Thinking...
Ok...
So I am bi-polar. I weaned off meds just before I got pregnant. Whatever it was about pregnancy I didn't have issues...
I don't know if it is because I am sick or what, but I am starting to feel like I am losing it.
I can't sleep because I have to check on Kameron a million times because I am so scared of SIDS, or there are dishes in the sink or towels on the floor. I am so stressed about not being a good enough mom or wife. I literally have to pass out from exhaustion.
I put it on Jason, that he's the one putting this stress in me...but I am starting I wonder. Do I just put underlying meaning to his words that don't exist?
How much of this am I creating in my head?
I think I might need to go back on meds. Which sucks. I was pretty proud that I have been med free, but you wouldn't think twice about a diabetic taking insulin.
I don't have fun anymore. Lots of dark thoughts...no suicidal, just about how I am not good enough. I feel myself drawing inward.
Jason says I can't take a joke. Are his jokes just not funny or is something wrong with me?
How did I get here? Like I can't tell what is actually reality and what have I created in my head?
Where do I go from here? Ug...
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