much longer, and Lucifer was determined to enjoy it, to have Adam enjoy it. Tomorrow while Adam was out enjoying the town, Lucifer would have to go and bolster his vessel, even a little would help at this point. The body was just starting to fall apart around him. Even with his rudimentary healing of it, there was more and more illusion required to appear normal.
Adam wouldn't like it, but he needed to take care of this problem.
He spent the hours trying to figure out how to balance Adam's happiness with his requirements. He needed...gallons of blood at this point, and while he could drink it as fast as the body could swallow, he'd kill at least 4 adult humans to get six gallons...which would probably slow the decay at least to a point where he could sustain it for a while longer. He came to the conclusion that Adam needed for him to not kill, and not let the humans go around being possessed...and Lucifer needed their blood. So, he would just take a small amount from several possessed humans, and then dispossess them...it was an awful lot more hassle, but...it would keep Adam happy. At least, as happy as he could be, "I am trying, Adam. You must know that." He said, touching Adam's face, softly, and settling himself down and waiting for the sun to rise.